Oooooo she's very pretty - fuck off

[Putthenerfdown]

NC for this and in no way a stealth boast.

AIBU to be sick of hearing this about myself.

Met DPs family for the first time. We went for dinner and I was polite, we had an interesting discussion about the elections, I talked to his mum about books, we had a good time. I sent a nice text the next day thanking them for paying for the meal.

DP spoke to them today. I asked him if they had a good time "yes they enjoyed it, they said how pretty you are". Um ok...anything else "no just that your pretty oh and my DM thinks your very slim"

Which is lovely. Unless your bored of bring pretty or having a nice figure. And yes I TOTALLY know how this reads (like I'm a conceited bitch). But I've heard this for years and just once it would be nice to be funny or clever or kind or interesting and not yes she's got good genes.

AIBU and should shut up or not? DP doesn't see the problem "but you are pretty" was his reply.

I just picked up on the OP's comment that she was polite.

Is this actually something worthy of comment and praise? Being polite to your prospective PiLs is now something exceptional? Really???

"ceres But does she actually have achievements worth commenting on? Is she definitely interesting and clever etc?"

I think that's just a mean thing to say.

Not at all, it's somewhat pertinent. I have completely bought her premise that she is stunning. I am wondering if there was a reason why the prospective PiL's didn't comment on her erudition or achievements.

Yes you are bring unreasonable. I am pretty and my bloody mil has never said it!!! In fact the bitter old cow never even gave me one compliment on my wedding day. I hear her see other attractive girls and she thinks they're all up themselves and big headed!!! Every woman on tv who is beautiful is "up themselves". Honestly! I'd be grateful she sId something nice!!

I remember my MiL commenting that she hoped Dd1 wouldn't be ginger. that's the only time she has ever commented obliquely or otherwise on my appearance other than to constantly harp on about me 'not eating enough' (I eat loads, but she doesn't believe that a vegan can possibly eat enough to live).

This thread is totally cringeworthy.

And for the replies; not the OP.

I don't think OP is BU or stealth boasting - I do think she worded her post wrong though, as I can see why it could come across that way.

I think what you are trying to say is that you wish people could see past your looks and see other, more substantial (or at least to you) qualities, right? In that case, YABU. But I also wouldn't be offended by being told you are pretty.

YANBU

I have this too. And it annoys me because I think it's what people assume I want to hear rather than what they actually think.

Also I feel that it reduces my human value to looks, which - as we all know - do not last forever.

Although most people would find it complimentary, I can imagine it becomes a bit meaningless if you're a stunner and you hear it all the time. I wouldn't know

I love this thread - it has the best stealth boast potential of any I've ever seen - you can boast stealthily about either your looks and/or your cleverness under the cover of a classic AIBU with even a healthy portion of feminism
As you will see from my above post I've exploited this potential to the full, but on dd's behalf not merely for myself so I'm not all bad - another stealth boast trying to dodge under the radar unsuccessfully I'm sure

At first reading I agreed with other posters... but the more I think about it the more I agree with what you're saying.

I'd much prefer to hear "she seems nice" than "she's pretty". As great as being found attractive is, it implies to me that they don't give two tosses about my personality. I made no distinct impression on them other than a pretty face.

Depending on whether your DP is attractive it could be a remark that you're too good looking for him. It could be a remark about how dull you are and it's the only nice thing they could think to say.

I'm sorry OP but it seems maybe that's the only impression you're leaving. You just may be one of the people it takes a bit longer to feel any deeper about. Could be jealousy, could be a lot of things, but it's not the end of the world right now.

I agree that 'she seems nice' is an infinitely better thing to say than 'she looks pretty'. But the OP didn't want to be called nice. She wanted to be called funny clever kind or interesting.

Garlic - we will have to agree to disagree.

All the women I know who moan about how they are objectified for their looks and isn't it just so ghastly to be so beautiful, won't people notice my beautiful BRAIN... are the ones crossest when the compliments stop.

As now many thousands of people appear to have said on this thread - if you have a wonderful personality, people will notice. If they don't notice, you probably don't and I am afraid you can't blame the lack of notice of your personality on the fact that they have been blinded to all your other qualities by your ethereal beauty.

All the OP is asking is that she be considered for most than just looks.

Apparently that's criminal.

Come back with, 'oh but she worded it badly, yada, yada' all you want - people are wilfully misinterpreting this, and apparently the very notion that a woman shouldn't just be happy to be pretty is so 'out there' as to create post after post of derision. (Not everyone, of course).

It's a pretty sad indictment.

I think that it's quite normal for parents to say that their son's girlfriend is pretty. I don't think I was stunning when younger but they all said that about me. I would have been a bit peeved if colleagues did it though.

However, it's not that big a problem as if it annoys you that much you could easily make yourself less pretty.

Er, no she's not.

she is acting in a very hostile and rude manner, even it would seem to her own mother who had the temerity to say she looked pretty when getting a prize at school.

What an absolute bitch her mother must be.

If the op is really out to attack the patriarchy and make a point about the objectification of women, I do wish she would do it in a way that doesn't come over as being an entitled and self obsessed princess.

Just my view of course.

I feel your pain OP, I'm flipping gorgeous and folk just won't stop carping on about it....

I don't think anyone should necessarily be happy to be pretty and nothing else. Although some people are, and that's fair enough. I think if someone wants to be considered more than just pretty, but nobody ever does that, and it actually causes them distress, they should ask themselves why that is. Because if you are funny, clever, interesting or high achieving, that IS what people notice. Being pretty doesn't negate those other qualities. It might for the occasional person you meet, but it wouldn't happen all the time without fail.

Spero, she thought annoyed things but did not say them, if I've got the right end of the stick.

op has not been hostile.

just as an aside, why would it be ok to tell her to be grateful to be a pretty ornament if she had been hostile in real life?

Yup. If for 'years and years' all you hear is how pretty you are, I think you should be drawing some rather obvious conclusions about what it is you have to offer.

either you are a dull person or you mix with very dull people.

Sorry, I don't see hostile at all, either.

Frustrated, maybe.

Believe me, if you are thinking 'fuckoffuckoffuckof' in your head, other people can sense it.

I think that's hostile.

If she doesn't want to be a pretty little ornament, then start doing something about it other than wanting people who are trying to be nice to fuck off, including your own mum.