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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for an apology or just leave it

271 replies

Mrsdavidcaruso · 12/05/2014 10:08

Last year some friends came for a Holiday with their 14 yo DD. Quite frankly the girl was nightmare but assume no different from any other 14 yo's forced to come on holiday with their parents traipsing round stately homes and the like. She spent all of the evenings on her ipad but again I guess that's normal teenage behaviour.

She perked up a bit when I let her look at my jewellery and was very taken with a gated bracelet in rose gold with a lozenge dangling from it that used to hang from my Great Granddads fob watch.

The day after she saw it when we were out I noticed it on her wrist I was a bit upset as its a family heirloom and didn't want it to get lost, I didn't make a thing about it just told her I never take it out and put it in my handbag.

The day they left just when they were about to leave I suddenly had a 'feeling' looked in my jewellery case and it was gone.

I tried to ask her away from her parents if she had it but she went into one took it out of her pocket and threw it at me her mum was so embarrassed but as they had to leave to get their ferry I had to leave it.

I had assumed she had disciplined her DD and had hoped that I would get a least an email saying sorry but the incident has never been mentioned again.

Now they want to come again in August I asked my friend if her DD was happy about coming but as she said they don't have much money and coming to us with no hotel costs was the only way they can have a holiday by the sea.

AIBU to at least expect an apology from the girl when she is here, am assuming that at age 15 she might be more willing to do so.

I am happy for them all to come but TBH I am still a bit upset by it all.

OP posts:
NotNewButNameChanged · 13/05/2014 14:10

So, where is the OP to tell us how grovelling the phone call apology was from the DD who was going to call her as soon as she got in (according to her father)?

Part of me has a feeling there won't be a phone call.

Icelollycraving · 13/05/2014 14:12

I doubt the op will come back.

CuntBiscuit · 13/05/2014 14:23

I wouldn't, there's been a lot of unwarranted nastiness on this thread.

EverythingCounts · 13/05/2014 14:35

I can see the OP thinks a lot of these friends and badly wants to smooth this over, but I do think both they and their DD have behaved badly. The DD clearly should have apologised - but never mind all this email business, I would have made a child of mine do so at the time, even if it meant missing the ferry. I would also have apologised myself because even though it wasn't me who stole, I would have been mortified that it was one of my family and that an apology from me was merited. No way would it all have been left for ages and done by email. And yes, I would certainly have checked that the mail had been sent and received.

I also think that if they are effectively asking for a free holiday but the DD has an iPad, their priorities are wrong. We didn't have a family holiday last year because we couldn't afford one. This year things are better and we are going on holiday, but we still don't have an iPad, as we can't afford both, and no-one is obliged to provide a free holiday for us. Friend has to make the same kind of choices, not expect others to solve her problems and be stolen from in the process.

Original poster
Mrsdavidcaruso · 14/05/2014 07:00

Hi everyone sorry not been on, just so you know penguins coming next week.

I didn't get an apology from the DD just an email from the dad saying they wouldn't be coming think I have lost a friend which is sad but maybe for the best, some of your comments made me think, I can always rely on MN to call a spade a spade (or a fucking shovel) .

And as someone said will have a newborn then

thanks everyone

OP posts:
CSIJanner · 14/05/2014 07:06

Oh dear MrsDC - but at least you know its nothing of your doing. You're the innocent party in all of this but I do think its a shame that no-one called nor emailed to explain nor say sorry, just contact you to let you know that they wouldn't be coming. I'm sorry that you've been let down like this.

Tabby1963 · 14/05/2014 07:12

It is a pity that this matter wasn't handled better by your 'friend' but the blame lies with them, not you, OP. Yes, it is possible you have lost this friend, but such a friend who did not appreciate you but rather your holiday home Sad not really a great loss then, hmm?

Very excited to hear about the coming penguins Grin. Will you put up photos?

Morgause · 14/05/2014 07:13

I think it's a lucky escape you would have to lock anything valuable away.

Maybe the daughter refused to apologise and they couldn't make her.

diddl · 14/05/2014 07:23

They weren't real friends, OP.

I mean who says this to someone they care about that"they don't have much money and coming to us with no hotel costs was the only way they can have a holiday by the sea", without first saying how awful they felt about what their daughter did-whether or not there have already been apologies.

MrsKoala · 14/05/2014 07:24

Whether they were coming or not is irrelevant, you still deserve an apology. How horrible they can't see that and think the issue is the holiday and whether they should come or not. They have made it about themselves rather than you. This is entirely their doing. They sound weak and self interested. I'm sorry OP. It's horrible when friends you think highly of turn out like this.

Invite only nice people to your island from now on and enjoy your squishy new born. Thanks

eddielizzard · 14/05/2014 07:27

wow.

well i think it's worked out for the best. how awful for you, but much nicer to not have them there when you have your lovely little baby.

diddl · 14/05/2014 07:33

If you want help in August-shout out!Wink

Chippednailvarnish · 14/05/2014 07:36

I don't think you have lost a friend, dodged a bullet more like!

YouTheCat · 14/05/2014 07:37

I reckon the daughter has thrown a strop at being told to apologise. Then the dad has realised he can't leave the ungrateful wretch at home and neither can he trust her to be in your home again.

I think he has done the very sensible thing. You might not have lost a friend but she might need an ear to listen to her woes about her wayward dd.

Groovee · 14/05/2014 07:42

Sad I do feel sad for you if you have lost a friend, but had they been a true friend this would have been sorted a lot sooner than when they ask for a free holiday and not dumped you when they realised they'd lost their only chance to be beside the sea!

RenterNomad · 14/05/2014 07:45

To be charitable to them, they may be as overwhelmed and paralysingly mortified about facing you as they were about confronting their daughter. However, sadly, such people don't seem as though they make great friends, or great parents...

NotALondoner · 14/05/2014 07:46

So the parents still haven't apologised themselves either?

I know the feeling when it dawns on you there is a mismatch between your idea of friendship and your friends idea of friendship. It's not a good feeling but it's inevitable, sorry about that.

brdgrl · 14/05/2014 07:57

Sorry, OP. And everything MrsKoala said.

AnyFucker · 14/05/2014 08:46

You haven't "lost" a friend. You have dodged freeloading idiots who don't know what friendship really is. Onward and upward.

OnlyLovers · 14/05/2014 08:49

I'm sorry to hear that, Mrsd, but from the outside, honestly, it doesn't sound like that much of a loss.

IMO no proper friend would behave this way. I bet you've got lots of genuinely lovely people in your lives.

LilacRoses · 14/05/2014 08:54

Sorry about that outcome OP but honestly, what kind of people behave like that? Their child steals from you and they act as if they are the hard done by ones and ask for another freebie holiday.....riiiiiiiight!

I lost some longstanding friends a couple of years ago and it was hurtful at the time but to be honest I am much happier now. I realised I'd been putting up with their crap for too long and they were livid when I finally confronted them about it.

They are indeed freeloading idiots as AF says.

expatinscotland · 14/05/2014 09:12

They are probably waiting for a return message, begging them to come back to sponge.

Don't bother replying.

Nice people do not behave like this.

Whereisegg · 14/05/2014 09:16

I really hope his email contained an apology somewhere in it! Shock

Burren · 14/05/2014 09:48

That's a pity, OP, but you are faultless, and have behaved impeccably - erring only on the side of being too generous - throughout. Their behaviour is bafflingly rude and offhand, whatever is going on at their end. Whatever about there being no apology from the daughter (who, frankly, sounds troubled - her behaviour around the bracelet sounds odd to me...), I would have expected a sincere apology on her behalf from her parents, rather than a huffy statement that they are now not coming.

Enjoy your newborn without these freeloaders with their kleptomaniac teenager!

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 14/05/2014 10:02

Glad to hear your penguins are arriving soon :o

Who needs friends freeloaders when you have penguin bollards?

It sounds to me like their dd may have point blank refused to apologise to you. Why else would you not have had that apology? And why on Earth is it your friend's husband doing the contacting?

All very odd, and not the behaviour of good people.

Enjoy your new baby, and don't feel any guilt at all. You have been blameless and forgiving.