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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for an apology or just leave it

271 replies

Mrsdavidcaruso · 12/05/2014 10:08

Last year some friends came for a Holiday with their 14 yo DD. Quite frankly the girl was nightmare but assume no different from any other 14 yo's forced to come on holiday with their parents traipsing round stately homes and the like. She spent all of the evenings on her ipad but again I guess that's normal teenage behaviour.

She perked up a bit when I let her look at my jewellery and was very taken with a gated bracelet in rose gold with a lozenge dangling from it that used to hang from my Great Granddads fob watch.

The day after she saw it when we were out I noticed it on her wrist I was a bit upset as its a family heirloom and didn't want it to get lost, I didn't make a thing about it just told her I never take it out and put it in my handbag.

The day they left just when they were about to leave I suddenly had a 'feeling' looked in my jewellery case and it was gone.

I tried to ask her away from her parents if she had it but she went into one took it out of her pocket and threw it at me her mum was so embarrassed but as they had to leave to get their ferry I had to leave it.

I had assumed she had disciplined her DD and had hoped that I would get a least an email saying sorry but the incident has never been mentioned again.

Now they want to come again in August I asked my friend if her DD was happy about coming but as she said they don't have much money and coming to us with no hotel costs was the only way they can have a holiday by the sea.

AIBU to at least expect an apology from the girl when she is here, am assuming that at age 15 she might be more willing to do so.

I am happy for them all to come but TBH I am still a bit upset by it all.

OP posts:
gimcrack · 14/05/2014 10:20

There's something odd going on here. Maybe the daughter's an absolute nightmare and her mum's been hanging on to the belief that underneath she is ok as she wrote a lovely email to Mrs DC. They don't want to come as they know Mrs DC won't want the daughter as she's a horrid thief, and can't go without the daughter.

Mrs DC, it's up to you (obviously) if you want to continue the friendship. But don't feel guilty and reinvite them as the daughter will be hell.

WaitMonkey · 14/05/2014 10:58

op, you sound absolutely lovely and deserve much nicer friends. Am amazed they still haven't given you an apology and feel it acceptable just to let you know they aren't coming. Incredibly rude. Good luck with the lo. Thanks

Dubjackeen · 14/05/2014 10:59

Just want to wish you all the best with the new arrival(s)...that includes the penguins too.
You haven't really lost a friend. Maybe they are having a tough time with their daughter, right now, but honestly, that isn't your problem.
All the best for the rest of your pregnancy.

AlpacaLypse · 14/05/2014 11:11

Congratulations on all your incoming new arrivals! - I'd been wondering about the penguin saga...

But sorry your friendship has ended on a sour note like this.

eddielizzard · 14/05/2014 13:20

i wouldn't reply.

they STILL owe you an apology.

QuintessentiallyQS · 14/05/2014 13:23

Glad to hear about the imminent arrivals!

It is sad to lose a friend. But I think you lost that friend long ago, you only just discovered it now. Shame. You sound like a nice friend to have.

Itsfab · 14/05/2014 13:47

Obvious where she gets it from when her mother cries when pulled up on her behaviour!

Sorry, O, but you are a mug to stand by and let her stealing it twice go by without any consequences, to roll over and bank roll them a holiday and then to buy this email bollocks.

You might be proud of where you live but it isn't yours. You didn't build it. It is just where you live and not a reason to host such vile people.

Stealing was bad enough but they have added insult to injury with their actions since - all of them, not just the daughter.

WaitMonkey · 14/05/2014 13:53

Can anyone fill me in on the Penguin saga please ? Feel left out. Smile

Itsfab · 14/05/2014 13:55

Of course you are sad that you feel you have lost s friend but they aren't acting like a friend now and that is the point.

abuhamzamouse · 14/05/2014 13:55

Lucky escape for you OP. Don't email back, they don't deserve a reply. You however deserve an apology.

Gruntfuttock · 14/05/2014 13:55

AnyFucker "You haven't "lost" a friend. You have dodged freeloading idiots who don't know what friendship really is. Onward and upward."

I couldn't agree me. I do feel sorry for the OP, though, as it's not nice to realise that you've been viewed in this way by people you thought were friends. They are right not to come but they are very wrong indeed to have not apologised profusely and sent (at the very least) flowers. It just goes to show what kind of people they are. You're well rid of them.

Gruntfuttock · 14/05/2014 13:56

I meant I couldn't agree more - not me Blush

Puzzledandpissedoff · 14/05/2014 14:59

So sorry they've behaved in such an ugly manner, Mrs DC - as someone else said, it's hardly appropriate to make it all about them and they're most certainly not the "friends" you thought they were

Luckily you've got some really happy times coming up; enjoy them Smile

ZenNudist · 14/05/2014 15:28

They sound horrible, you just don't do that! Assuming they are both your friends why did the dh email you? Very odd.

So we all know what sane normal people do in these situations, ex friends of yours clearly weird and selfish!

Still it hurts to lose a friend. Have someThanks by way of sympathy.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 14/05/2014 17:04

Thats really sad that they decided to react like that - utterly not your fault and please don't feel bad about it.

Love the phrase 'I can always rely on mumsnet to call a spade a fucking shovel' Grin

I need to use it sooooooon!

Itsfab · 14/05/2014 18:06

Even if you did get an email apology I would be suspicious it was from a parent and not the child.

SauvignonBlanche · 14/05/2014 18:12

I'm sorry to hear that MrsDC, it sounds like you had a lucky escape and you'll definitely have enough on your hands in the summer! Smile

hoppingmad · 14/05/2014 19:04

They are really behaving like the injured party aren't they? Utterly pathetic, even toddlers can manage a sorry if they're naughty.

Don't back down and try and keep the peace, you sound far too lovely to be friends with such rude twats.

I dread to think what I would do if I caught dd stealing. I do know I would be mortified and extremely apologetic. I think most people would be the same.

I'm sorry you've been through this, time to kick them out of your head space, sounds like you have plenty of nicer things to think about anyway.

PedantMarina · 14/05/2014 20:39

MrsDC, actually I'm not sorry to hear they're not coming. They'd just be a drain on you and your lovely family (soon to be bigger!).

I agree that the DD has flat-out refused to apologise, and that's why it took a few days to hear from them. Still, what kind of "friends" are they that they wouldn't apologise on her behalf, at the VERY least?!? How good a friend can she be if her [apparent] embarrassment trumps doing the right thing by you? Agog and aghast over here.

Roll on penguins, and teeny baby toes to nibble!

Topaz25 · 14/05/2014 21:14

TBH you are making a rod for your own back if you allow them back in your home. The daughter is a thief and a liar and the mother is so unwilling or unable to deal with her daughter's behaviour she'd rather be rude to you instead. The parents should also have apologised in the first place rather than just leaving it up to their daughter. They are the adults and they are not taking any responsibility. The daughter's behaviour will probably be worse when she is forced to apologise and you will have to watch her every second because her parents sure won't! And they have admitted they are using you for a free holiday!

Waltermittythesequel · 14/05/2014 21:25

Total pisstakers.

And the excuse was pitiful.

Unless they only EVER contact you for a holiday, don't you think it's a bit suss that they never, ever mentioned her email or your lack of response to it?

And then she hung up on you!

You are well rid. Selfish gits.

Hissy · 14/05/2014 21:57

The tears, the dh calling, the 'you've lost a friend' comment?

All deeply manipulative and a pile of bollocks.

The tears? Because they wanted you to just stfu and not react.

The phone call? Sending the heavies in.

The email? Sending the thumbscrews and wet kippers in.

They're users, and thieves. You haven't lost anything, you've freed up space for *gooda friends.

Topaz25 · 14/05/2014 23:08

Sorry I missed the post about the email. Honestly you are better off without friends like that.

Jux · 15/05/2014 15:50

Well, I hope he was nice about it at least. I can just imagine him being nasty about telling you they're not coming. Maybe it's the dd's punishment she doesn't get a holiday? OK, I'm being hopeful.

Glad the penguins' arrival is imminent! How is your new garden? Are the neighbours behaving?

Good luck with the rest of your pg, and hope all goes well when the time comes and I know your new baby will be immeasurably delightful Thanks

NadiaWadia · 15/05/2014 16:43

I would really love to know the wording of the email/text where he told you they weren't coming this year. Was there any hint of an apology in it? yes I am being nosy