Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for an apology or just leave it

271 replies

Mrsdavidcaruso · 12/05/2014 10:08

Last year some friends came for a Holiday with their 14 yo DD. Quite frankly the girl was nightmare but assume no different from any other 14 yo's forced to come on holiday with their parents traipsing round stately homes and the like. She spent all of the evenings on her ipad but again I guess that's normal teenage behaviour.

She perked up a bit when I let her look at my jewellery and was very taken with a gated bracelet in rose gold with a lozenge dangling from it that used to hang from my Great Granddads fob watch.

The day after she saw it when we were out I noticed it on her wrist I was a bit upset as its a family heirloom and didn't want it to get lost, I didn't make a thing about it just told her I never take it out and put it in my handbag.

The day they left just when they were about to leave I suddenly had a 'feeling' looked in my jewellery case and it was gone.

I tried to ask her away from her parents if she had it but she went into one took it out of her pocket and threw it at me her mum was so embarrassed but as they had to leave to get their ferry I had to leave it.

I had assumed she had disciplined her DD and had hoped that I would get a least an email saying sorry but the incident has never been mentioned again.

Now they want to come again in August I asked my friend if her DD was happy about coming but as she said they don't have much money and coming to us with no hotel costs was the only way they can have a holiday by the sea.

AIBU to at least expect an apology from the girl when she is here, am assuming that at age 15 she might be more willing to do so.

I am happy for them all to come but TBH I am still a bit upset by it all.

OP posts:
PedantMarina · 12/05/2014 22:35

Oooohhh, MrsDC, we had such hopes for you once the penguins arrived. But you're letting the side down again.

By all means be proud of your locale. But invite only NICE people (oh, who I kidding: invite only nest-of-vipers). Every damned poster on this fred (unlike your alleged friends) would:

  1. abstain from stealing from you
  2. bring you flowers and shed loads of wine & cake.
  3. tackle Bin Lady just for the fun of it.

I live by the fricking seaside, and I'd still come visit just for the love of ya, and MN solidarity

Seriously, get DH and BiL to get medieval of these alleged friends. I've never been a big fan of clichés, but in this case, the DD didn't really fall far from the tree, did she...

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 12/05/2014 22:53

"Dear X, due to your family's dishonesty, rudeness and lack of contrition we think you might find the Far Side of Fuck to be a more congenial destination this summer. Yours, The Penguins pp Mrsdavidcaruso".

nauticant · 12/05/2014 22:57

But you're letting the side down again.

Putting pressure in the OP like that is not helpful. Surely it's up to the OP to make her own decisions based on her knowledge about the people involved and the circumstances.

AnyFucker · 12/05/2014 23:05

PM is being lighthearted. That looks pretty obvious to me.

expatinscotland · 12/05/2014 23:10

What Witch said. We have not money for holidays by the sea, or any holidays but for our tent and my parents' generosity, which has been offered, not asked, much less guilt-tripped.

What sort of person has no pride?

We are poor, one of our daughters is dead and our son has autism and ADHD. We saved and sold things for a tent and bags and acquired gear over years to take camping holidays. If there is a friend we wish to see, we arrange to camp nearby, not tell them tales of woe of how we cannot afford a hotel! How embarrassing! 'We will be at campsite X, we hope so much to see and visit you then.' If it is not affordable to stay at campsite X, well then, you do not go. If we cannot afford a meal out, then we ask them to a meal at camp or a picnic out.

As I said, I'd have ripped my only living daughter a new head and left the old one ashore afront of any sail if I found out she stole a thing off my friend who offered us hospitality and threw it at her face like that, even at the age of 14, and she is the only one left to us or that we will ever have.

Sorry but this is no friend who behaves like this, or even puts it out like you are some form of hotel.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 12/05/2014 23:41

Oooh Oooh Oooh - invite me Op!

(Shoves ahead of PedantMarina rather ungraciously.)

I'm lovely. Dh is lovely. We have a wonderfully well behaved 4 year old and an adorable and mischievous baby.

And I would bring wine, flowers, cake and chocolate.

Ok - the baby has slight kleptomaniac tendencies but only for things he can reach and as he starts crawling down the hall with his latest "prize" (current favorite is the lid off an old moisturer jar - he loves that) the four year old will run after him going "give that back, bad baby!" so you'll definitely get it back.

Pick Meeeeeeee!

QuintessentiallyQS · 12/05/2014 23:56

So you have not actually spoken to this people in, what, a year? Their dd tried to steal from you twice? By mistake? And no word until they again want bed & board with you?

zippey · 13/05/2014 00:33

I believe youre friend and the account of the husband. Your friend put the phone down because she is obviously still affected by the incident and is embarrassed by her daughters behaviour.

Give them another chance and see what the daughters apology is like. You will know if its genuine or not. If it sounds like a snotty 15 year old forced apology, don't accept it.

sykadelic · 13/05/2014 03:55

When you say you said you told her you were still upset, did you say that you hadn't received an apology?

If their DD wasn't there, and you didn't mention the lack of apology, how did they know she didn't sent you the email after all and instead you weren't holding a grudge?

Also why, if they hadn't heard anything from you, did they not follow up? Why wasn't it mentioned when they planned to come again?

If all you said was that you were still upset about it, why did she just hang up instead of saying something about this email and apparent apology? Why didn't she try and talk to you about it?

I'm sorry but i think you're being lied to and I wouldn't want them in my house at all.

eddielizzard · 13/05/2014 06:54

has she apologised yet?

CuntBiscuit · 13/05/2014 08:22

Poor, poor OP. Sometimes, I do wonder how anyone on MN has any friends at all.

I can totally see the friend's distress as being real, they must have been horrified, and completely embarrassed that they'd asked to visit again under the circumstances.

rollonthesummer · 13/05/2014 08:30

Her bursting into tears and hanging up is very dramatic and is marking it all about her when it should be about repairing the damage her child has made.

I think you're bonkers if you have them back and fully expect to see you back on here in the summer saying she has spilt make up all over your bed and done loads of other damage to your house. It would ruin the rest of my summer dreading her coming!

Groovee · 13/05/2014 08:44

I'm not sure I believe the crocodile tears. Maybe she is someone who buries her head in the sand, but maybe she still needs to learn that holidays are not a right, and free bed and board from you after the events last year was rather presumptuous.

eddielizzard · 13/05/2014 08:45

they don't seem to be horrified or embarrassed though. they haven't been in touch since the last holiday and now just want another one.

if i went to stay with someone i would be sending them a very big thank you for having us all. sounds to me like they're not actually grateful at all.

but not enough info to go on, like do they help out round the house? buy food? cook meals? bring wine and chocs etc.?

Icelollycraving · 13/05/2014 08:53

You are clearly a much nicer person than me! Don't be afraid to come back to the thread.
If my child stole from a friend who'd put us up,I wouldn't have the front to ask to return. Lots of people have asked why this wasn't discussed with these users friends over the last year. They sound like hard work. I suspect you are such a people pleaser that you will end up being overly nice to them whilst they stay & you will never be rid.

rollonthesummer · 13/05/2014 09:02

Do you have a history of saying yes to people so they'll be friends with you? Honestly?

MidniteScribbler · 13/05/2014 09:08

cough bullshit cough

These people aren't friends.

nauticant · 13/05/2014 09:09

they haven't been in touch since the last holiday

Has the OP actually said this or is this one of those "truths" that just seem to emerge through the collective unconsciousness of a mumsnet thread?

candycoatedwaterdrops · 13/05/2014 10:26

Oh come on, they are taking you for a ride!

OnlyLovers · 13/05/2014 10:44

nauticant, I don't think she has said so, no. Currently it's a 'Mumsnet truth' Grin.

RenterNomad · 13/05/2014 12:40

Contacting someone you haven't seen in a while is hard. I'm currently struggling to write a birthday card for someone who sometimes does go to ground for long periods. However, the effort is important to me and (I hope) to her.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 13/05/2014 12:49

Forgive me if someone's already mentioned this, but if the "friends" didn't know what to say when the stolen item was thrown at OP, and if they're so mortified/upset that they've not been able to discuss it sensibly since ..... how will they handle it if their daughter visits OP and kicks off again??

I really wouldn't be able to stand the stress myself Confused

rollonthesummer · 13/05/2014 12:58

OP is behaving like she hasn't had any contact with them since the bracelet incident though? Presumably she was upset then and is still upset now as she hasn't resolved it with them? If she's seen them since-surely she'd have been upset then and said something? She isn't suddenly upset now?!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 13/05/2014 13:10

Well yes, so you'd think, Rollonthesummer

It would be great if OP gives an update - after all, the daughter must have been home by now, surely??

AnandaTimeIn · 13/05/2014 13:32

Aside from the stealing - no, I wouldn, t have them back again cos I don, t want to be wondering what, s missing from my home - you write that she was a nightmare.

Why would you want to put yourself through that again?

Oh, and friends who see me as a free holiday house can trot right on by.