To ask for an apology or just leave it

[Mrsdavidcaruso]

Last year some friends came for a Holiday with their 14 yo DD. Quite frankly the girl was nightmare but assume no different from any other 14 yo's forced to come on holiday with their parents traipsing round stately homes and the like. She spent all of the evenings on her ipad but again I guess that's normal teenage behaviour.

She perked up a bit when I let her look at my jewellery and was very taken with a gated bracelet in rose gold with a lozenge dangling from it that used to hang from my Great Granddads fob watch.

The day after she saw it when we were out I noticed it on her wrist I was a bit upset as its a family heirloom and didn't want it to get lost, I didn't make a thing about it just told her I never take it out and put it in my handbag.

The day they left just when they were about to leave I suddenly had a 'feeling' looked in my jewellery case and it was gone.

I tried to ask her away from her parents if she had it but she went into one took it out of her pocket and threw it at me her mum was so embarrassed but as they had to leave to get their ferry I had to leave it.

I had assumed she had disciplined her DD and had hoped that I would get a least an email saying sorry but the incident has never been mentioned again.

Now they want to come again in August I asked my friend if her DD was happy about coming but as she said they don't have much money and coming to us with no hotel costs was the only way they can have a holiday by the sea.

AIBU to at least expect an apology from the girl when she is here, am assuming that at age 15 she might be more willing to do so.

I am happy for them all to come but TBH I am still a bit upset by it all.

Appalling behaviour. I would not have these people in my house ever again and I would tell them why if they ever had the nerve to ask.

Tell them to shove their free holiday where the sun never shines. You are not providing a hotel service.

Hi thanks for all the replies.

For the record I didn't want them not to come they are good friends and TBH I am proud of my little Island and love having people coming to stay I always feel good when people come and have a nice time. Sorry if that makes me sound soft but it's how I feel

I have taken advice and phone my mate saying that she and her family are very welcome bit I am still upset about the bracelet incident. My mate went quiet and then burst into tears and put the phone down.

About 1/2 hour later I got a phone call from her DH, seems that little madam was told to send me an email saying sorry, they even sat down with her while she composed it BUT either she didn't send it or it bounced back DD was out say her Dad is going to ask her when she comes in.

They thought she had apologised and that I hadn't mentioned it as the matter was closed.

I have been promised a phone call from their DD with a proper apology
when she gets in.

The Dad said he would not be offended if I said they couldn't come now
TBH he sounded really upset himself. I have reassured him saying I want then to come.

You are a real mug. She put the phone down on you? Yeah, I'd probably be upset if I found out my free holiday was jeopardised.

I would have ripped my daughter a new head and left the old one on shore the second I found out she stole that thing.

Hmmm. I'm not sure whether I'd believe that. I would have made my DD either speak to you or write a letter and post it myself to ensure you got it. Email? And to not ensure it had gone? Or that you'd got it?

Maybe I'm just a distrusting sort. I don't understand why she would put the phone down. And why it took half an hour for her DH to ring you? Time to work out a story to ensure they can have their free holiday??

Surely when they didn't get a reply from you to the email their DD supposedly sent they would have either guessed she had never sent it or thought 'uh oh. She's so annoyed she hasn't even accepted the apology' and wouldn't have just cooly asked to come and stay again.

I would actually have asked DD to show me the sent email. It's not hard to discover if an email has been sent or not. It's not like posting a letter that can go astray with no one realising.

Nahhh, I don't believe it. Op just so that you know, there is a massive difference between being kind/generous and being a bit of a mug.

Piss takers like your 'friends' can tell the difference a mile off and they know you are the latter, and that you will buy the rubbish they are now peddling. And you have.

Sorry I don't buy it - even if their DD was supposed to apologise to you I would've been so mortified by my DDs behaviour that I would've called you and apologised too.

Do you really want to have to watch their DD like a hawk when they come to stay?

Sorry but my bullshit radar is saying 'bollocks'. Why would you put the phone down? That's odd. Also i would always have checked the apology was sent, received and accepted. And email is not the way to make a proper apology.

Whether the daughter apologised or not I would have personally apologised too. The idea that an email from the DD and all was forgotten is naive at best. They may have been embarrassed (as i'm sure anyone would) but just pretending it had all gone away with no acknowledgement is cowardly and childish. They need to grow up and accept what happened and deal with it. Sounds like they wish it would all just quietly go away and are happy to not address it - tough shit really.

You sound very nice and generous with your home and your 'island' OP.

Mmm, sounds like total bs to me. Putting the phone down on you shows that the daughter is clearly learning her behaviour from the parents. If your insistant on them coming I'd ask them to leave the sticky fingered teen at home.

Oh please!!

They are not friends.

I wouldn't treat strangers so badly.

Did they ever say how awful/embarrassed they felt?

Send flowers/chocs/wine?

If you're so proud of your island I'd love to come and stay!

I don't believe that e-mail story at all.

You may be proud of where you live op, but have some self respect too please

So have they not contacted you at all since their daughter twice tried to steal an heirloom from you whilst on a free holiday, except for now, to discuss their next free holiday?

OP, are you the sort of person whose self esteem is based on people liking you for the things you do for them? Is it important that people tell you how generous and kind and lovely you are for letting them stay on your island for free? I know someone like that. She is lovely, but my goodness she puts up with some rubbish because she is desperate for people to like her. It's very sad, as it puts the nice people off and the it's pisstakers who stick around and leach her.

Put the phone down on you...no way would I let these so called friends anywhere near my door. Your choice but think they after free holiday

Am I alone in thinking that a year is far too long for the incident to go unmentioned before dealing with it? It was awful behaviour but it was a year ago.

Who puts the phone down on a friend? Just like her daughter, taking one on when caught out. The the husband rings to guilt trip you and save their free holiday. Having this known thief in your home again is just folly.

She burst into tears? Is she normally this fragile or do you think that there could be something else going on? I don't understand why a. She put the phone down on you and b. why she didn't phone you back herself.

Half an hour to think up such a crap excuse, surely they could have thought of something more convincing.

Surely you've spoken to the friend since the incident? Why wouldn't she mention her daughters apology and/or apologize herself? I'd be mortified!

Also- who apologizes by email???

They'll be able to see if she sent the email or not.

So, unanimous so far from the MN jury in that none of us believe what your friends say OP. Are you rethinking or are you going to allow yourself to be taken for a fool? Sorry, but these people are not your friends. They are freeloaders with very little genuine respect for you.

Not only would I not give people free holidays who stole my gear, I would not stay in touch with them UNLESS parents had rollocked said child and it was clear the child had totally and utterly learned a lesson and was extremely contrite. This child isn't. She is a spoiled cow. She also has a gaping hole where her self-esteem is and seeks to fill it with your stuff, which means it will happen again, and again, and again, until all your nice stuff has gone. Do not have them to stay, OP.

Do these friends just contact you once a year when they want to come on holiday. Do they not phone, email, send a Christmas card or do any of the other things through which they would surely have realised that you never got the apology? Also, given their daughter's appalling behaviour, did they seriously trust her to send an email and not check that it had actually gone? And when there was no response would they not have sent an email or made a phone call saying 'I hope you got dd's apology. We are so sorry for her behaviour and can't apologise enough ourselves' etc etc.

They seem to be treating the whole episode very casually. I would have made DD apologise there and then, and would also have had strict words when we got home, not to mention grounding her for a month.

They are full of shit, their daughter is a thief who believes she in entitled to whatever she likes (the same way her parents do about free holidays), they don't give a toss about you and you are a mug for not telling them, 'I thought it over. I discussed it with DH, and you need to make other arrangements for your holiday.' And if you are too much of a wet blouse to do,that, I would do,it if I were your spouse, because I would not have pisstakers and thieves in my home.

It's your place, and your right to let in who you choose . But if you do let them back , for Gods sake don't leave anything valuable there that you can't afford to lose . And make sure you tell them why your property suddenly appears to be bare of possessions . Because their daughter can't be trusted , and frankly neither can they .

And they're still a bunch of piss taking wankers . Certainly not good friends . Or any friend at all come to that .

I believe the tears are because she thought she could just brush it all nicely under the carpet and because she might miss out on her holiday.

If you like having people to stay so much, invite me. I will coo over your penguins and stick my tongue out at your nutty neighbours.

Seriously, don't invite them.

If you're so proud of where you live, why not invite nice people to enjoy it? Or can't you enjoy it yourself, or with your neighbours and local friends?