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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for an apology or just leave it

271 replies

Mrsdavidcaruso · 12/05/2014 10:08

Last year some friends came for a Holiday with their 14 yo DD. Quite frankly the girl was nightmare but assume no different from any other 14 yo's forced to come on holiday with their parents traipsing round stately homes and the like. She spent all of the evenings on her ipad but again I guess that's normal teenage behaviour.

She perked up a bit when I let her look at my jewellery and was very taken with a gated bracelet in rose gold with a lozenge dangling from it that used to hang from my Great Granddads fob watch.

The day after she saw it when we were out I noticed it on her wrist I was a bit upset as its a family heirloom and didn't want it to get lost, I didn't make a thing about it just told her I never take it out and put it in my handbag.

The day they left just when they were about to leave I suddenly had a 'feeling' looked in my jewellery case and it was gone.

I tried to ask her away from her parents if she had it but she went into one took it out of her pocket and threw it at me her mum was so embarrassed but as they had to leave to get their ferry I had to leave it.

I had assumed she had disciplined her DD and had hoped that I would get a least an email saying sorry but the incident has never been mentioned again.

Now they want to come again in August I asked my friend if her DD was happy about coming but as she said they don't have much money and coming to us with no hotel costs was the only way they can have a holiday by the sea.

AIBU to at least expect an apology from the girl when she is here, am assuming that at age 15 she might be more willing to do so.

I am happy for them all to come but TBH I am still a bit upset by it all.

OP posts:
oldgrandmama · 12/05/2014 12:58

expatinscotland, you are SO naughty! Grin

Cerisier · 12/05/2014 13:07

Don't be guilt tripped. The DD stole from you, was caught out and has done nothing to make amends and neither have the parents. Now they have the cheek to be requesting a cheap holiday. Unbelievable.

OP you should add your story to the thread on cheeky behaviour in classics, it would fit right in!

diddl · 12/05/2014 13:14

I can't understand why you'd even think about it.

How often do you hear from them-when they want a holiday??

Mckayz · 12/05/2014 13:28

Why on earth would you even let them back to your house? They wouldn't be coming for a holiday here if I was you.

MaryWestmacott · 12/05/2014 13:45

Another adding to the "just say no" camp. maybe in a couple of years time when they are holidaying without their DD, but not now. Living by the sea doesn't mean you have a moral obligation to provide a free guest house for all your friends and extended family.

expatinscotland · 12/05/2014 14:33

This definitely belongs in the cheeky behaviour classic thread!

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 12/05/2014 14:38

I agree with everyone else. Did you even get a Christmas card from these selfish people?

angelohsodelight · 12/05/2014 14:49

Interesting point ...... Did you get a Xmas card from them??

PinkSquash · 12/05/2014 14:57

I wouldn't have anyone in my home who would happily steal my things and then not apologise for it. I'd never trust them again.

QuintessentiallyQS · 12/05/2014 15:03

"I cant believe you want to come to my home for a free holiday after last year, none of you have apologized for your dd stealing a family heirloom - sure she threw it back at me but that is hardly the point."

Would be my response to that.

QuintessentiallyQS · 12/05/2014 15:04

But Brunos response is better and more diplomatic.

eddielizzard · 12/05/2014 15:08

they steal, don't apologise and just want free holidays.

there's no friendship here. it would just be a plain NO from me.

whois · 12/05/2014 15:13

No, you are not coming. I am not a fre hotel. Your inability to afford a holiday is not my problem. Your child STOLE something that meant a great deal to me, THREW my property back at me when I caught her out ad you did nothing. You are no longer welcome in my home.

^This

FFS don't even contemplate having them back. It's one thing having a tear away kid, but the parents should have apologised and punished her appropriately, got the daughter to apologise, oh, and then appologise some more!

FrequentFlyerRandomDent · 12/05/2014 15:26

YANBU.

I would not like the emotional blackmail bit to start with to be honest.

Your home, or no holiday for their family. Really?

SybilRamkin · 12/05/2014 15:26

Agree with everyone else - don't let these people walk all over you! Bruno's email is good.

littleballerina · 12/05/2014 15:31

If my child stole from someone I'd be far too embarrassed to stay again.
I would have made them apologise as soon as we got home and certainly wouldn't use friends for free holidays!

diddl · 12/05/2014 15:41

Well you can see where the daughter gets it from, as they don't seem to give a fuck as long as they get what they want.

As for people saying that kids do stupid things-she blatently wore the bracelet in front of OP without asking & when found out she STOLE it!!!

No boundaries at all!!

unobtanium · 12/05/2014 15:57

Oh dear, MrsDavid, it would be perfectly normal and reasonable to change your mind about having them to stay. Write the email Bruno suggested, it is very good.

Whereisegg · 12/05/2014 16:22

Do they ever contact you at all in between wanting free holidays?! Shock

quietbatperson · 12/05/2014 16:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Runesigil · 12/05/2014 16:26

I wouldn't have anyone in my home who would happily steal my things and then not apologise for it. I'd never trust them again.

I wouldn't have anyone in my home who would happily steal my things, end of.

Once it had happened, an apology even an immediate one would not make me be able to trust them again. I'd not be able to settle in my own home wondering what the girl had her eye on, or whether she may 'accidentally' break other things she knew were special to me out of spite.

If you want to avoid all confrontation, just tell them you have other visitors already coming and/or you already have other arrangements for whatever dates they ask for.

Plomino · 12/05/2014 16:31

Hell no . Not ever would they be crossing my threshold ever again . A holiday by the sea , in fact a holiday anywhere is not a right. Perhaps they should spend the time they wanted to spend in your property , back in theirs , dealing with their thieving daughter . To have a child that steals is one thing . To have a child that steals , is caught out , makes no attempt to deal with it as far as you know , fails to apologise and is only embarrassed probably because she got caught , ( because you can bet your life if she hadn't been caught , you'd never have got that back if they'd subsequently found it ) is another thing altogether .

Maybe the daughter should try a holiday in a cell instead .

MrsKoala · 12/05/2014 16:40

The really ungracious comment about only coming to you because they can't afford a hotel, and this being the only way they can get a holiday so they are bringing a guest who is basically 'lumping it' would make me tell them to piss off. Let alone the stealing, which of course is beyond outrageous.

If it were me, flowers sent grovelling apology and i'd never have the shame to inflict my families society on you again.

Seriously. Tell them you have reconsidered and you just aren't comfortable having people there who don't really want to be there, just using it as a free holiday, and especially ones who steal from you and their family who don't even feel the need to apologise.

Please tell me when they come they are at least grateful, pay their way and buy you a nice thank you gift? Hmm

RenterNomad · 12/05/2014 16:50

Their attitude absolutely stinks. I wouldn't relax for a moment with people like that in my house. That's not a visit from friends, it's a B&B's nightmare guest scenario. You're not a B&B, and are not obliged by money to host them, so say no!

Wonder where the DD got her iPad? Could that have paid for a holiday?

hoppingmad · 12/05/2014 16:54

Wow, what a cheek!

I agree that the whole free holiday angle would put me off - you aren't a free hotel. I bet they don't help out and give you flowers or a thank you gift either.

Easy to see where their dd has got her manners from.

I'd probably have put up with it in the past because I was a soft touch. These days I have a zero tolerance to bullshit approach, life is just easier that way.

If I were you I'd tell them that you're no longer available to host their free holiday