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Original poster

To be surprised she told her husband my secret....

770 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 12/05/2014 07:35

A few months ago I confided something to my best friend and asked her not to tell anyone.

A comment made to me this this morning by her DH indicated to me that she had repeated to him what I'd said.

I just got off the phone to her and she openly said that yes she had told her DH but didn't think that would be a problem as her DH wasn't just 'anyone' in her eyes and they tell each other everything. She said had I specified that I didn't want her to tell anyone, including her husband, then obviously she would never have said anything to him. She told me she thought it was normal for married couples to share and that it was strange that I was surprised they had been discussing me.

It wasn't a major secret or anything horrific so I'm not overly annoyed at her, I do know her husband quite well and this won't affect any of our friendships or any thing, but I still feel a bit confused.

Would you share with your husband something you'd been asked to keep quiet about just because he's your husband and "that's what married couples do"?

OP posts:
Longtalljosie · 12/05/2014 12:35

I will generally tell DH but I'll remind him it's a confidence and he knows to keep his mouth shut. If it's a very big deal, though, I wouldn't tell him, as you know the difference between "Don't tell anyone but I told my boss to fuck off" and "don't tell anyone but my DP is being investigated for a crime".

thegreylady · 12/05/2014 12:37

I always say,"I will tell dh of course unless it is vitally important that I don't".

NeedsAsockamnesty · 12/05/2014 12:43

If it is so acceptable to tell your DH these things why be cross if he lets on he knows?

Silly people who don't understand the difference between themselves and their partner are luckily the only people I have ever had to sack unluckily there have been quite a few of them.

twofingerstoGideon · 12/05/2014 12:44

Genuinely shocked at the number of people who blab to their partners and husbands.

Appalling.

ICanSeeTheSun · 12/05/2014 12:47

When the secret or problems comes out ( not always) DH is not bothered I didn't tell him.

KleineDracheKokosnuss · 12/05/2014 12:50

If a friend told me she wanted to tell me something but I could not tell my DH, I would tell her not to tell me in the first place. If I was told I wouldn't be able to tell 'anyone', I would clarify what that meant.

If I'd been told something and later my friend said 'you can't tell anyone, even your DH', I'd be really quite cross and would likely tell DH anyway because I share everything with him.

motherinferior · 12/05/2014 13:12

I think you kinda have to accept that you tell a couple the secret when you tell one of them.

Why? Why????

I have lots of lovely friends whose partners I don't know particularly well. A few whose partners I don't particularly like either.

motherinferior · 12/05/2014 13:13

I'm also slightly taken aback by the number of people who spend their evenings gossiping about other people's private lives under the guise of 'unburdening' or 'sharing'.

Sparklingbrook · 12/05/2014 13:15

I am so updating my spreadsheet so that I know which of you on this thread I can tell stuff to.

OddFodd · 12/05/2014 13:20

I've worked all my life in jobs where I find out all sorts of corporate secrets and have to sign confidentiality clauses on a regular basis. Would you blabbers be unable to accept a job where that was the case?

cutefluffybunnes · 12/05/2014 13:21

About a year ago, a good friend told me she was considering a divorce. Her DH is also a good friend of ours. She asked me not to tell anyone. So I didn't tell DH, either. Now she has made plans to leave, so I did tell DH, who is well hacked off that I didn't tell him earlier. But frankly, him knowing would have made no difference to the outcome, and although I can see why DH is annoyed, I'm glad I let her take her time and come to a decision without 'everyone' knowing. If she had decided to stay, it would have been best that her mulling a divorce was kept a secret.

That said, if he had ever asked me outright, hey is X planning to leave Y, I would not have lied.

Dunno... case by case basis, I guess.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 12/05/2014 13:24

I really can't believe the response this has had and how completely normal some people think it is whereas other people are appalled it happened.

My friend has been apologetic but I told her not to worry and it was just a case of crossed wires. Next time I tell her something I will make sure I specify that her DH is included in the 'anyone' she must not tell Smile

OP posts:
motherinferior · 12/05/2014 13:24

I bloody hope none of you lot work in child protection. And what d'you do when you go on jury service?

Gileswithachainsaw · 12/05/2014 13:45

I would also find it incredibly annoying if a partner turned a friends life and stressful dilema into a drama all about them just because the wife didn't tell them something that's none of their business and they made it all about them not bring told

Gileswithachainsaw · 12/05/2014 13:46

Not being

olaflikeswarmhugs · 12/05/2014 13:50

If someone asked me not to tell anyone including dh , I wouldn't tell him (although if it affected him I may make a judgement call and change my mind)

If they didn't specify and just said "anyone" I would tell him .

TequilaMockingbirdy · 12/05/2014 13:52

If someone says, 'dont tell anyone' that specifically means ANYONE including your partners. Just because they're important to you doesn't mean they're important to the rest of the world including your friend who has confided in you.

nameuschangeus · 12/05/2014 13:53

I wouldn't tell anybody if if been asked not to, dp or otherwise.

Bananapickle · 12/05/2014 13:54

I tell my DH most things but he would never let on that he knew. If my DH did what this guy did I'd be angry with him but then again he never would!
As someone else said more often then not its just a case of needing a sounding board and making sure I've handled things right or any advice that would be helpful.

TequilaMockingbirdy · 12/05/2014 13:54

And those going on about keeping secrets from spouses.. erm it isn't your bloody secret actually.

Do you tell them everything pray tell?

TequilaMockingbirdy · 12/05/2014 13:55

I find it a bit Hmm that people need their ideas and thoughts validated by their husbands.

DealForTheKids · 12/05/2014 13:56

Odd, a number of work related confidentiality clauses allow you to share with your domestic partner because they understand you can't really set up a Chinese wall in your own home.

littleredsquirrel · 12/05/2014 13:57

TBH and I know I'll probably get flamed for this. If a friend wanted to tell me something and told me in advance that I wasn't to tell DH I'd probably say don't tell me then.

ICanSeeTheSun · 12/05/2014 13:57

If I need advice how to deal with a situation I normally say to DH there is a thread on MN about something what would you do.

No need to name the friend.

OwlCapone · 12/05/2014 13:57

Why do they need to specify anything beyond the word "anyone". Do you all not understand what "anyone" means? Confused

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