To be surprised she told her husband my secret....

[Writerwannabe83]

A few months ago I confided something to my best friend and asked her not to tell anyone.

A comment made to me this this morning by her DH indicated to me that she had repeated to him what I'd said.

I just got off the phone to her and she openly said that yes she had told her DH but didn't think that would be a problem as her DH wasn't just 'anyone' in her eyes and they tell each other everything. She said had I specified that I didn't want her to tell anyone, including her husband, then obviously she would never have said anything to him. She told me she thought it was normal for married couples to share and that it was strange that I was surprised they had been discussing me.

It wasn't a major secret or anything horrific so I'm not overly annoyed at her, I do know her husband quite well and this won't affect any of our friendships or any thing, but I still feel a bit confused.

Would you share with your husband something you'd been asked to keep quiet about just because he's your husband and "that's what married couples do"?

BarbarianMum- in those circumstances I would say to my friend "if you're living in my house and you need practical support from both Dp and me, he needs to know a bit of what's going on. What shall I tell him?"

But you can speak to the friend first.

Explain you are happy to help her but as she now requires to stay with us for a bit that you will need to clear it/speak to your dh. Give them te choice and let them know that it has got to a point where you can no longer do this on your own.

That's not a problem. You have warned them and asked them and they are aware of the fact that you will tell your dh.

But this thread didn't start up about extreme circumstances. It started with people saying they tell their dp's everything and have no secrets. See MI's post of 11.56.

You also crossed posts with others agreeing.

Now, back to this day to day business of breaking friends confidences because you tell your dps everything..............

It depends really. Some things I would, some things I wouldn't.

To be honest though, some of my friends just like a sounding boarding, they don't want emotional support just an ear. So often don't retain the information they've told me anyway.

Gosh it's like the Spanish Inquisition.

Everlong, I'd just leave them to it. Anyway I'm sure we've got things to do, what with being weak, Stepford wives who like nothing better than a gossip.

I see what you are saying but you make it sound like this nice, neat, controllable flow of revelations that you can just hold up your hand and say stop to at any point. But it wasn't like that. I don't think X had any idea what delving into these long suppressed issues was going to do to her - I was totally naive. At the point she moved in with us she'd just attempted suicide and frankly wasn't up to deciding what to reveal or not. So I did the best I could and it worked out.

I wouldn't (couldn't) do it again though. And I'm clear w everyone that I don't keep confidences from dh. That way I am never in that position again.

I suppose if you tell your DH everything, thats up to you. Different strokes and all that.

My main concern was that some were saying they tell their DH everything (for various reasons), even when told not to tell anyone (because their DH isn't jus anyone), but then said they'd kill their DH if he let on!! So obviously said friend is to be kept in the dark about your DH "supporting you."

If you're going to tell him, make sure your friend knows you will or you are betraying their trust!!

[Barbarian] That's exactly it! You are being completely honest about your stance to ALL concerned.

I wouldn't tell my DH because it's not my secret to tell

i tell my oh everything,so i think yabu.

Oh good. We've come full circle.

I bypass my oh and go straight to the husband of the person who told me the secret. I like to think I'm helping them by creating greater honesty in their relationship.

Squoosh

Don't be silly. Nobody would confide in you if you haven't got "a fella".

squoosh

Coldlightofday Id tell nobody at all. As its a secret. Loose lips sink ships, n all that...

I would keep the secret - a friend of mine asked me not to tell her secret. I respected that. it has happened that I told a friend some personal crisis I was in and she was then talked about it in front of her husband so she had told him. to be fair, I don't really think I had emphasized that she shouldn't tell him specifically, I just assumed she wouldn't.

Not read the whole post but I'm a bit baffled. If OP said "don't tell anyone" I would assume that meant anyone! It's not like the friend was keeping anything from her husband, because it was none of his business. I'd be appalled if anything I said in confidence was repeated to the persons spouse. If somebody told me something in confidence that I found really hard to bare I would ask them if they minded me confiding in my OH, but even then I wouldn't identify the person! OP I don't think you are BU