To think that pregnant women don't trump everybody else for a seat on the tube?

[dancersdad]

I possibly need some perspective. DW and I were in London today, and unavoidably had to travel on the tube this evening in commuter rush hour. DW has a number of health issues that aren't physically visible, but definitely do impact upon her ability to stand on a crowded tube. When we got on at the start of our journey back the tube was packed with no free seats, so we both stood and I held onto DW as I was worried she was going to fall. The carriage was made up almost entirely of commuters. Two stops into our journey an elderly man got off leaving one of the priority seats free- the only free seat in the carriage. DW went to take the seat and was almost knocked onto the floor by a heavily pregnant woman who tried to slide into the seat alongside DW and beat her to it, as it was DW was already in the seat and the other woman stood up. She then told DW she was so sorry to ask her to move, but she was in a priority seat and as she was sure she knew, priority seats are reserved for those who really need them. DW told her that she had a reason for needing the priority seat too and refused to move when asked again. Cue a whole string of abuse about how no one has any manners nowadays, that she had asked DW to give up her seat for her because as a woman she would expect DW to understand that pregnancy can be hell, the least she could do would be to let her have the seat etc. I stepped in at this point and explained that DW really did need the seat, and loudly suggested to the rest of the carriage that I was sure someone else would be willing to give up a seat for her. Suddenly everyone else was deeply engrossed in their ipads, kindles etc, except for an elderly lady in the other priority seat who clearly needed it too, and offered her seat. The pregnant woman announced loudly that she couldn't possibly ask someone else who needed the seat to give it up, and it was a shame that some people (glaring at DW) had no respect for the priority system, which is in place to ensure those who really need a seat can get one. I pointed out again that DW had a genuine need for the seat too. Cue huffing, eye rolling, and lurching over DW whenever the train changed speed for the rest of her journey.

AIBU to think that although some pregnant women do need a seat on a tube, they shouldn't assume automatic priority over others also in need? There's no priority seat ranking system I don't know about?

Fgs I travel on public transport with a chronic condition. I barely have a pot to piss in. I often WALK on my stupid gammy leg to save on the bus. But the OP is describing someone who is is in a much more fragile state than that.

I suspect if we asked OP if his wife were up to working and commuting that he would say no. They had this ONE journey to make, sounds like. So yes, next time, find the money. The same way you find money for a roof over your head. I would pay £30 to avoid a broken hip too late for me or arm. It's shitty, I KNOW, but it's part of having a disability. You can't put yourself at severe risk!

If the OP were describing DW's condition differently I wouldn't be saying this. But I think, since he's here asking about it, as someone who is learning to manage a disability all the time myself, that the deeper issue here is the way DW's ED is intersecting with their view of what she can and should be doing.

OP is perfectly welcome to explain why I'm off base, but these are my thoughts.

Having read what the disability is I really do think YWBU. It may not have been particularly

YANBU. Sorry I was not there; if I remained seated in the circumstances I would feel the eyes of my late parents glaring at me!

Sorry, pleasant for your DW to stand but it would not have been painful.

Disgraceful that the other passengers wouldn't give up a seat, but I would have spoken directly to one and asked them for their seat. Here in Mexico City I am proud to say that mostly people jump up when they see an obviously disabled, elderly or pregnant woman.

() fifi

I do have to say though, selfish as some twats are, I would struggle to believe that someone would lie about having a disability just to get a seat.

So from that respect, I wouldn't doubt another person telling me they needed a seat. Whether that need was greater than my own, well who knows! First come first served I suppose, and no abusive behaviour is never acceptable.

A woman who can be rude to another person in front of a busy tube carriage is perfectly capable of asking for her own seat. I expect nobody offered it because she was making herself out to be pretty unpleasant. Pregnant or not, if you are unpleasant and verbally attacking other people, generally people won't be considerate of you.
It's rubbish to expect OP to ask someone else to give up their seat for the woman. Women are able to make their own requests.
I have commuted through three pregnancies and 50% time I was offered a seat and the rest I found the "do you mind awfully..." worked perfectly well. If I felt in need. Which I didn't always.

DW was the person involved in the confrontation because she was the person who dashed for a seat when one became available.

FGS this one upmanship over who deserves the seat more is so tiresome.

OP YWNBU. The pregnant lady was for going on at your DW instead of using ger energy to find another seat off a more able-bodied person.

PG women with additional health problems, imagine for a moment feeling horrendous all day, every day for years and having to justify yourself on public transport everyday for sitting in a priority seat.

Thank your lucky stars you only had to "suffer" for 9 months.

A PG lady does deserve a seat over an able-bodied person, they do not have the right to mouth off at someone who has explained that they have a need for the seat too.

It's a discussion thread. The question is not what the pregnant woman should have done, she isn't here asking. The question is whether the OP's DW was justified in taking the seat given the situation. Which was that noone else was giving up theirs, and a pregnant woman was asking for it.

If the op's wife was so fragile and unable to stand why didn't op ask someone to stand up for her?

I suspect that the reason other people didn't get up was because they had also seen DW run for the seat and agreed she should get up...

Assuming this really happened,

This competitiveness about who deserves the seat more is really unedifying.

I think that the pregnant woman possibly had experienced one too many people being selfish, but really she ended up showing herself up rather a lot. She should have accepted what your wife said and asked someone else.

What's depressing is that no-one else helped out, apart from the elderly lady

ikea he did - well, was asking for a seat for pregnant woman at this point - and was ignored.

I suspect that the reason other people didn't get up was because they had also seen DW run for the seat and agreed she should get up...

yes because of course there was room for her to physically RUN for the seat

Both needed a seat as far as I can see. OP's DW was there first and said she needed it when asked. That should have been the end of it. Pregnant woman was BU.

Rooty, she didn't run for the seat - she was on the tube already when it became free, PG lady got on at that stop.

Actually, of the three of them, it's quite possible the elderly lady was the "least risky" to stand, but am appalled no-one else did. I was offered seats pretty often on the tube when PG.

We had to get back because we have a 10 year old. Staying overnight wasn't an option. DW did not race to get to the seat, she just happened to be stood right next to it, therefore got to it faster than the pregnant woman who was only just getting onto the train.

But I think, since he's here asking about it, as someone who is learning to manage a disability all the time myself, that the deeper issue here is the way DW's ED is intersecting with their view of what she can and should be doing- Rootypig, I'm not quite sure what you mean?

aermingers it is painful for DW to stand for long periods, she had abdominal surgery two weeks ago and her stomach muscles are buggered. She is also very underweight. Perhaps she should have asked for a seat as soon as she got on but the priority seats were occupied with elderly women, and two stops after we got on a seat became available. Had it been too much longer before there was a free seat DW almost certainly would have had to ask someone if they would mind giving up their seat, yes.

"DW was closest to the seat when it became free and as she went to sit down the other woman who had just got onto the tube attempted to knock her out of the way to claim the seat for herself."

There you go, from OP's post on the previous page.

X-post, sorry OP.

she sounds vile. Something similar happened to me when a pregnant woman screamed at me for standing in her way when she was "clearly pregnant". She thought I was blocking her way to a seat but hadn't seen my small daughter standing in front if me. She didn't apologise but tbf the fact she'd made herself look a twat made up for it.
When I was pregnant virtually noone gave me their seat for my entire pregnancy and you know what? It was fine by me. Sorry but those "baby on board" badges just scream attention seeker to me. I would always get up for anyone who needs a seat more than me and I've taught my daughter to do the same. It's really a shame for people like your wife who have invisible disabilities. Sending her a big hug and tell her to forget about the mardy cow and pity the child who has to have her as a mum :)

I'd hardly say she sounds vile, just a bit rude. And probably knackered and uncomfortable.