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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that pregnant women don't trump everybody else for a seat on the tube?

992 replies

dancersdad · 09/05/2014 19:34

I possibly need some perspective. DW and I were in London today, and unavoidably had to travel on the tube this evening in commuter rush hour. DW has a number of health issues that aren't physically visible, but definitely do impact upon her ability to stand on a crowded tube. When we got on at the start of our journey back the tube was packed with no free seats, so we both stood and I held onto DW as I was worried she was going to fall. The carriage was made up almost entirely of commuters. Two stops into our journey an elderly man got off leaving one of the priority seats free- the only free seat in the carriage. DW went to take the seat and was almost knocked onto the floor by a heavily pregnant woman who tried to slide into the seat alongside DW and beat her to it, as it was DW was already in the seat and the other woman stood up. She then told DW she was so sorry to ask her to move, but she was in a priority seat and as she was sure she knew, priority seats are reserved for those who really need them. DW told her that she had a reason for needing the priority seat too and refused to move when asked again. Cue a whole string of abuse about how no one has any manners nowadays, that she had asked DW to give up her seat for her because as a woman she would expect DW to understand that pregnancy can be hell, the least she could do would be to let her have the seat etc. I stepped in at this point and explained that DW really did need the seat, and loudly suggested to the rest of the carriage that I was sure someone else would be willing to give up a seat for her. Suddenly everyone else was deeply engrossed in their ipads, kindles etc, except for an elderly lady in the other priority seat who clearly needed it too, and offered her seat. The pregnant woman announced loudly that she couldn't possibly ask someone else who needed the seat to give it up, and it was a shame that some people (glaring at DW) had no respect for the priority system, which is in place to ensure those who really need a seat can get one. I pointed out again that DW had a genuine need for the seat too. Cue huffing, eye rolling, and lurching over DW whenever the train changed speed for the rest of her journey.

AIBU to think that although some pregnant women do need a seat on a tube, they shouldn't assume automatic priority over others also in need? There's no priority seat ranking system I don't know about? Confused

OP posts:
squoosh · 09/05/2014 20:59

No one should have to wear the badge but I can see that some might want to wear it for reasons mentioned by kali.

Cheekybleeder · 09/05/2014 20:59

This old chestnut ?

rootypig · 09/05/2014 21:01

Instead of a baby on board badge, there could just be a priority seat badge. Then all the other commuters could have fun guessing what was wrong with who Grin

Though as someone with agonising hip problems who has been deemed too well for LA help with travel (fuckers) I have no confidence in anyone to administrate the system or in the general public not to shamelessly game it.

Manners, are what is required.

Pumpkinpositive · 09/05/2014 21:02

This old chestnut?

It's got disability, pregnancy, old age, public transport and iPads!

smoking and fruit shoots yet to put in an appearance

What more could a body want??

Nunyabiz · 09/05/2014 21:04

Rootypig- great idea Grin
I don't see it as very different to a disability badge when driving.

squoosh · 09/05/2014 21:05

And parking! In a 'park your bum' kind of way.

Original poster
dancersdad · 09/05/2014 21:06

Among other health problems, which we were in London for a specialist appointment concerning, DW is in the middle of her second ED relapse in three years. She had abdominal surgery recently she's still recovering from and combined with low blood pressure fainting on a crowded tube is a real possibility. Because she's so underweight it's very likely that if she had fallen she would have broken something because her bones are more vulnerable- this has happened before. I absolutely don't think it's a case of survival of the fittest for seats. DW was closest to the seat when it became free and as she went to sit down the other woman who had just got onto the tube attempted to knock her out of the way to claim the seat for herself. Trust me, if there's anything that's going to add to DW's problems, it's being labelled with a badge.

OP posts:
KatieKaye · 09/05/2014 21:07

I'm disabled, using an IPad, got a bus to work this morning, am over 50 and am about to have a fag. Does that help?
Sorry I'm not pregnant, but after the hysterectomy the docs assured me it wouldn't grow back...

rootypig · 09/05/2014 21:08

dancersdad tbh, you should have been in a cab.

Nunyabiz · 09/05/2014 21:08

Katie- sorry... You have neglected to include fruit shoots.... Fail.

Changebagsandgladrags · 09/05/2014 21:10

I've been having some awful period cramps lately. Anyway, I was so glad to get a seat on the tube the other morning.

Got a few stations down the line and a pregnant lady got on. I went to get up and an almighty cramp made me wince. She wouldn't take my seat even though I said it was OK. So some people are nice. Another person offered her a seat, but I felt very embarrassed.

I am always mortified if I look up from the paper and see someone standing who needs a seat. I'd be happy to wear a badge saying "please tap me on the shoulder if you need this seat"

Pilgit · 09/05/2014 21:10

YANBU. When heavily pregnant on the tube and obviously suffering the only person to offer me a seat was on crutches. Cue much polite 'no you ' etc. What pissed me off was the staring at their newspaper brigade who could just have said 'you know what you both need a seat'. That is what should have happened here!

KatieKaye · 09/05/2014 21:10

rootypig - how do you know they can afford a cab? You know, people with severe health problems often have financial issues.

maggiethemagpie · 09/05/2014 21:10

Did you wife explain she was disabled (without saying exact nature of illness)? if no, YABU. If yes, YANBU

SizzlesSit · 09/05/2014 21:12

Interesting point earlier about ranking priorities. They do this in the Paris metro. From memory its the war wounded, those injured at work and the disabled, pregnant women and people with children under 4, people over 75

CoffeeTea103 · 09/05/2014 21:12

Sorry but unless she was guaranteed to get a seat, why would she take the risk of fainting and being seriously injured.

scottishmummy · 09/05/2014 21:14

In an inclusive society those with health issues can travel by public transport,and dont need a Badge

squoosh · 09/05/2014 21:16

I don't know how people can ignore someone who is clearly in greater need of a seat. It's worth it even for the smug 'I'm a nice person' glow you get when someone gratefully accepts your offer.

ikeaismylocal · 09/05/2014 21:16

I would have thought that minimising stress and confrontation would be good for your wife. If a badge is going to upset her I'm sure a train carriage full of people looking at her and wondering why she wouldn't help a pregnant woman is not going to be great for her.

You were with her, you said you were holding onto her so you could have supported her if she fell, the pregnant woman was alone and strangers are less likely to catch her if she fell/fainted/was pushed.

I think a dead baby is a more serious consequence than a broken bone.

Pumpkinpositive · 09/05/2014 21:17

Interesting point earlier about ranking priorities. They do this in the Paris metro. From memory its the war wounded

In France?!

Must...resist...

KatieKaye · 09/05/2014 21:17

Epic fail on the frootshoot front.
Diluting juice any good? or how about a diet coke?

PinkLemons · 09/05/2014 21:18

I confess I haven't read the thread at all. I saw there were hundreds of responses so felt no need as all points probably covered by now. I had to say that I read the title as "AIBU to think that pregnant woman shouldn't trump on every seat on the tube" Grin

rootypig · 09/05/2014 21:20

Katie I did think about that before I posted. But as someone who has what can be fairly severe health issues myself, and am a LP scraping by, I stick by it. For disabled people, getting around and the cost of it ranks with having a roof over your head and food. It is an essential. OP's post says that: "because she's so underweight it's very likely that if she had fallen she would have broken something because her bones are more vulnerable- this has happened before. "
In this situation I would do anything to avoid being on a rush hour tube.

scottishmummy · 09/05/2014 21:20

A dead baby is not a consequence of an adult with health need being seated
Applying that logic the pg lady should have insisted someone else give her seat
A dead baby is not predictable result of a someone else in need being seated,so lets not use hyperbole

ElphabaTheGreen · 09/05/2014 21:21

YANBU, OP. DH and I went for a jolly to London when I was 8 months gone with DS (plus PGP, plus low BP) and I think I politely declined pretty much every seat offered to me on the tube - and, to my pleasant surprise, I was offered one on every train we got in where there wasn't a readily available seat - for fear of being labelled as an entitled pregnant woman. Perhaps I was being overly conscious about it, but rude entitled pregnant women give me the absolute shits. I see the point Gobbolino us trying to make about this particular entitled pregnant lady perhaps being at the end of her wick, but there were plenty of other people she could have harassed once you'd made it clear your wife was also in need of a seat.