To think that pregnant women don't trump everybody else for a seat on the tube?

[dancersdad]

I possibly need some perspective. DW and I were in London today, and unavoidably had to travel on the tube this evening in commuter rush hour. DW has a number of health issues that aren't physically visible, but definitely do impact upon her ability to stand on a crowded tube. When we got on at the start of our journey back the tube was packed with no free seats, so we both stood and I held onto DW as I was worried she was going to fall. The carriage was made up almost entirely of commuters. Two stops into our journey an elderly man got off leaving one of the priority seats free- the only free seat in the carriage. DW went to take the seat and was almost knocked onto the floor by a heavily pregnant woman who tried to slide into the seat alongside DW and beat her to it, as it was DW was already in the seat and the other woman stood up. She then told DW she was so sorry to ask her to move, but she was in a priority seat and as she was sure she knew, priority seats are reserved for those who really need them. DW told her that she had a reason for needing the priority seat too and refused to move when asked again. Cue a whole string of abuse about how no one has any manners nowadays, that she had asked DW to give up her seat for her because as a woman she would expect DW to understand that pregnancy can be hell, the least she could do would be to let her have the seat etc. I stepped in at this point and explained that DW really did need the seat, and loudly suggested to the rest of the carriage that I was sure someone else would be willing to give up a seat for her. Suddenly everyone else was deeply engrossed in their ipads, kindles etc, except for an elderly lady in the other priority seat who clearly needed it too, and offered her seat. The pregnant woman announced loudly that she couldn't possibly ask someone else who needed the seat to give it up, and it was a shame that some people (glaring at DW) had no respect for the priority system, which is in place to ensure those who really need a seat can get one. I pointed out again that DW had a genuine need for the seat too. Cue huffing, eye rolling, and lurching over DW whenever the train changed speed for the rest of her journey.

AIBU to think that although some pregnant women do need a seat on a tube, they shouldn't assume automatic priority over others also in need? There's no priority seat ranking system I don't know about?

Lydia my grandmother died due to complications from a broken bone. Broken bones are serious.

"Lydia, they had an equal right to the seat but OP's DW was there first, so it was hers."

Exactly. Just as when DW got on, an elderly man was in the seat so as both were less able to stand and he was there first, DW stood.

I like the poster who suggests that the pregnant woman knew when she got pregnant she would have to take the tube. so, no woman in London should get pregnant then?

Yet Tequila, it is not HER posting. Do you see the irony?

Quint, plenty of people post "this happened to DH/DS/friend today" about situations when they weren't even there.

At the time of the OP, DW may well have been resting and recovering from her day.

A pregnant woman is two lives and should have priority IMO. Maybe she was rude but she was probably fed up with no one having any manners on London transport these days and offering her a seat. I would much rather stand underweight than heavily pregnant. Op did your dw use public transport while pregnant?

It sounds like the op is particularly precious about his dw and failed to consider anyone else's needs, including those of a vulnerable baby. You sound lovely op.

My goodness Lydia, your posts are astounding. The op's wife isn't just a bit underweight, she has a chronic health condition, and had just had surgery.

The fact is the op's wife was sat in priority seating and was entitled to sit there, and didn't have to move because someone else entitled to sit there asked her to. And certainly didn't deserve to be asked repeatedly to move.

Vulnerable? No, just mouthy and pregnant.

I would hope my DH would prioritise me over a random rude stranger, pregnant or not.

In your opinion, but not in that of TFL.

The pg woman herself didn't consider that she had priority over an elderly lady who offered her priority seat, despite the fact that elderly lady only had one life to consider. What's your view on that?

I cannot believe how ridiculous this thread has got?!

lydia Just out of interest, being a 35 week pregnant woman myself.... do you consider me a reckless woman because I chose NOT to ask for a seat if I don't feel like I need it? If I accidentally fell over at all during my pregnancy and something happened do you consider that my actions were selfish and that I should be prosecuted on some way? After all I may feel fine and consider that I don't need to stand, but accidents do happen....

It seems a lot on this thread are laying into OP and doing a forensic analysis of the circs. Fine, even if OP is lying for the sake of it, I still can't understand why anyone who also felt that they needed the priority seat didn't just ask someone else to give up theirs? Yes, it's a pain but I'd you are in that much need and indeed are on the verge of maybe killing your baby surely pride / embarrassment / whatever goes out the window and you just bloody do it?!

YABVU. You were there to support your DW. It becomes very crowded in the tube, if someone shoves your DW she's got you to fall back on. If someone shoves the PG woman it cannot only be dangerous for her but it could be life threatening for the baby.

Thanks Tequila, now I know!

Lydia... your posts are some of the worst and most idiotic that I've seen here. Quite pathetic in fact. You've done pregnant women, strike that - ALL women - a huge disservice. Lets hope your stupid opinions don't get you walloped in RL one day.

His priority is his DW, and rightly so. That's as it should be and as it is in the world away from mumsnet.

Oh my... another one...

When did MNHQ become Misandrists-and-Zealots-R-Us?

If OP wasn't a man he would NOT be getting the slating that he is here. Disgusting.

It sounds like the op is particularly precious about his dw and failed to consider anyone else's needs, including those of a vulnerable baby. You sound lovely op.

And you sound utterly appalling Lydia.

I have been googling to try and find comparative stats for broken bones etc caused by falls on the underground, but no luck so far. Anyone know where to look?

Don't bother, Doctrine, because it wouldn't mean anything without stats on the number of pregnant / unwell / elderly / disabled people travelling and whether they sit or stand.

Was PG lady being unreasonable not to take the offered seat?

Was pg lady being unreasonable not to directly ask anyone else in the carriage for a seat?

If DW had fully explained her condition, with a flip chart, was she still being unreasonable to keep the seat?

Aargh!

No Quint I fail to see any irony. This forum would be quiet if we didn't have people posting regarding their partners, children, in laws etc. I fail to see the point you're making.

Op you say you had forgotten about the survival of the fittest on the tube.

People turn into selfish animals.

But your still really going at the pregnant lady for trying to win her seat?

Your not giving her an inch...

I have many times been getting on tube and bumped hips with people over seats, and I have won it or they have. There has been no animosity and I have been lucky in all the times I have needed a seat, I have got one or been offered one.

Both ladies going for this seat had high stakes.

This is why it was turned into an issue.

Your blaming all the tubes problems on this pregnant lady.

You should have sympathy for both of them, your wife and her, and you should make allowances for the pregnant lady.

Your wife does not have to give a run down of her medical conditions, but showing a little humanity and kindness to a heavily pregnant lady on the tube, who has just lost a seat.... by merely affording her a little tiny explanation ......

I have just had an operation, or I feel really really unwell...would I am sure, have dispelled her anger and calmed her down.

In fact had you both been aware of the horrors of the tube....and been more used to people winning seats, you may have felt more compassion for her.

I am amazed that you have taken this to heart so much, instead of thinking, poor pregnant lady, she must have a tough time on this nasty tube,,,she didn't mean to let off ...it must be really hard having to go through this every day...

But your still attacking her.

You have started a whole thread about her.

When I was a commuter during pregnancy, I used to dread anyone offering me a seat because as soon as I sat down I need a wee and my piles started aching

No, BeyondRepair, OP isn't attacking the pregnant woman, he was standing up for his wife. You've been criticising the OP further up the thread and others have also done it. It's not ok.

You're second-guessing the events that happened and assuming that OP had no compassion; he did. He just had more for his wife who IS his responsibility.

You're saying the he didn't give an inch. What about the pregnant woman - any consideration from her? No, but that doesn't matter, only the ongoing mantra that OP is in the wrong whatever he posts. This needs to stop. The OP has been doubted, called a 'liar', had his posts analysed by people with no talent for it and basically dismissed. By you and others.

I wasn't going to post anymore on this thread but I couldn't help myself.

Some of the posts on here are disgusting. I would never wish a disability (either visible/invisible) on anyone but, to be honest, I think some of you need to walk a mile in the shoes of someone who has to put up with doubt and disbelief every day of their lives. Not just for 9 months for something that is a choice and with that choice you take on an element of risk.

Ill/disabled people do not have a choice. They do not have to justify their need for a priority seat.

OPs wife had every right to be in that seat and did not warrant anyones abuse for that.

Caveat - neither OP nor DW were in the wrong.

But that doesn't mean that pregnant women aren't: suffering, vulnerable (by the very nature of being pregnant, they are vulnerable), in need of a seat, etc etc. Regardless of how much if a choice it was, or how it only lasts 9 months (untrue) etc.

It's important not to get bogged down in the rudeness of the woman in this case, or the shocking responses from some on the thread to remember that pregnancy shouldn't be made light of either.