To think that pregnant women don't trump everybody else for a seat on the tube?

[dancersdad]

I possibly need some perspective. DW and I were in London today, and unavoidably had to travel on the tube this evening in commuter rush hour. DW has a number of health issues that aren't physically visible, but definitely do impact upon her ability to stand on a crowded tube. When we got on at the start of our journey back the tube was packed with no free seats, so we both stood and I held onto DW as I was worried she was going to fall. The carriage was made up almost entirely of commuters. Two stops into our journey an elderly man got off leaving one of the priority seats free- the only free seat in the carriage. DW went to take the seat and was almost knocked onto the floor by a heavily pregnant woman who tried to slide into the seat alongside DW and beat her to it, as it was DW was already in the seat and the other woman stood up. She then told DW she was so sorry to ask her to move, but she was in a priority seat and as she was sure she knew, priority seats are reserved for those who really need them. DW told her that she had a reason for needing the priority seat too and refused to move when asked again. Cue a whole string of abuse about how no one has any manners nowadays, that she had asked DW to give up her seat for her because as a woman she would expect DW to understand that pregnancy can be hell, the least she could do would be to let her have the seat etc. I stepped in at this point and explained that DW really did need the seat, and loudly suggested to the rest of the carriage that I was sure someone else would be willing to give up a seat for her. Suddenly everyone else was deeply engrossed in their ipads, kindles etc, except for an elderly lady in the other priority seat who clearly needed it too, and offered her seat. The pregnant woman announced loudly that she couldn't possibly ask someone else who needed the seat to give it up, and it was a shame that some people (glaring at DW) had no respect for the priority system, which is in place to ensure those who really need a seat can get one. I pointed out again that DW had a genuine need for the seat too. Cue huffing, eye rolling, and lurching over DW whenever the train changed speed for the rest of her journey.

AIBU to think that although some pregnant women do need a seat on a tube, they shouldn't assume automatic priority over others also in need? There's no priority seat ranking system I don't know about?

He didn't need to do that, broken. His wife got a seat after 2 stops. All would have been OK if the pregnant woman hadn't been such a cow.

They did not know they would get seats though. And he said she could break bones if she fell over.

I could as well, Quint, but sometimes I like to pretend I'm a normal person and just get on transport when I want to. Sometimes you take risks or stay in bed all day.

But dont you carry out your own risk assessment in your mind and stay way from the London underground in the rush hour?

I stay away from the park when my hayfever is bad. I would love to go, I just dont want streaming red eyes. Sorry, I know it is a bad comparison. My dad does not go in his motorized wheelchair to visit my mum at the nursing home when the roads are icy, as the risk of him toppling over getting the wheelchair over himself is too great.

they did not know they would get seats though

That's a good point. OP out of curiosity what would you have done if there was no seats? Would you have asked somebody else in the priority seating area if your wife could take theirs?

No, I don't always, Quint. Life is full of risks and if I had a hospital appointment I would use the tube, even at rush hour, if I had to in order to be home for my child.

The poor OP is getting such a hard time for looking out for his wife. I can't understand why. You can't begin every day of your life with a risk assessment, that's not how life is.

I have to go to a clinic every few months. Its only run on one day in the afternoon.
By the time im finished the buses are always busy. I have no choice in waiting around as i could be waiting till late night as there is only one bus!
I also have no option of getting a taxi as iv been signed off for a year and cant cope on £72 a week as it is.

But dont you carry out your own risk assessment in your mind and stay way from the London underground in the rush hour?

No. We don't have a choice personally.

OP said upthread if a seat hadn't come free quite quickly he would have asked for one. I've thought similar when pregnant and travelling...

"I don't understand why some people think it was the OP's job to find a seat for a mouthy woman capable of asking for herself, as she had already made obvious."

Yep. And other posters are berating him for "speaking for his wife"

I think this one needs filing under "can't win"

Haven't read the whole thread but regardless of how the pregnant woman behaved, she should have been seated first IMO. She was carrying a delicate baby inside her and if she fell could have miscarried. The worst the ops wife would have had would have been broken bones/bruises. Op, would you and your wife have been able to live with yourself if the woman had fallen and lost her baby?

UABVU

lydiawickam... What about the other seated carriage-dwellers, any responsibility there then? The pregnant woman is NOT more important. It's up to each person needing special care to take that for themselves, not make everybody else responsible. YABU actually, not the OP, for your precious post.

The worst the ops wife would have had would have been broken bones/bruises.

ODFOD

Bloody hell, really! So does that mean that healthy, able bodied pregnant women and those carrying babies in slings have priority over disabled people, elderly people and people with chronic health conditions on all transport? Well who knew.

What's the female equivalent of 'misogynist'? There are plenty of them on this thread. They're a horrible advertisement for entitled behaviour and disabolism too.

Thats right Lying. There are some truly revolting attitudes on here. Bloody sad.

Ah Quint he took her now did he? She is perfectly capable of making decisions for herself. It might come as a shock to some people but weak, ill, disabled people have to travel just like any other person. So what you're suggesting is that they shouldn't travel during rush hour. My stance is they should be able to travel when they bloody well want and all people who think they're doing well on this thread by suggesting alternative options are doing the opposite - they're just perpetuating the thought that disabled, vulnerable and sick people shouldn't have equal opportunities.

OP already said they needed to get home quickly so having a sit down wasn't an option.

Lying I believe it's misandrist.

YABU to suggest pregnant women aren't entitled to a seat on the tube, however the pregnant lady was very rude. I do think, however, that if your wife needed a seat, she should have asked for one when she got on the train. I am now heavily pregnant and have needed a seat on the tube throughout my pregnancy, because if i don't sit, I faint. I collapsed twice in early pregnancy on the train and now I don't take the risk. However, I almost always have to politely ask the person in the priority seat if I may sit down. The pregnant woman was entitled to sit in the priority seat, so it was NU of her to ask your wife to vacate it. BUT, if someone I asked for a seat refused to give it up (or said that they need it), I would say no problem and simply ask the next person (and the next) until I got a seat. I have not yet been refused a seat (probably because I ask very nicely and thank people profusely) but had plenty of people stropping about it - i'd rather someone just said no than got up under sufferance and made me feel bad for asking.

OP thanks for your reply. It sounds like you understand what I'm trying to say to you. DW is notoriously bad at knowing when something isn't a good idea, I've learnt from experience to let her try before I step in
Disability comes with its own dynamic and relationship to risk. I think learning to manage it (which requires that you accept it, and accept that you are limited) is part of the disability. You imply, and I speculated, that this can be particularly complicated with an ED, where identity and self worth are so central to the condition.

I said what I said (to get a cab, or find another alternative) irrespective of the seat argument and only once you had more fully described your wife's health. The London Underground is not particularly accessible (with the honourable exception of the Jubilee line), and parts of it just never will be, due to the age of the system. The tube is not just being on the train; it's navigating the whole system - long tunnels, heat, people rushing in a crowd, packed platforms. There was nothing anyone could do to ease that. It's shit, but it's a fact. For lots of people. That, really, is why I said she just shouldn't have been there.

Anyway I just came back to respond to you and I wish you luck.

lying the pregnant woman asked the ops wife for her seat. Pregnant women have priority as part of the baby on board scheme. The ops wife should have vacated the seat and found someone else willing to give up their seat, the pregnant woman should never have had to deal with the commuters. When I was heavily pregnant I was carrying an extra 4 1/2 stone- who's more likely to fall, a heavily pregnant woman or someone underweight. A dead baby trumps broken bones IMO.

Lydia, the seat is for those who are disabled, pregnant or less able to stand. The picture shows a pregnant woman, a woman carrying a child and an elderly man with a stick. The DW qualified under "less able to stand"

See fourth page of this:
www.tfl.gov.uk/cdn/static/cms/documents/tfl-supplementary-signs-standard.pdf

Lydia, they had an equal right to the seat but OP's DW was there first, so it was hers.

It's ridiculous to chunter on about dead babies. Pregnant women fall over, faint every day and they don't all lose their babies. I fainted several times during both pregnancies and both my babies survived.