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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that pregnant women don't trump everybody else for a seat on the tube?

992 replies

dancersdad · 09/05/2014 19:34

I possibly need some perspective. DW and I were in London today, and unavoidably had to travel on the tube this evening in commuter rush hour. DW has a number of health issues that aren't physically visible, but definitely do impact upon her ability to stand on a crowded tube. When we got on at the start of our journey back the tube was packed with no free seats, so we both stood and I held onto DW as I was worried she was going to fall. The carriage was made up almost entirely of commuters. Two stops into our journey an elderly man got off leaving one of the priority seats free- the only free seat in the carriage. DW went to take the seat and was almost knocked onto the floor by a heavily pregnant woman who tried to slide into the seat alongside DW and beat her to it, as it was DW was already in the seat and the other woman stood up. She then told DW she was so sorry to ask her to move, but she was in a priority seat and as she was sure she knew, priority seats are reserved for those who really need them. DW told her that she had a reason for needing the priority seat too and refused to move when asked again. Cue a whole string of abuse about how no one has any manners nowadays, that she had asked DW to give up her seat for her because as a woman she would expect DW to understand that pregnancy can be hell, the least she could do would be to let her have the seat etc. I stepped in at this point and explained that DW really did need the seat, and loudly suggested to the rest of the carriage that I was sure someone else would be willing to give up a seat for her. Suddenly everyone else was deeply engrossed in their ipads, kindles etc, except for an elderly lady in the other priority seat who clearly needed it too, and offered her seat. The pregnant woman announced loudly that she couldn't possibly ask someone else who needed the seat to give it up, and it was a shame that some people (glaring at DW) had no respect for the priority system, which is in place to ensure those who really need a seat can get one. I pointed out again that DW had a genuine need for the seat too. Cue huffing, eye rolling, and lurching over DW whenever the train changed speed for the rest of her journey.

AIBU to think that although some pregnant women do need a seat on a tube, they shouldn't assume automatic priority over others also in need? There's no priority seat ranking system I don't know about? Confused

OP posts:
JadedAngel · 11/05/2014 12:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TequilaMockingbirdy · 11/05/2014 12:31

Because of course your DW can't make her own decisions, you have to tell her what she should do...

Hold on a minute people can't have it both ways. People have been banging on about what he should have done for his wife and the pregnant woman, acting like they can't do anything for themselves. And now you come out with this. It's laughable.

BrianTheMole · 11/05/2014 12:31

Does it really boil down to this as a grand finale? An accusation of the op treating his wife as a child? The final insult. On top of all the other accusations where he didn't get the situation right. Really? This is truly mn at its worst.

BumpNGrind · 11/05/2014 12:32

OP can you just clarify a couple of points please?

Had the pregnant woman just got on or had she been standing on the tube herself?

I find it a little difficult to imagine that a pregnant woman, highly likely to be heavier and bulkier than your OP-who sounds frail and fragile, managed to shove your dw out of the way, but your dw still managed to 'win' the seat.

TequilaMockingbirdy · 11/05/2014 12:33

Oh here we go he's a liar now as well isn't he?

You lot are absolutely disgraceful and yes this truly is mn at it's worst.

BumpNGrind · 11/05/2014 12:34

Gosh tequila, I am allowed to question something, or do I just willingly accept every scrap of information that's written here?

BrianTheMole · 11/05/2014 12:36

I reckon this is a possibility bump. Ops wife was slightly closer to the seat, and because of that, was able to sit first. Do you think thats a likely possibility?

FaFoutis · 11/05/2014 12:38

We only got one side, things might look very different from the other.

Is the DW allowed on mumsnet?

It does't matter anyway, OP is sure he was right.

TequilaMockingbirdy · 11/05/2014 12:39

There's asking for clarity, then there's blatantly insinuating the OP is a liar.

There's absolutely no point in having a public forum where people share if people can't take at face value. Obviously if it's somethin ridiculous like 'IVE JUST TURNED GREEN AND ALIENS CAME' then yeah... But we have no reason to doubt such a small thing. You're looking for reasons to have a go

BrianTheMole · 11/05/2014 12:41

Is the DW allowed on mumsnet?

Grin Is the dw being called up to testify now? Fucking hilarious. Just when you think it can't get any worse. Where will this thread end I wonder!
ithaka · 11/05/2014 12:42

The OP does not need castigating for the way he talks about caring for his wife

I am judging him for putting up a thread having a go at a pregnant woman, rather than directing his anger at those who do not need seats. I found the fact he chose to direct his sanctimonious outrage at a vulnerable women telling and I find the way he speaks about his DW equally telling. I do believe there may be a connection.

BumpNGrind · 11/05/2014 12:42

I just find it unusual that the subject of the OP's condemnation seems to be the pregnant woman's rudeness, when he describes the scenario as the pregnant woman nearly knocking his wife to the floor. Sorry but I just don't see the subsequent conversation sounding that realistic in that context so I asked the OP for clarification.

TequilaMockingbirdy · 11/05/2014 12:43

Oh boo bloody hoo poor pregnant woman. The same woman who decided to have a to at a weak and vulnerable woman? The same pregnant woman who tried to bully someone out of their seat?

FaFoutis · 11/05/2014 12:43

I am supposed to be working so I hope it ends soon.

Agreed ithaka.

JadedAngel · 11/05/2014 12:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BumpNGrind · 11/05/2014 12:46

Tequila, I'm not insinuating the OP is a liar. I'm quite capable of calling him a liar if that's what I thought he was. I asked for clarification because my past experiences and thought processes don't exactly match what the OP described, so I was looking for further explanation from the OP to gain a better understanding.

FaFoutis · 11/05/2014 12:46

But how do you know that Tequila? You were not there.

In the original post the OP describes the torrent of abuse but it sounds quite civilized to me.

gotnotimeforthat · 11/05/2014 12:46

If i was heavily pregnant and standing on a train, tube or bus and I asked for a seat and got ' I need this seat' as an answer I would be pretty pissed off too.

I don't think OPs wife should have gone into detail as to why she needed the seat but a simple ' I've had an op and struggle to stand' would suffice.

The pregnant woman had no right to be so rude but without any explanation as to why the wife needed the seat I'm not surprised that she was so adamant to 'claim' it. After all you can clearly see why the pregnant woman needed the seat. The wife not so much. For all she knew ' I need this seat' could mean I need this seat because I'm tired or I've been on my feet all day.

TequilaMockingbirdy · 11/05/2014 12:50

faf none of us were bloody there we read the op.

Again, doubting the OP and insinuating he's lying. You're all so intent on trying to defend this rude pregnant woman that you're scraping the barrel now. There's nothing left to question so you just decide you don't believe the post. Wow.

dancersdad · 11/05/2014 12:50

FaFoutis and ithaka I don't know if you've ever cared for someone with an eating disorder, typically they spend a lot of time in self destruct mode and struggle to know when something is too much for them, eg. standing on a tube. Would it have been better for me to have taken DW's word for it that she was fine to stand and allowed her to fall and potentially broken something? A few pages back I was being made out to be the villain because I didn't ask for a seat for her immediately.

Jadedangel thank you, you've said that much better than I could have.

BumpNGrind I assumed the pregnant woman had only just gotten on but I can't be absolutely certain, I was concentrating on my wife rather than the other passengers. There are armrests on either side of the seats, so shoving someone off the side as the pregnant woman attempted is virtually impossible. I can assure you it happened, DW has bruises- just to get in first before I'm accused of exaggurating, anorexics bruise far more easily than people of a healthy weight.

FaFoutis of course DW is allowed on mumsnet, I'm not quite sure what you're accusing me of...

OP posts:
KatieKaye · 11/05/2014 12:51

why shouldn't OP put up a thread about a rude pregnant woman? Pregnancy does not absolve you from being rude or from others finding it offensive.

The pregnant woman did not sound in the slightest bit vulnerable - she did sound loud and aggressive and demanding.

If DW had posted and said "I was able to get to a priority seat just ahead of a pregnant woman..." would she have been castigated in the same way as OP? Would she have been told that she shouldn't have been on a tube in th first place and that her medical needs were nothing as compared to those of a pregnant woman who did not cite any other additional needs that meant she needed the seat more?

Would she have been told that her DH should have been taking charge of the situation and personally organising seating for the pregnant woman?

I doubt it.

BumpNGrind · 11/05/2014 12:52

Tequila, read the thread, I've questioned the original post all along. You sound awfully het up about this, I think you probably need to sit down. I'm pregnant with a hidden disability, do you want my seat?

BrianTheMole · 11/05/2014 12:52

If i was heavily pregnant and standing on a train, tube or bus and I asked for a seat and got ' I need this seat' as an answer I would be pretty pissed off too.

You might well be. Maybe it would help you in the future to understand that people don't have to justify why they need the seat. If it was my dh I would not be giving any other explanation either.

FaFoutis · 11/05/2014 12:55

I think Katie needs the seat more than Tequila does.

LittleBearPad · 11/05/2014 12:55

LyingWitch what did the OP do for his wife that really helped her? He should have asked for a seat as soon as they got on, if his wife wasn't going to.