To think that pregnant women don't trump everybody else for a seat on the tube?

[dancersdad]

I possibly need some perspective. DW and I were in London today, and unavoidably had to travel on the tube this evening in commuter rush hour. DW has a number of health issues that aren't physically visible, but definitely do impact upon her ability to stand on a crowded tube. When we got on at the start of our journey back the tube was packed with no free seats, so we both stood and I held onto DW as I was worried she was going to fall. The carriage was made up almost entirely of commuters. Two stops into our journey an elderly man got off leaving one of the priority seats free- the only free seat in the carriage. DW went to take the seat and was almost knocked onto the floor by a heavily pregnant woman who tried to slide into the seat alongside DW and beat her to it, as it was DW was already in the seat and the other woman stood up. She then told DW she was so sorry to ask her to move, but she was in a priority seat and as she was sure she knew, priority seats are reserved for those who really need them. DW told her that she had a reason for needing the priority seat too and refused to move when asked again. Cue a whole string of abuse about how no one has any manners nowadays, that she had asked DW to give up her seat for her because as a woman she would expect DW to understand that pregnancy can be hell, the least she could do would be to let her have the seat etc. I stepped in at this point and explained that DW really did need the seat, and loudly suggested to the rest of the carriage that I was sure someone else would be willing to give up a seat for her. Suddenly everyone else was deeply engrossed in their ipads, kindles etc, except for an elderly lady in the other priority seat who clearly needed it too, and offered her seat. The pregnant woman announced loudly that she couldn't possibly ask someone else who needed the seat to give it up, and it was a shame that some people (glaring at DW) had no respect for the priority system, which is in place to ensure those who really need a seat can get one. I pointed out again that DW had a genuine need for the seat too. Cue huffing, eye rolling, and lurching over DW whenever the train changed speed for the rest of her journey.

AIBU to think that although some pregnant women do need a seat on a tube, they shouldn't assume automatic priority over others also in need? There's no priority seat ranking system I don't know about?

TheRealAmandaClarke Sun 11-May-14 06:28:02

Totally agree but op isn't in the wrong here. He still maintains the heavily pregnant woman was.

There is nothing he could have done or his wife to calm the situation...there is no need for the OTT - she shouldn't have to go into her medical history, of course not, same with pregnant lady....HOWEVER she could have said - I have just had an op, I really don't feel well...They should be able to understand that the pregnant lady thought there was a well person in a seat clearly marked, for her...and there probably has been many a time.

Saying " I need this seat" doesn't sound very friendly or diplomatic to me...and If I was with my disabled and frail mother on the tube and tried to win that Priority seat for her...and was met with " I need this seat" I may have got angry too.

"Totally agree but op isn't in the wrong here. He still maintains the heavily pregnant woman was. "

OP has posted six times on a thread with more than 650 posts.

And he's not wrong. Pregnant woman was. I'm not surprised no one else offered her a seat after her tirade, tbh.

Probably afraid she'd ask why they didn't offer before.

Why the bloody hell should they have asked for a sodding seat?!!! They got one! One became available shortly into their journey! Job done.

I'm glad this thread has happened because it's shown who the idiots are.

Why did you venture on the tube if your wife is post op? Good grief man, why did you not take a taxi to the train station? What point are you trying to make?

I can never get my sister to take the tube, or on the bus unless she can see there are seats available. Any jolt or sideways turn will hurt her spine, and she will end up weeks in agony, and paying for chiropractor treatments for prolapses. She knows this, so the tube is out of the question for her.

Quint, in rush hour, they were far more likely to catch their train by taking the tube than a cab, given traffic.

Oh I dunno quint money maybe?

If you are sitting in a priority seat you need, then you don't have to be friendly or diplomatic when saying you have a reason for being their. Just polite. Nor do you have to state your actual reason, be it disability, recent operation or whatever
The pregnant woman was nither friendly nor diplomatic and there's been quite a bit of speculation that her attitude may have contributed to the fact that nobody (bad the elderly lady) offered her a seat even when directly appealed to by OP. Nor did she make any effort to ask anybody other than DW, which sounds like she'd identified a soft target (given DW's frailty)
And for the avoidance of doubt - obviously it is not ideal to have to use public transport after an abdominal operation. But lots of people have to. Like me, when I went to GPs to get the staples removed and had to go immediately to hospital as I had a massive wound infection (had to be drained) and septicaemia. I had no option but to use the bus. Despite the severity of my situation, and the fact I was obviously pretty ill, no transport was offered by th surgery and all I could think about was getting to hospital as quickly as possible. Oh, and as I was on sick pay, I couldn't afford a taxi. Sometimes there isn't any other option and to keep maintaining you wouldn't have done X, Y or Z is all very well until you are actually faced with the reality of having very limited choices.

Their cab journey would be a one off.

Like the pregnant woman probably could not afford to take a cab to and from work every day through her pregnancy.

rootypig I do take your point. We made a judgement call that we thought was appropriate; it's been a while since we've lived in London and I had forgotten how survival of the fittest the tube can be in comparison to overground trains. DW is notoriously bad at knowing when something isn't a good idea, I've learnt from experience to let her try before I step in, hence not pushing for a seat straight away because she insisted she could stand. As I think I mentioned up thread, if a seat hadn't become available when it did, I would have tried to get her one. If needed I would have carried her down the train until I found someone prepared to give up their seat.

Gobbolino I can assure you it's not about my 'bruised ego.' I didn't want to upset the pregnant woman either, but given she tried to knock my wife out of the seat and then tried to intimidate her out of it, of course I wasn't going to tell DW to let the pregnant woman have the seat.

The pregnant woman headed to a priority seat because they are designated for pregnant women, the disabled and those less able to stand. She saw an apparently well woman sit in it and when asked to move that woman said 'I need it' with no explanation which did not need to be long or go into any medical history.

And the OP was apparently about as much use as a chocolate tea pot to his wife. He should have asked for a seat, priority or otherwise, for her as soon as they got on the train rather than attempt to prop her up.

Actually he should have got a cab. They may have to desk eith traffic but the walk at either end is less far than most traipses through the main london stations.

quint so? They still might not be able to afford it one off or not.

The difference between DW and the pregnant woman is DW didn't try to bully her way onto a seat and instead waited for a free one.

LittleBear why are you putting all the blame on OP? Couldn't the wife have done those things herself? Us wimmin have voices these days y'know

It doesn't matter really does it. Ops wife needed the seat just as much and she got it first. End of.
She doesn't have to

1. Explain her medical history
2. ask for a seat early on
3. Get up at stupid o clock to attend her appointments
4. get an ambulance
5. get a taxi
6. move closer to the hospital (ok I know that one was slightly tongue in cheek, I think)

She is allowed to

1. travel on a tube
2. gratefully take a priority seat when she sees one available

She shouldn't be treated as some sort of inconvenience for daring to do any of the above and have her medical history scrutinized.

Actually, there are a few real fuck wits on here. I should be grateful they post so that they reveal themselves early. Then if I see them on another thread I know what they are.

Agree Brian especially the fuckwits part.

Your post, LittleBearpad sums up for me why people DON'T give up their seats. They should but perhaps they're just fed up of entitled loud-mouths.

How rude you are to refer to OP's usefulness in that way. What on earth do you know differently?

Pregnant women can also hail cabs... did you know?

If the elderly woman who got off before DW sat down hadn't got off when she did, OP would have asked for a general seat for DW and pregnant woman would have had to do the same.

A taxi should not be necessary. "My wife really needs to sit down, would you mind?" Should be enough for anyone in a general seat.

TequilaMockingbirdy thanks. As it turned out the HT knew nothing about what was going on re the lunchbox police, we had a letter home explaining there had been some confusion and thankfully haven't had any problems since :)

To all those asking why we didn't get another appointment time, it was a specialist appointment made before the emergency surgery 2 weeks ago, and DW was on the waiting list for so long it would have been ludicrous to cancel. We had to get home asap afterwards because there is no way DW would have eaten anything in public and skipping meals is an absolute no at the moment, for obvious reasons.

I am NOT saying an eating disorder is a reason to need a seat on the tube. I am, however, saying that DW has various health issues at the moment resulting from anorexia, on top of other unrelated health problems, that mean she really did.

Yes the pregnant woman is 2 lives, but with all due respect my DW was my priority and she had a real need for the seat too. I did try to help the pregnant woman find a seat as I stated before, and probably would have tried harder had she not been verbally attacking DW. I can assure you she was perfectly capable of asking around for a seat herself given she was capable of trying to guilt trip DW.

Again, I am absolutely not saying the rest of the carriage was right not to give up their seat for the pregnant woman. However, it was the pregnant woman, not the other commuters, who were so rude to DW about it, hence the subject of this thread.

Totally, Brian.
because obviously everybody uses public transport when they are ill and could easily take a taxi. And ambulances cost nothing to run and the crews are just sitting around waiting for something to do. And hospitals arrange appointments for the convenience of patient.
Being disabled doesn't automatically mean you lose the power to think rationally. But it does often mean that your choices are limited and that you have to manage on not very much money.

OP, your wife is not a child.

dancersdad - of course DW is your priority and you did everything you could and should have done. Actually, I think you did more than many would have done, in asking for help for the pregnant woman, who sounds pretty aggressive and unpleasant. Pregnancy is not an excuse or a reason for being rude in the way she was and there's a fair chance she's like this when she isn't pregnant.
Anyway, I hope DW is KO after the long day and that she's feeling a lot better now.

there's a fair chance she's like this when she isn't pregnant.

Yes I would think this was a possibility.

FaFoutis I'm not sure where I implied I thought she was?

DW is notoriously bad at knowing when something isn't a good idea, I've learnt from experience to let her try before I step in

of course I wasn't going to tell DW to let the pregnant woman have the seat.

Because of course your DW can't make her own decisions, you have to tell her what she should do...