To think that pregnant women don't trump everybody else for a seat on the tube?

[dancersdad]

I possibly need some perspective. DW and I were in London today, and unavoidably had to travel on the tube this evening in commuter rush hour. DW has a number of health issues that aren't physically visible, but definitely do impact upon her ability to stand on a crowded tube. When we got on at the start of our journey back the tube was packed with no free seats, so we both stood and I held onto DW as I was worried she was going to fall. The carriage was made up almost entirely of commuters. Two stops into our journey an elderly man got off leaving one of the priority seats free- the only free seat in the carriage. DW went to take the seat and was almost knocked onto the floor by a heavily pregnant woman who tried to slide into the seat alongside DW and beat her to it, as it was DW was already in the seat and the other woman stood up. She then told DW she was so sorry to ask her to move, but she was in a priority seat and as she was sure she knew, priority seats are reserved for those who really need them. DW told her that she had a reason for needing the priority seat too and refused to move when asked again. Cue a whole string of abuse about how no one has any manners nowadays, that she had asked DW to give up her seat for her because as a woman she would expect DW to understand that pregnancy can be hell, the least she could do would be to let her have the seat etc. I stepped in at this point and explained that DW really did need the seat, and loudly suggested to the rest of the carriage that I was sure someone else would be willing to give up a seat for her. Suddenly everyone else was deeply engrossed in their ipads, kindles etc, except for an elderly lady in the other priority seat who clearly needed it too, and offered her seat. The pregnant woman announced loudly that she couldn't possibly ask someone else who needed the seat to give it up, and it was a shame that some people (glaring at DW) had no respect for the priority system, which is in place to ensure those who really need a seat can get one. I pointed out again that DW had a genuine need for the seat too. Cue huffing, eye rolling, and lurching over DW whenever the train changed speed for the rest of her journey.

AIBU to think that although some pregnant women do need a seat on a tube, they shouldn't assume automatic priority over others also in need? There's no priority seat ranking system I don't know about?

Hey Slag, I can't bring myself to use all caps, though I respect your choice to
I think people are very fixated on my idea of the cab. I have listed many other alternatives / combinations. I am simply saying OP's DW sounds far too unwell to be on the tube in rush hour. Most well people struggle on the tube in rush hour. There are always alternatives in life, people are just being obtuse about it at this point. SHE MUST BE ON THE TUBE AT THIS TIME THIS PRECISE TUBE THIS VERY SEAT
Actually you're right, caps does feel good!
And I have lots of experience of London in rush hour on bus, tube, bike, in taxi, you name it, I've sat in it.

She sounds really, really unwell! that is all I am saying!

And often if you can change your appointment time, then it means waitinga nother 4-8 weeks for an alternative. I remember having to travel during rush hour to a cardiac clinic. I knew it would be hell. But I needed to be seen and was not prepared to wait an extra month to travel at a better time.

rootypig - I hope you never find out that life isnt always that easy.

Rooty pig - I have plenty to do with the NHS, more than I would care to, and I have plenty of experience of London. I am giving the OP well meant advice, as someone with a disability, about navigating life in a gentler way*.

Brian @ Rooty - I gather you haven't had to go through this yourself. Otherwise you would know its not that simple. Lucky you.

Thats right turgiday. My dh has to be at his appointments. Missing them is not an option. Any delays would mean he would go unmonitored, even a week would make a difference between life and death.

I wish to god people would stop picking holes in alternatives, it's absurd. Brian I said "Cab, ambulance, travelling at a different time, asking the hospital for a different appointment time, yes yes yes, whatever was appropriate." Key part of the sentence, "whatever was appropriate".
And I've more than explained that I have been through every possible permutation of the top trumps on this thread

Don't just pick bits out beyond and change the context of my post.

Rooty As a poor person, with a disability, who has been pregnant with a disability in London on the tube (since you are questioning the experience from which I speak)

@ Rooty :"rootypig - I hope you never find out that life isnt always that easy*

So...Rooty is poor and with a disability but somehow this isn't enough to make her qualified to speak from personal experience..

Because she saying something you disagree with....

I beg to differ with people who think it's "not london". London is one of the rudest cities. Right up there with NY.

Sorry Brian you attacking a disabled poster for not having to go through this....other wise she would know?

I don't live in London or NY but have always found Londoners and New Yorkers to be really helpful and polite. Admittedly I've never travelled at rush hour in either city.

Why couldnt your DW quietly say she had a disability which meant she needs the seat? Not suggesting she should have explained what her disability actually is, but - how would the pregnant woman know? I think somehow both sides were being unreasonable here. Its unfortunate that what is visible takes priority over the 'unseen' but its easy to understand why. In the pregnant woman' place I wouldnt have gone on & on about it though

I am sick to death of the attitude of people, thinking disabled people should have to make alternate arrangements rather than use public transport. It's there for the public not just those who aren't disabled y'know.

Oh god turgi do you want my medical history? bank statements? yes my life is easy peasy lemon squeezy. I am fit as a fiddle and rolling in it. I take cabs everywhere. I take a cab to the loo!

I am trying to make a wider and more serious point to the OP about helping DW manage her disability. It is meant most genuinely and kindly, I promise.

BeyondRepair - The fact that rootypig thinks there must be an alternative to someone who is ill, travelling during rush hour on the tube to get to a hospital appointment, does frankly mean that she doesn't understand how it is for some people.

Being disabled does not mean that you need regular and vital hospital treatment. Being disabled does not mean that you have been in the situation of having to go to a hospital appointment, no matter how inconvenient it is.

And I explained about myself having to go regularly to see a specialist whose outpatients appointment clinic had to finish at 10am every day. Rootypig has offered no alternative to that, except to get a taxi.

Yes I am skipping off too now...

Now that the idea that unless you agree with us, it doesn't matter how disabled you are, how poor you are, how hard you have life - its still not as bad as for us - as you don't agree with us - therefore you cant have it that bad.

Rooty, if she had to use the nhs regularly and fit round their appointment system she would know that its not easy to always avoid rush hour. I don't know how she gets round London, but as a poor person, I doubt she has vast amounts of cash to pay £40 or £50 a time. If she does, then she has access to funds that many others do not have. If she has used the ambulance, then she fits that criteria in a way that many others do not.

Oh turgi of course there is an alternative, and one I myself use for all those hospital appointments you think I don't have, which is to set off early and avoid the rush. I thought about typing it but decided it was obnoxious to list every alternative. But since you ask!

Tequila - Yes disabled people are not supposed to be invisible to non disabled people. We should never use any services that means we cause any inconvenience for non disabled people.

rootypig - Do you really think the OP is so stupid they couldn't think about the possibility of a taxi or trying to change appointment times? The solutions you are offering are something that would occur to a 10 year old. So no I dont think you are helping. I think you are at best being extremely patronising.

Sorry, that was to beyond.

No but being disabled has been a pretty strong argument in this thread that the ops wife has a disability that was hidden and this was especially pertinent in the light of the recent hidden disabilities campaign...A certified disability. I thought this had been established but someone came on asking if being un well - is a disability which has thrown up a new aspect.

Rooty most people see you mean well....however - there are none so blind as those who refuse to see.

Ta Ta.

Well rooty, it depends how far you live as well. We set off early, but it still takes a while. It would be impossible to avoid rush hour here.

Set off early and sit around in the hospital for 2 or 3 hours until her appointment? Yes she could do that. Or people could just be decent and offer a seat to someone who needs it.

Running off now beyond? I'm not surprised

turgi it's bloody awful to read :(