To think that pregnant women don't trump everybody else for a seat on the tube?

[dancersdad]

I possibly need some perspective. DW and I were in London today, and unavoidably had to travel on the tube this evening in commuter rush hour. DW has a number of health issues that aren't physically visible, but definitely do impact upon her ability to stand on a crowded tube. When we got on at the start of our journey back the tube was packed with no free seats, so we both stood and I held onto DW as I was worried she was going to fall. The carriage was made up almost entirely of commuters. Two stops into our journey an elderly man got off leaving one of the priority seats free- the only free seat in the carriage. DW went to take the seat and was almost knocked onto the floor by a heavily pregnant woman who tried to slide into the seat alongside DW and beat her to it, as it was DW was already in the seat and the other woman stood up. She then told DW she was so sorry to ask her to move, but she was in a priority seat and as she was sure she knew, priority seats are reserved for those who really need them. DW told her that she had a reason for needing the priority seat too and refused to move when asked again. Cue a whole string of abuse about how no one has any manners nowadays, that she had asked DW to give up her seat for her because as a woman she would expect DW to understand that pregnancy can be hell, the least she could do would be to let her have the seat etc. I stepped in at this point and explained that DW really did need the seat, and loudly suggested to the rest of the carriage that I was sure someone else would be willing to give up a seat for her. Suddenly everyone else was deeply engrossed in their ipads, kindles etc, except for an elderly lady in the other priority seat who clearly needed it too, and offered her seat. The pregnant woman announced loudly that she couldn't possibly ask someone else who needed the seat to give it up, and it was a shame that some people (glaring at DW) had no respect for the priority system, which is in place to ensure those who really need a seat can get one. I pointed out again that DW had a genuine need for the seat too. Cue huffing, eye rolling, and lurching over DW whenever the train changed speed for the rest of her journey.

AIBU to think that although some pregnant women do need a seat on a tube, they shouldn't assume automatic priority over others also in need? There's no priority seat ranking system I don't know about?

Either of them could get a taxi of they felt like it, or could afford it. ??

Whats grim Candy is that some one has started a thread to slag off a heavily pregnant woman in wanting a seat too.

Instead of slagging off the carriage for not assisting all three of them!

I don't quite get the point of why it has to be the pregnant woman to get a taxi. Am I missing something?

And an excuse to bitch about "entitled" pregnant women

Yes.

1. Is recovering from recent surgery for an eating disorder really a disability? Or more like poor journey planning when she should've been home recuperating?

1. Is the OP a man or a woman? ()

1. Those baby on board badges are super useful in the early stages of pregnancy when you're not showing yet but feel like death warmed up. And they work very well as a system. I always got offered a seat when wearing mine.

1. Rush hour on the tube lasts for about two hours. It's impossible to avoid once you're in it. Lol at waiting for the next train with free seats to come along. It'll be a long wait.

1. Getting a taxi in rush hour would be a very expensive way to sit in stationary traffic for over an hour to do what should be a 10 minute journey. North of £30, definitely.

1. Rush hour in London on a Friday night is never pleasant. In fact rush hour in London on any day - morning or night - is never pleasant. No one's having a good time. When you go down those escalators you are basically signing up for a dehumanising and soul destroying experience. To expect anything else is touchingly naive.

I've commuted on the London underground for 16 years and I'm telling you, it's every man for himself down there.

Neither woman should have to get a taxi. They're both entitled to travel by tube and should both be prioritised for seating. Sadly, this relies on other passengers not being knobbish.
But if one has to explore the alternative transport route, then organising ones daily commute by cab has obvious difficulties when compared to a one off journey when so unwell.

But tbh. I don't really like the principle of "choosing" who was Robert deserving here.They both needed a seat. Op's DW was there first so it was her seat.
Preg lady seemed not to believe DW actually needed the seat rather than wanted it.

Oh are heavily pregnant women protected members of society now? Aren't we allowed to vent about them? Or is it because the OP is a man?

I have people look at my bump, them look away, all the time. It's worse that they make it fucking obvious!

*then

We do know the OP took the opportunity to use this thread to castigate a heavily pregnant woman who needed a seat and didn't have one, not all the people who had a seat and didn't need one.

No, we know the OP took the opportunity to ask a website full of mothers whether they thought pregnant people should automatically get a seat on public transport ahead of anyone else that might need a seat.

He commented on a rude woman because she was rude, not because she was pregnant and female. All the other people who had a seat didn't warrant a comment from him because they weren't verbally abusive to his wife.

When are you going to see the difference?

agree with woo

Nowhere in the OP does the pregnant woman get castigated. He has used no bad language about her. If it had been an elderly man who had done the same thing, I expect the OP would have read much the same.

Well hopefully next time they'll feel confident enough to ask someone for a seat rather than waiting. I'd have no problem giving up my seat if asked, it's unlikely they'd be asking unless they were in serious discomfort.

Are people seriously suggesting that OP's DW should have asked for a seat beforehand - instead of waiting for a priority - so the pregnant woman could have had the priority seat?

Why is it unbelievable that a pregnant woman was rude? Some people are rude and some rude people are parents. And why are we assuming she was a regular commuter? Maybe she was a infrequent traveller too. Any excuse to defend this random woman?!

Brian clearly both women needed the seat, and as far as I can see both of them are being targeted.

Not really. The pg woman wouldn't accept that the ops wife also needed the seat, because she had an issue that couldn't physically be seen. We know this because she wouldn't take the seat that the older lady had offered her. The pg woman isn't being targeted by the op. He/she is simply pointing out what happened. And his wife shouldn't have given up the seat if she needed it as much as the op said she did. Another passenger should have given up their seat. The op did what he could. There was no other options available.
My dh also has hidden disabilities. We travel by tube to a London hospital because we can't afford the taxis. Its a pita for him if he has to stand as he becomes chronically exhausted and if he falls, his bones will break. Pg woman does not trump people with disabilities.

For God's sake Tequila no I'm not, I'm just suggesting next time she's in pain she should ask someone for a seat. What the hell is outrageous about that?

I was describing a scenario without any pregnant women vying for the seat, I was describing a situation where the OP's wife was standing and in pain.

My apologies squoosh, although other people have said things that are relevant to my post.

The list of problems the ops wife has..and yet he let her stand for two stops, before the priority seat came free...and yet he describes the stakes of her falling as so high, weak bones, post operation, on and on....There is no way I would let anyone with me in that state....stand up...i would polity appeal to people would they mind letting my - person sit down..

So it's his fault now?

Have I missed something? Does it say that the OP's wife has an eating disorder?
I read ED as Ehlers-Danloss syndrome but didn't see it clarified anywhere.

I think this whole thread is such a shame. Two people justified in priority seating having to battle it out because others are rude.

OP's DW needed the seat. There is an argument that in her specific circumstances, private transport would have been wiser, that's undeniable. However of course she has the right to use public transport and may well have no other choice.

Pregnant woman needed the seat. Her behaviour if taken as read was appalling.

DW got the seat. Good, she needed one. Personally if my loved one was suffering in those circumstances and we had to take the tube, I'd have been asking anyone I could see as soon as we had boarded "my wife has recently had surgery, may she have your seat" not waited for priority seating to become available.

Equally when the altercation occurred, I would have been firm in saying my wife needed the seat due to recent surgery, but then I would have recognised the pregnant lady's equal need (because you don't know who needs it more ) and done my utmost to help her.

This is the real issue. Not DW using the tube, not pregnant women being entitled, but fucking rude cunts seeing this sort of thing going on and not being arsed to offer a seat. People just thinking of themselves and not thinking well how can I help the situation.

And yes, a few more priority seats (and IMO, a priority seat badge, but I'm not having that argument again) couldn't hurt.

Beyond, between two tube stops in Central London is less than five minutes. They got on, no seats. Next stop, no one gets off. After next stop, woman in priority seat starts gathering bags. DW gets ready to sit down as seat is clearly coming free.