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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that pregnant women don't trump everybody else for a seat on the tube?

992 replies

dancersdad · 09/05/2014 19:34

I possibly need some perspective. DW and I were in London today, and unavoidably had to travel on the tube this evening in commuter rush hour. DW has a number of health issues that aren't physically visible, but definitely do impact upon her ability to stand on a crowded tube. When we got on at the start of our journey back the tube was packed with no free seats, so we both stood and I held onto DW as I was worried she was going to fall. The carriage was made up almost entirely of commuters. Two stops into our journey an elderly man got off leaving one of the priority seats free- the only free seat in the carriage. DW went to take the seat and was almost knocked onto the floor by a heavily pregnant woman who tried to slide into the seat alongside DW and beat her to it, as it was DW was already in the seat and the other woman stood up. She then told DW she was so sorry to ask her to move, but she was in a priority seat and as she was sure she knew, priority seats are reserved for those who really need them. DW told her that she had a reason for needing the priority seat too and refused to move when asked again. Cue a whole string of abuse about how no one has any manners nowadays, that she had asked DW to give up her seat for her because as a woman she would expect DW to understand that pregnancy can be hell, the least she could do would be to let her have the seat etc. I stepped in at this point and explained that DW really did need the seat, and loudly suggested to the rest of the carriage that I was sure someone else would be willing to give up a seat for her. Suddenly everyone else was deeply engrossed in their ipads, kindles etc, except for an elderly lady in the other priority seat who clearly needed it too, and offered her seat. The pregnant woman announced loudly that she couldn't possibly ask someone else who needed the seat to give it up, and it was a shame that some people (glaring at DW) had no respect for the priority system, which is in place to ensure those who really need a seat can get one. I pointed out again that DW had a genuine need for the seat too. Cue huffing, eye rolling, and lurching over DW whenever the train changed speed for the rest of her journey.

AIBU to think that although some pregnant women do need a seat on a tube, they shouldn't assume automatic priority over others also in need? There's no priority seat ranking system I don't know about? Confused

OP posts:
BrianTheMole · 10/05/2014 20:19

Pg woman was rude. Your wife needed the seat. The issue is not with your wife, its with the other passengers who refused to move.

turgiday · 10/05/2014 20:20

And you have no idea how much it disturbs me to see MNers saying that disabled and chronically ill people who have trouble standing, should not take publc transport. I had no idea until this thread that some people think public transport is only for the able bodied and healthy.

KatieKaye · 10/05/2014 20:20

OP did not ask for a seat for DW, ican.
DW was seated, pregnant woman wanted seat and DW twice told her she needed the seat before OP intervened.
Pregnant woman could well be earning enough to be able to afford taxis. We don't know. But if she cannot travel on a tube standing bcos of the high risk (as stated by many) of falling, then she shouldn't be there because she can't guarantee a seat. After all, DW only has her own health to think about while pregnant woman needs to be doubly cautious.

BeyondRepair · 10/05/2014 20:22

Nah sorry disagree, and was ops wife nice to the pregnant lady? Was she apologetic for the sake of diplomacy and just being humane?

she wasn;t so un reasonable to take a seat off an elderly person if ops wife had sweetly smiled and said I am ever so sorry, I do really need this seat...I can see your pregnant..but I really cannot move" then perhaps turned to the person next to her and said - would you mind letting this lady sit down please...

I am not sure pregnant lady would have been abusive.

KatieKaye · 10/05/2014 20:22

A person who comes out with a torrent of abuse is no lady. There is never any need to behave to another person who is only standing up for their needs in such an aggressive manner.

BeyondRepair · 10/05/2014 20:24

Pregnant woman could well be earning enough to be able to afford taxis

Very true....

I would choose rush hour tube and all that goes with it over a nice private taxi any time...esp when preggars.....Confused

KatieKaye · 10/05/2014 20:24

Why should a disabled person be apologetic because they need a seat? That is an outrageous thing to say.

BeyondRepair · 10/05/2014 20:24

How do we know ops wife didnt trigger this abuse by being rude also?

BeyondRepair · 10/05/2014 20:26

Why should a disabled person be apologetic because they need a seat? That is an outrageous thing to say

I know my Mother who has a badge, and would have been totally apologetic to the pregnant lady that she won the seat....

My mother would have been sweet and diplomatic about it though because she is also human.

KatieKaye · 10/05/2014 20:27

And what about pregnant woman bring humane and accepting that other people have needs to?

Funny how it's fine for disabled people to be told to taxis, and just to budget better! But not pregnant women.

Sigh.

Discrimination is alive and well on this thread.

ICanSeeTheSun · 10/05/2014 20:29

I didn't mean every time the wife has to travel, just while recovering from the operation.

I know what it's like to be in constant pain, my knee gives way a lot and I use public transport as we can't afford to run 2 cars, not that I can drive at the moment due to the medication I am on.

I would have possibly enquired if I was allowed to use an ambulance to get to an appointment.

KatieKaye · 10/05/2014 20:30

We only know that pregnant woman was rude. And that other than elderly lady, no other passenger was willing to give her a seat.
Maybe the two are related? Maybe not.

kali110 · 10/05/2014 20:32

Ocelot i look young and healthy but im not. Im sure not all of the people you cone across have problems but some may have hidden problems.

BeyondRepair · 10/05/2014 20:32

We only know that pregnant woman was rude

And where do we have this vital info from Katie? Who is your source?

Oh yes....of course its the OP who has perceived his wife to have been slighted.

Very balanced view there...yes Confused

ICanSeeTheSun · 10/05/2014 20:33

I would always give up my seat for a pregnant women, I couldn't live with the guilt if the women fell and lost her baby.

turgiday · 10/05/2014 20:34

icanseethesun - Ambulances are for people who can not use public transport.

KatieKaye · 10/05/2014 20:35

Oh good luck with getting an ambulance! Unless you have private health insurance...
The way the NHS works is that you only get to travel in an ambulance if you actually need one, eg you've been in an accident. Otherwise you make your own way. I had to get the bus for daily appointments when learning to walk again after major accident.

And as has been said numerous times: some people cannot afford a taxi.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 10/05/2014 20:36

ICan ambulance criteria is very strict, for example we're only allowed to provide ambulance transport for patients on oxygen or in a wheelchair, that's it. People think we can just provide, but we can't.

BeyondRepair · 10/05/2014 20:36

I would always give up my seat for a pregnant women

I have to say, after my operation should I have had the misfortune to have ended up on the tube...I am not sure I would have given up my seat for her.

Having said that I would have been extremely apologetic and out of common courtesy. I would have said I really needed the seat, that I could see her predicament but I really would not oust a heavily pregnant lady out of priority seat without need. I would have then asked the person next to me or opposite if they could relinquish.

turgiday · 10/05/2014 20:37

And why shouldn't disabled people travel on public transport? They have as much right to as able bodied and healthy people.

TequilaMockingbirdy · 10/05/2014 20:38

Ambulance bookings are difficult to get!

And why should our health service be inundated because people can't give a sodding seat up. (those who sat there and don't allow people to sit who need)

BrianTheMole · 10/05/2014 20:38

Funny how it's fine for disabled people to be told to taxis, and just to budget better! But not pregnant women.

Yes interesting isn't it. Discrimination certainly is alive and well.

BeyondRepair · 10/05/2014 20:39

yes I can your not refering to the normal blue light ambulance a sort of service for patients.

My mother has used this after an accident and was taken to and from hospital because she was frail. It was a large sort of van with provision for a wheel chair at back.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 10/05/2014 20:40

I'm not sure what your point is, if I book transport as a nurse on a ward, I get a criteria list that comes up first, if you don't meet the criteria you don't get transport. It just says no.

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