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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that pregnant women don't trump everybody else for a seat on the tube?

992 replies

dancersdad · 09/05/2014 19:34

I possibly need some perspective. DW and I were in London today, and unavoidably had to travel on the tube this evening in commuter rush hour. DW has a number of health issues that aren't physically visible, but definitely do impact upon her ability to stand on a crowded tube. When we got on at the start of our journey back the tube was packed with no free seats, so we both stood and I held onto DW as I was worried she was going to fall. The carriage was made up almost entirely of commuters. Two stops into our journey an elderly man got off leaving one of the priority seats free- the only free seat in the carriage. DW went to take the seat and was almost knocked onto the floor by a heavily pregnant woman who tried to slide into the seat alongside DW and beat her to it, as it was DW was already in the seat and the other woman stood up. She then told DW she was so sorry to ask her to move, but she was in a priority seat and as she was sure she knew, priority seats are reserved for those who really need them. DW told her that she had a reason for needing the priority seat too and refused to move when asked again. Cue a whole string of abuse about how no one has any manners nowadays, that she had asked DW to give up her seat for her because as a woman she would expect DW to understand that pregnancy can be hell, the least she could do would be to let her have the seat etc. I stepped in at this point and explained that DW really did need the seat, and loudly suggested to the rest of the carriage that I was sure someone else would be willing to give up a seat for her. Suddenly everyone else was deeply engrossed in their ipads, kindles etc, except for an elderly lady in the other priority seat who clearly needed it too, and offered her seat. The pregnant woman announced loudly that she couldn't possibly ask someone else who needed the seat to give it up, and it was a shame that some people (glaring at DW) had no respect for the priority system, which is in place to ensure those who really need a seat can get one. I pointed out again that DW had a genuine need for the seat too. Cue huffing, eye rolling, and lurching over DW whenever the train changed speed for the rest of her journey.

AIBU to think that although some pregnant women do need a seat on a tube, they shouldn't assume automatic priority over others also in need? There's no priority seat ranking system I don't know about? Confused

OP posts:
Icimoi · 10/05/2014 19:41

No, it isn't London. I've been helped countless times in London with pushchairs, heavy suitcases etc. And I remember fondly the lovely man in the City who offered to give me his umbrella when I'd foolishly gone out without one and it was chucking down.

Alisvolatpropiis · 10/05/2014 19:42

The transport methods available may it different.

In say, Cardiff (just using it because I live there) your public transport option is bus or train (which only services about half of the city). So driving is very much an option many take. Or walking (it's a compact kind of place). So there can be little to no interaction with other members of the public.

Whereas the tube system in London means a lot more people are exposed to each other. That many people - that many more unpleasant rude types to encounter.

WooWooOwl · 10/05/2014 19:44

I agree it's not London.

I have helped people in London and I've been helped, both plenty of times.

It does seem to be something about the commuter rush hour that makes people become a bit self centred.

Being self centred is better than being blatantly rude though.

KatieKaye · 10/05/2014 19:46

perhaps because the other commuters were not actively rude to his DW?

As for "ganging up" - we know one woman is very frail and seated. She is being castigated by a very pregnant woman who is standing up. I know who looks like the aggressor in this situation - and it isn't the seated lady

ithaka · 10/05/2014 19:52

As for "ganging up" - we know one woman is very frail and seated. She is being castigated by a very pregnant woman who is standing up. I know who looks like the aggressor in this situation - and it isn't the seated lady

In that picture you describe, the aggressor must surely be the standing up, able bodied man who is with the seated lady - surely?

It is very revealing that the OP chose to make this thread about the pregnant lady who did not behave as he thought she should, rather than anyone else in the carriage who didn't even need a seat. Pick your victims, hey?

DodderyOldSoul · 10/05/2014 19:52

I'm afraid I'm a bit skeptical of the OP's description of the fierce pregnant woman.

If I was your DW I'd be more annoyed that you didn't take the initiative and ask other people in the carriage.

BeyondRepair · 10/05/2014 19:52

Being self centred is better than being blatantly rude though

I think it is blatantly rude not to offer your seat to someone who needs it more.

BeyondRepair · 10/05/2014 19:54

If I was your DW I'd be more annoyed that you didn't take the initiative and ask other people in the carriage

Yes this is what I don't understand, I think he handled the whole situation badly and was pissed off that the pregnant lady was pissed off about a seat...she was pregnant after all, not able bodied .

He should be more annoyed with himself thinking, goodness, I have upset a heavily pregnant lady and did not do more to secure her a seat. Thank goodness she didnt fall. Not that our op would have cared.

katese11 · 10/05/2014 19:57

I don't understand this situation...Your details and the pg lady both desperately needed a seat but you left it until a fight broke out to ask people to move? If your dw is frail you might just have to get a bit bolder in saying to people as soon as you get on the train "sorry, my wife's not well...Could she possibly have your seat". The problem here is that all concerned left it to boiling point before asking the other commuters to move!

WooWooOwl · 10/05/2014 19:59

It is very revealing that the OP chose to make this thread about the pregnant lady who did not behave as he thought she should,

Yes, it reveals that he was upset about someone being openly rude and verbally aggressive towards his sick and vulnerable wife.

Morgause · 10/05/2014 20:02

Good grief the "poor pregnant woman" was perfectly capable of shouting the odds at an obviously frail woman and yet the OP is criticised for not securing a seat for her. With that mouth she could ask for one for herself.

Ganging up? Ridiculous - the OP defended his wife when she was verbally attacked.

Summerbreezing · 10/05/2014 20:04

I agree the behaviour of the other passengers was absolutely abysmal. But that still doesn't excuse the pregnant woman making a scene when she had been told by the OP and his wife that the wife had a condition which meant she needed the priority seat.

It's a bit sad that we need priority seats nowadays. When I was growing up men stood up for elderly or pregnant women, schoolkids and teenagers stood up for anyone middle aged upwards, and parents took kids up to about 8 years of age onto their laps to free up seats (and got older children to stand and offer their seat). There was no need for priority seats because people had manners and consideration.

squoosh · 10/05/2014 20:05

I think people are over dramatising the situation just a tad. None of you were there.

ithaka · 10/05/2014 20:07

We do not know how 'frail' the DW was in comparison to the pregnant lady, who may also have been frail. We just don't know, so there is little point making this a 'frailness' contest.

We do know the OP took the opportunity to use this thread to castigate a heavily pregnant woman who needed a seat and didn't have one, not all the people who had a seat and didn't need one.

ICanSeeTheSun · 10/05/2014 20:10

I would be a little annoyed if a man was asking for a seat on my behalf. I find it a little sexist tbh it needs a man to ask.

If I was your wife I would have budgeted for a taxi, 2 weeks post op and being very unwell.

The pregnant women it would be near impossible for a daily commute to get cabs every where.

ocelot41 · 10/05/2014 20:10

Pregnant women can have hidden disabilities too! I got the pelvic separation thing in the last few months of pregnancy which made standing very difficult. Eventually I ended up on double crutches, which actually was an improvement because there was an obvious visual cue. I distinctly remember getting very militant towards people who looked young and healthy and plonked themselves in a priority seat, if a polite request was met with a refusal stream of swear words. Honestly, I think she had probably just had a gut full that day and the fault lay with everyone else in not getting up.

turgiday · 10/05/2014 20:12

icanseethesun - Then you have no idea how many people live. Budgeting for a taxi would mean for many, not eating.

BeyondRepair · 10/05/2014 20:12

f I was your wife I would have budgeted for a taxi, 2 weeks post op and being very unwell

Whilst ops wife had a right to the seat, I do would have used forsight and used another way to get home. I had an operation and there is no way you would have got me on the tube!

KatieKaye · 10/05/2014 20:13

ithaka you are jumping ahead. OP did not intervene until the pregnant woman refused to accept DW needed the seat and asked again that she move. It is only after she refuses to listen to DW that OP intervenes, because he realises pregnant woman is determined to get the seat.

Also, this is after pregnant woman verbally abused DW.

Nobody could call his defence of DWs need for the seat "bullying" unless they have an agenda to prove that pregnant women are always right.

BeyondRepair · 10/05/2014 20:14

Budgeting for a taxi would mean for many, not eating

But op said his wife could fall and break bones, he also said had the pregnant lady managed to get into the seat first, they would have let her have it.

surely too much risk involved for such a fragile lady?

turgiday · 10/05/2014 20:14

ocelot - That sounds very painful. But if someone says they have a disability that means they need to sit down, you need to believe them.

Of course one of those middle aged men should have got out of their seat.

Summerbreezing · 10/05/2014 20:16

The OP was asking for a seat on the woman's behalf to stop her verbally attacking his wife for sitting in a priority seat - which she actually needed Icantseethesun.

BeyondRepair · 10/05/2014 20:16

We do know the OP took the opportunity to use this thread to castigate a heavily pregnant woman who needed a seat and didn't have one, not all the people who had a seat and didn't need one

Yes ^ it seems really mean to me.

Now he has not only let the woman stand and be so upset..when it could all have been handled so much better, he has now started a thread about her.

Poor lady.

turgiday · 10/05/2014 20:17

Beyondrepair - The point is that some people have no choice. Many disabled and chronically ill people can't afford taxis across London. If you can't afford something, you have to face the risks on public transport.

I honestly think there are a number of people on MN who have never truly struggled with poverty, and make all kinds of pronouncements about spending money, without any idea how life is for many.

turgiday · 10/05/2014 20:18

The pregnant woman was rude. Yes she needed a seat, but her attitude stank.