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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that pregnant women don't trump everybody else for a seat on the tube?

992 replies

dancersdad · 09/05/2014 19:34

I possibly need some perspective. DW and I were in London today, and unavoidably had to travel on the tube this evening in commuter rush hour. DW has a number of health issues that aren't physically visible, but definitely do impact upon her ability to stand on a crowded tube. When we got on at the start of our journey back the tube was packed with no free seats, so we both stood and I held onto DW as I was worried she was going to fall. The carriage was made up almost entirely of commuters. Two stops into our journey an elderly man got off leaving one of the priority seats free- the only free seat in the carriage. DW went to take the seat and was almost knocked onto the floor by a heavily pregnant woman who tried to slide into the seat alongside DW and beat her to it, as it was DW was already in the seat and the other woman stood up. She then told DW she was so sorry to ask her to move, but she was in a priority seat and as she was sure she knew, priority seats are reserved for those who really need them. DW told her that she had a reason for needing the priority seat too and refused to move when asked again. Cue a whole string of abuse about how no one has any manners nowadays, that she had asked DW to give up her seat for her because as a woman she would expect DW to understand that pregnancy can be hell, the least she could do would be to let her have the seat etc. I stepped in at this point and explained that DW really did need the seat, and loudly suggested to the rest of the carriage that I was sure someone else would be willing to give up a seat for her. Suddenly everyone else was deeply engrossed in their ipads, kindles etc, except for an elderly lady in the other priority seat who clearly needed it too, and offered her seat. The pregnant woman announced loudly that she couldn't possibly ask someone else who needed the seat to give it up, and it was a shame that some people (glaring at DW) had no respect for the priority system, which is in place to ensure those who really need a seat can get one. I pointed out again that DW had a genuine need for the seat too. Cue huffing, eye rolling, and lurching over DW whenever the train changed speed for the rest of her journey.

AIBU to think that although some pregnant women do need a seat on a tube, they shouldn't assume automatic priority over others also in need? There's no priority seat ranking system I don't know about? Confused

OP posts:
slithytove · 10/05/2014 01:48

Who said make people wear labels?

I'm pretty sure I said have it available for those who want it, just like with the baby on board badge. Which seems to work.

It's horrible yes that people don't look at a pregnant woman and offer their seat up, or see someone limping and offer it, or any of the other many things we could come up with. But that seems to be the world we are living in, so if wearing a badge means I get offered a seat more / don't have to defend myself for looking like I don't need it, then I'm all for that.

slithytove · 10/05/2014 01:49

Why the term label?

And why isn't there this level of attack for pregnant women who wear the baby on board badges?

I've certainly never questioned someone's pregnancy if they weren't wearing said badge, and I wouldn't if that badge were a priority seating badge instead.

slithytove · 10/05/2014 01:51

Anyway a badge saying priority seating for those who want it could mean anything. Disabled, pregnant, illness, elderly, etc - it doesn't mean that someone is marked out as anything other than having a right to that seat. Hell, they could have it in their bag ready to show if needed.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 10/05/2014 01:59

Do we really expect people with disabilities (hidden or not) to wear a label asserting this just so we remember to be kind to our fellow human beings? Are there really that many ignorant cunts in the world?

slithytove · 10/05/2014 02:00

Ok, well me and a couple of others on this thread have said we would like one.

Is that so bad?

Oh also as above, a priority seating badge would be for anyone who needs the priority seating. Not just disabled.

slithytove · 10/05/2014 02:01

Oh, and yes, there are that many ignorant cunts in the world. However many able bodied people were sat in ops carriage today refusing to get up or even make eye contact ill bet - they are all cunts. And probably only a small number of them.

slithytove · 10/05/2014 02:03

I don't see why people are translating a:

"Priority seating" badge as a "Hi I have a disability" label

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 10/05/2014 02:04

I just don't... Surely the response to being asked for a seat is either 'sorry, I need to sit down too' or 'of course, here you go'. People are bloody horrible.

slithytove · 10/05/2014 02:06

Yes, they are, it's shit.

I have been refused a seat because I look just fine. I think the wording was "why, you don't need it" :(

Pregnancy was a blessing because of how visible it was plus I stuck my belly out as far as it would go

TequilaMockingbirdy · 10/05/2014 02:07

Because pregnant women aren't subject to the same sort of stigma a person with a disability is.

Maybe some people don't want to tell the world they have a disability. If they're not noticeably pregnant or elderly it's easily identifiable that they must be disabled then.

And slithy you yourself have just made a perfect point against them. You said even when a pregnant woman hasn't worn one you didn't question her pregnancy. Yet people think it's okay to question a disability?

I agree with hop

TequilaMockingbirdy · 10/05/2014 02:08

And I don't think it's bad you want one, I'm just saying not everyone does and it's a sad state of affairs that they would be needed anyway.

slithytove · 10/05/2014 02:12

I'm going to make my own Grin

I personally wouldn't question anyone's need for a seat because I know what it's like. However I have been questioned before and actually at the time had my back problem and was pregnant, you just couldn't tell.

My point with a priority seating badge instead of a bob badge, for those who want it, is that you don't know if they are disabled, or pregnant etc, you just know they have a need for the seat which doesn't need to be explained. It's an extra line of defence as it were when people like the OPs DW come up against resistance.

TequilaMockingbirdy · 10/05/2014 02:22

If you're a man though it's obvious if you have one you have a disability.

Or women who chose to wear tighter fitting clothing.

Oh FFS my neighbours have just started having the noisiest sex ever. Sorry I know it's off topic but I needed to tell someone.

slithytove · 10/05/2014 02:27

That deserves an AIBU all of its own

If the badges are glittery, everyone will want one - problem solved. Though there might be a bigger seating issue then.

TequilaMockingbirdy · 10/05/2014 02:28

I will demand feathers on mine, and sequins.

I'll have the gaudiest badge available Grin

slithytove · 10/05/2014 02:58

Grin people will just think we are aesthetically challenged

slithytove · 10/05/2014 02:58

and therefore deserving of a seat

BazilGin · 10/05/2014 07:07

I didn't read the whole thread, but just wanted to add, that in my home country pregnant women are really treated so much better. Being heavily pregnant myself, I almost cried (with joy) when one man offered me a place becore him in a post office queue recently. This was the only act of kindness I have experienced over here (pregnancy related) and I find it so, so sad. It is damn hard carrying a heavy load all the time, why not cut pregnant women some slack? I always give up my seat, to pregnant or frail looking passengers.
In Poland, pregnant ladies can skip the queue, for example in a pharmacy or doctor's surgery if required. I can only imagine the uproar if anyone suggested this idea over here.

tobysmum77 · 10/05/2014 07:12

I don't understand the whole priority seat thing - surely all the seats on the tube should be priority seats. The pregnant woman wu for kicking off, the rest of the carriage wvvu for not giving up their seat.

DizzyKipper · 10/05/2014 07:22

I agree with you OP, neither you or your wife did anything wrong and the pregnant lady was very unreasonable. I do get a condition in pregnancy which ends up causing me a lot of pain whenever I'm standing/walking, so I can definitely understand why some pregnant women would want/need a seat, but I'd never presume some one had no genuine need of a seat just because their health issues weren't obvious. She behved awfully and really showed herself up imo.

rootypig · 10/05/2014 07:24

katie pinksquash I think the pregnant woman should always have the seat in this situation for reasons of safety, as I've said several times.

I don't think everyone who needs a seat should take a cab. I have a disability and I take public transport, as I've said several times. I think the OP's wife sounds terribly frail and should not have been put / chosen to be in this position.

I find it interesting that many people with chronic conditions / disabilities on this thread, me included, feel the pregnant woman should have been given a seat.

rootypig · 10/05/2014 07:26

tobys the priority seats, much like on the bus, are near the door. It is not that other seats shouldn't be volunteered. But that certain seats are designated priority because they can better accommodate people with difficulties. And presumably so that people who feel they should have priority have some support (ha) in asking for a seat.

hazeyjane · 10/05/2014 07:30

I am stunned by some of the views on this thread.

Op, I really hope your wife's health improves. Take care.

Longtalljosie · 10/05/2014 07:31

OP, how horrible. I might have asked your DW if I could have her seat when I was pregnant - but if she'd replied she had reasons for needing it I would have apologised to her. As one of the first posters, said - she was an arse, pregnant or not.

Morgause · 10/05/2014 07:36

I have an invisible disability but don't have the confidence to ask for a priority seat and often wait for the next bus if it's standing room only. That's harder to do at busy times, especially on the tube, but I may make the journey in several stages, sitting down on a seat on the platform in between.

I wouldn't ask for a seat but I also wouldn't give one up if I had one and I shouldn't have to explain why. "Sorry, but I need this seat," should be enough.