To write "no siblings, please" on DS's party invites?

[MumsyFoxy]

Last year my DS had his birthday party here at home. It's not a huge house.
Two parents dropped off their respective DCs AND their other children (who had not been invited and who are not friends with my DS); they didn't even ask if it was ok. To make it worse, when one came to pick up her DC, she wouldn't put thrir shoes+jackets on but told me she'd wait in the car (guess who had to do it!!)
This year I thought I should clarify "no siblings" on their invites.
AIBU?

brdgrl. I think the issue of child free weddings is completely different to not wanting siblings at a child's party. Having unknown kids of varying ages at a kids party could really alter the dynamics. I imagine a lot of children wouldnt want strange kids at their parties. My kids wouldn't have liked it at all. It's also awkward when it comes to games, food and party invites.

We never had any uninvited siblings turn up. I didn't start parties until they were at a droppable age and only had 1 whole class party, the rest were just 4-8 kids and my ex and I were usually driving them bowling or something then back to the house so there wouldn't have been car room for anyone extra.

Typo, I meant party bags.

I think saying no siblings is fine. People are cheeky fuckers.

My sister had a party for my nieces and invited everyone in their class. She just printed out 30 invitations and didn't specifically address them but just wrote the names on the envelopes and took them to school to be distributed - which the teacher did. On the day of the party a few kids turned up who no one knew. No one saw the parents, they just arrived at the door (no presents either but in full on party attire - theme party).

When the parents arrived to pick them up my sister went over and asked who they were (a bit awkwardly) and they said 'oh x couldn't make it so they passed the invitation on to us' smiled brazenly, made sure their dc had their party bags and balloon and trotted off, after getting a couple of hours of babysitting and their kids fed/entertained for free.

It's outrageous what some people think is okay.

^ Wow.
t I've heard of gatecrashING weddings but a childs party is it wrong to be in awe at the brazen cheek of some folk.

The way they behaved, and the people who had 'passed on' the invitation afterwards when my sister mentioned it, was that it was like a 'ticket' that would have been 'wasted' if not passed on.

That is amazingly rude. You wouldn't send random strangers round to an adult's house if you were invited for a birthday party with a meal, why think it's OK with children?

It actually happened at my first wedding 2rebecca, so some people do! We invited an old family friend of exH's (older lady who DH thought of as an auntie type). But she couldn't make it so 'passed on' the invitation to her twat of a son. He got drunk, called my bridesmaid a slag, racially insulted her husband and left our wedding cake at a bus stop

brdgrl. I think the issue of child free weddings is completely different to not wanting siblings at a child's party. Having unknown kids of varying ages at a kids party could really alter the dynamics. I imagine a lot of children wouldnt want strange kids at their parties. My kids wouldn't have liked it at all. It's also awkward when it comes to games, food and party invites.
and this is different how?
Having unknown kids of varying ages at a kids party could really alter the dynamics. Having unknown kids of varying ages at a wedding could really alter the dyamics - check.
I imagine a lot of children wouldnt want strange kids at their parties. I imagine a lot of adults wouldn't want strange kids at their parties - check.
My kids wouldn't have liked it at all. My friend/sister/husband/daughter/uncle/self wouldn't have liked it at all - check.
It's also awkward when it comes to games, food and party invites. It's also awkward when it comes to games, food and party invites - check.

Ok, I appreciate this isn't the original point of the thread so won't say more, but I really do think it is pretty much the same issue. Don't take anyone who isn't invited to a private social event, and don't assume they are invited unless their name is on the invite!

I've had people bring older siblings along a couple of times (they did ask) and my solution has been to make them work! They also get food but not at the party table and have had a 'thank you for helping' gift not a party bag. I find this works well especially when they are a few years older than the party child.

I did once have a party where the kids were too young to be left, it was on a bank holiday and childcare was an issue so I invited siblings. We had twice as many siblings as party children. It was ok but the games didn't really work so they just played round the house. Decided not to do it again....

Oh god I used to hate this - flipping sib gate-crashers.

For my Dds 7 th another mum and myself held a party in a sports hall for the entire class. It was a pretty organised gym lesson where they were all supervised by qualified instructors using quite full sized equipment.

One of the girls has a little brother and the dad brought both, and hung around the centre with the little boy. Some parents were coming and going- mostly dropping and running.
This dad studiously avoided doing any daddy duty, and his little uninvited son was unsupervised, fell, and cracked his head open, and had blood pouring out of it all over the place. The girls all were screaming. There was a lot of blood, gushing out, all over the floor.

I was so annoyed with the dad for a) just standing around in the way, talking about sport to some randoms and not just dropping his dd off,
And b) bringing his, much younger uninvited son to a girls party, and c) expecting some woman to look after him (just like at home).

The other mum and myself who were there in the centre had 30 X 7 year old girls to look after and honestly didn't have time to wonder what was happening to the little 4 year old uninvited boy who had wandered in and therefore had unsupervised (and uninsured) access to the equipment.

The little boys mum rang me later that night and apologised for her crap husband, and was mortified that her boy had caused such a flipping palaver with the bloody, gushing head wound, and the screaming.
He now has a massive scar on his forehead, which looks awful.
but I still can't talk to her normally, as before, as she knows her DH was in the wrong, (and that i think he was in the wrong) and that poor little boy has that massive scar to prove it.

It was a nightmare. And the other mum and i were terrified of being sued (even though the boy's mum rang me to apologise, later, they might have sued later down the line if their son needed skin expensive treatments, like grafts or anything).
Just a nightmare.

I think "no siblings please" is fine, also "sorry, no siblings" would do nicely. Enjoy the party!

Just to be clear, are you expecting parents to stay at the party?
That to me is bonkers, but bear with me...

...If you are allowing parents then you really need to welcome other children. Sometimes single parents or spouses of people who have to work in weekends have a hard time when there are other children and it is expected that the parent stays at the party.

If there are going to be no parents, just the invited children, then write SO SORRY, BUT WE CAN'T ACCOMMODATE SIBLINGS in big letters with a black sharpie and underline it three times. Even so, some chancer will miss it.

Bloody hell, Venus, that's awful. What a shocker of a "father"!
Mind you, when I was back in the UK with DS1, we went to Tumbletots regularly and got to know most of the mums and toddlers. Once, one of the children had come with their father instead, who clearly had no clue that the idea is to help your child around the equipment - he sat on his arse in a corner playing on his phone, while his 2yo wandered around, not knowing what to do, not able to participate properly. I was so cross! But bottled speaking to him directly, I spoke to one of the organisers instead who had A Word. What an arse he was!

If it is your home I would just stand at the door and let the invited child in and say a firm 'goodbye' to the parent and additional children. Tell them the pick up time before you close the door.

Reading this thread takes me back many, many years to when Charles and Dianna got married and there were street parties all over the country. I only had DS1 then.

Some community minded neighbours kindly organised a street party in the car park of the pub at the top of the lane. The landlord was wonderful. He roped off the car park and arranged for tables and chairs and got the catering done a mate's rates. Everyone in the lane was invited but the emphasis was on fun for the kids and we all paid so much per head. They'd organised games and prizes and each child got a commemorative mug.

The party was just getting underway when we noticed some "strange" children arriving and making their way to the food, which had yet to be served. The organisers knew everyone in the lane and turned the children away, saying it was for guests only.

Several sets of parents arrived and started kicking off. They lived on the estate that backed on to the pub car park and word had spread and they decided to gate crash. They thought the organisers wouldn't have the heart to turn away children and they settled themselves down in the pub. When the children were turned away their parents tried to bully and intimidate the women in charge. The language was very ripe.

Out came the landlord and told them he would call the police if they didn't bugger off and take the children with them and also banned the families from the pub forever.

It was an awful scene and could have ruined a lovely day but the landlord put some music on and the food was served and we carried on to have a wonderful time.

That was the first time I realised that some people have the most dreadful cheek.

she dropped a sibling off at your house? .

The type of village hall parties I don't think there is an issue as long as the parent is there, and they are kept away from the party table. Don't understand what the angst is there. tbh that type of party is usually awful so I think sibs are being blamed for the 'dynamic'

Several people brought sibs to dd's party but they were considerate and it was no problem at all. Oh and everyone replied on time also, we are obviously particularly polite round here

I've had a bloke try to smuggle his 2 extra children into a softplay party but thankfully the staff knocked him back. They were at the time 14 and 11 at a party for 6 yr olds! He was moaning about not getting any free time as he's a single parent...

Tbh it's not so much extras at the party as extras at pick up that I dread! Yes I'm looking at you, mother who turned up with her 12, 14 and 16 yr old (to collect her 8 yr old) and without asking made a beeline for the cupcakes I'd made for the kids to take home. You also pocketed one to take away for your DH, I later found out! Thanks to your greed, 2 kids didn't get a cupcake .

Last year I had someone turn up at pick up with their 2 yr old in a pushchair and ask if they could have a party bag for him! "He'll be really upset if his sister gets something he doesn't" they bleated and when I held firm the dad tried to make his daughter give her party bag to the toddler (it was a party for 9 yr olds)!

We also had a child who's parent turned up to collect a bit early (like 10 mins), saw the party was still in progress and buggered off for AN HOUR! And turned his mobile off. He couldn't understand why we were a bit terse with him when he eventually turned up...

YANBU OP - it'll be interesting to see the RSVPs though!

I remember even when i was a kid, mum having to do 60-100 party bags because we'd have everyone in the class of 27 and then the parents always turned up at collection with siblings (and brought them to the door - okay if young but most were about 8-12yo - so mum would feel bad) and ask for extra party bags. So then mum started only putting a piece of cake and a popper in there. I remember some years her frantically rushing round to make up more, as parents arrived with increasing numbers of siblings with on.

Party bags, another thing I hate. If we do a party bag, all it contains are cake and a few sweets, can't be doing with any of that other shite that costs a bomb and we all hate anyway!

The party ds1 went to on Tuesday ds2 did nt even go into the venue but the party child's dad gave dh a party bag For ds2 as well which I thought was really nice I hope he did it think we were expecting it ,ds also went to a party last Saturday in a hall and when I picked him up and we were leaving the party girls dad was standing in the foyer with big trays of Lolly's sweets cake etc and he said one bag of sweets two lollys and a piece of cake I wonder if they had had problems with rude guests taking to much previously!

I don't do party bags any more, I buy a huge load of books from the book people and a ton of sweets/chocolate bars from Home Bargains and let each child choose a book and a choc/sweet to take home. It's so much easier and nobody has to take bags of tat away with them. I have a stash of books that I just add to and it works out quick, easy and very cheap.

Mrs Koala you and your family are so kind hearted and tolerant:)

I remember your bath posts too

I've put seeds a book and a packet of haribo and there will be a slice of cake in the party bags this year. Fuck the plastic tat. None of us mothers want to have that stuff in our house, do we?!

Ha! Thanks Alemci, that's a nice thing to say. I think it's more that we don't expect others behaviour so don't really know what to say. That's how these cheeky people get away with it tho.

I can't remember the bath posts tho? Something else mug-like i have done no doubt. I once gave my old car away to a stranger because i thought they were young and 'needed help' and they didn't even say thank you. It turned out they were only 2 yrs younger than me and earned more than i did, and lived at home with parents paying no rent and spent £500 on a flash stereo system. i felt like a right mug then.

Anyway, apologies for Me-railment. As you were...party bags...etc