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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To write "no siblings, please" on DS's party invites?

170 replies

MumsyFoxy · 07/05/2014 19:16

Last year my DS had his birthday party here at home. It's not a huge house.
Two parents dropped off their respective DCs AND their other children (who had not been invited and who are not friends with my DS); they didn't even ask if it was ok. To make it worse, when one came to pick up her DC, she wouldn't put thrir shoes+jackets on but told me she'd wait in the car (guess who had to do it!!)
This year I thought I should clarify "no siblings" on their invites.
AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
MumsyFoxy · 07/05/2014 23:03

Just written invites; the ones for last year's culptrits say "No siblings, please" at the bottom next to the RSVP! Grin
Maybe I'll also put a sign on the door in the day for good measure!

OP posts:
Dubjackeen · 08/05/2014 08:52

YANBU in the slightest. You (or someone you appoint) may need to be on door duty, and gently but firmly, ensure that any extras are not admitted. It's rude to drop in extra children and the parents need to be called on it.

Mrsjayy · 08/05/2014 09:37

when mine were younger and had parties I had this happen a few times, One mum said to her child who BTW didnt look that fussed, aww X this isnt a party for you it would be nice if you could stay but it is just for Y to go to I felt obliged to let little x stay, say sorry no siblings, it is hard though so folk just have bare faced cheek ,

nipersvest · 08/05/2014 09:42

i have taken ds along to soft play centre parties that dd was invited to, but the big difference is i paid for him to go in, stayed with him, made sure he didn't encroach on the party group, and bought him his own meal. i only did this as it was 30 mins drive away, so it made sense to stick around for the duration rather than go and come back to pick dd up later.

turning up at a house party and dropping siblings off too is way out of order!

Mrsjayy · 08/05/2014 09:45

I have done that I dont drive so if a party was in a play place I would stay with a dd sometimes and let her do something while the party was on but i wouldnt dream of expecting them to stay,

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 08/05/2014 09:52

£25 per hr for extra sibling, paid in cash, in advance. Cheeky cow

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 08/05/2014 10:00

I remember this happening at my 7th birthday party - one girl (who I didn't even like but had been invited as it was all girls in our class) arrived with her 5 yo brother, who proceeded to break the new keyboard we'd got as a birthday present. Nice. I remember Mum being furious with the other mother but too scared to say anything to her directly - she'd probably have decked her if she'd tried, she was rough as fuck.

Thumbwitch · 08/05/2014 10:04

I had a swimming party for DS1 last year, for his 6th birthday, his first one at school (slightly different in Australia). I specified that at least one parent needed to stay with their child, and that if more than 2 children came, then both parents needed to stay. However! I did ALSO say that no one over the age of 7 would be allowed, as it would alter the dynamic in the pool too much - and STILL 2 parents brought older sisters (thankfully no older brothers) who were around 9 or 10. To be fair, they were pretty good and didn't cause too much problem; but that's still not the point, they shouldn't have come. They didn't have to, either - both of them could have stayed at home with the other parent - but the families chose to bring them. They didn't get party bags though - but they were fine with that.

Luckily nothing went wrong but I'll be much more careful in future.

OP - if you want to be absolutely sure that no one comes along who you didn't invite, then make the party somewhere where it's pay per head and only names on the list are allowed in - people can and do take the piss.

Original poster
MumsyFoxy · 08/05/2014 10:21

Thumbwitch, I can't have the party elsewhere because it's quite short notice. I'll be firm this year and if any parents turn up with siblings I will turn them down.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 08/05/2014 10:25

I genuinely do not understand why you put up with that OP? Confused

Surely to god you'd just say "Err you've forgotten your other children?" and just hand them back?

And then to be a further doormat by putting their coats and shoes on while the parents waited in the car???

Baffling!

drinkingtea · 08/05/2014 10:34

I do think no siblings AND parent MUST stay is an imposition to be honest - doesn't apply to OP, who is absolutely in the right - no excuse for dropping off uninvited siblings, but in my experience if parents have to (rather than choose to) stay (which really only happens at smaller children's parties) siblings are welcomed to - nobody expects them to be catered to, but its self important to expect other parents to pay for baby sitters or make complicated arrangemenrs for childcare because the host insists each party child is accompanied 1-1 and without siblings allowed through the door [hmmm] If the kids aren't actually friends then it barely matters, but if specific friends are invited and parent must stay, no siblings allowed rules are in place, then either parents with nobody easily on hand to care for siblings are put to a lot of trouble and potentially expense, or the nirthday child has to deal with the disappointment of not having close friends at their party.

FunLovinBunster · 08/05/2014 12:04

Never again.
Mothers staying.....we never asked them to, yet as hosts we ended up paying through the fucking nose for tea coffee and snacks for the entitled cows.
I am not doing class party this year. Just 10 kids at Pizza Hut.
And mrs x daughter is NOT invited.

Thumbwitch · 08/05/2014 12:23

Just in case your post was aimed at me, Drinkingtea - I'm sorry, I'm not taking responsibility for 20-odd children in our pool, it's just not safe or practical. So a parent was essential. Most people managed; and the 2 who brought extra siblings, BOTH parents came, so one parent could have stayed at home with the older uninvited sibling.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 08/05/2014 12:30

I think taking a sibling to soft play is fine as long as you pay entry fee and don't expect them to sit down to the party tea. I have also had to take younger sibling if I didn't have child care and older one was too young to drop and run. I'd always check it was OK with the parents first though and wouldn't expect him to be catered for. If invited child is old enough to drop off then this doesn't apply.

drinkingtea · 08/05/2014 12:35

Thumbwitch not aimed at, so much as prompted by... "Both parents" aren't always available - single parents, shift workers, partners who work away etc.

Thank goodness nobody where I live does whole class parties, as they sound a nightmare, and not being in Oz nobody has a pool, and pool parties seem to be rare, and for over 8s. I wouldn't do a party where I couldn't supervise (or provide supervision for) all the kids invited, except in the case of up to age 4, where I invite families/ parent and kids.

If a parent had an 8 year old and no other parent available, I guess their child wouldn't have been
welcome at your party?

SarcyMare · 08/05/2014 12:36

could you just put "no siblings" in hand on the offending peoples invites.

EEasterChick · 08/05/2014 12:38

I have only taken my DD to parties where the adults stay too as she's young. They have been in houses or hired halls so no entry fee etc. I have always taken younger DD with me, there is usually no alternative except not going. Surely this is ok? It has never occurred to me that anyone would mind, and I have never seen any sign that anyone does Hmm

Thumbwitch · 08/05/2014 12:41

Wasn't the case though. I do actually know all the children's family set ups that were invited to the party. And if for some reason there was a child care issue, then ASKING wouldn't have gone amiss.

x2boys · 08/05/2014 12:42

But why would you pay for mum,s that stay tea and coffee etc funloving if they want to stay fair enough but I would nt pay for anything for them !

WhereHas1999DissappearedToo · 08/05/2014 12:48

YANBU, I had this when DD was younger. One birthday she had was at a soft play and she invited her friend but her friend had a twin brother and the mum said that he had to come as they were also a 'package deal' otherwise it wouldn't be fair on him and he would be missing out, and the mum didn't even offer to pay, so I also had to pay $10 for him. I did feel sorry for him though as he was the only boy there. But the twin's mum was quite poor and they never did get trips to soft play ect, so I would've felt bad if I didn't let him come.

Original poster
MumsyFoxy · 08/05/2014 13:15

WorraLiberty, I guess I was taken a bit by surprise and unprepared and didn't want to be mean, so I allowed the extra kids. But then (as it is normal for kids, and I don't blame them ut their parents), they were pretty demanding (like kids are!) and I felt increasingly like I had been taken advantage of. They also asked for party bags, face paint (which I was doing), etc etc.
To be honest I was glad they were leaving so putting their shoes+jackets on was a small price to pay to get rid.
I have now written "no siblings, please" on the two parents involved!

OP posts:
Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 08/05/2014 13:28

It's awful though when they turn up and the sibling is clearly expecting to be able to attend the party too. I haven't got the heart to say sorry, you weren't invited. If the bloody mums left the sibling at home with daddy there wouldn't be a problem. I don't mind if I know it's a single parent and they don't have childcare, that's different, but it's rude for anyone else not to just bloody ask first.

I had a similar thing happen at the weekend. Dd2 was actually invited, specifically told she could come along too, to the party of a friend of dd1. Had it in writing. At the end of the party they went off to collect their party bags and the charming birthday girl said to dd2 'there isn't a party bag for you, you're not one of my friends'. Shock Hmm

I still can't believe she was so nasty. Poor dd2 looked like she wanted to cry. She didn't know she wasn't a 'friend' and as far as I was concerned they had both been invited, she hadn't tagged along. I've got the text on my phone, it says bring dd2 too!

Itsfab · 08/05/2014 14:36

Are you prepared for the strop when the parents realise it is only their invitations you have written it on?

whatever5 · 08/05/2014 14:56

If the party was in a public place and not my house, it wouldn't really cross my mind that a parent turning up with extra siblings expected me to pay for them. I would have just assumed that they wanted to stay because it was easier for them (rather than driving backwards and forwards) and that they intended to pay for their own food and drink while there.

We have had pool parties (aged 9 and over) and personally I haven't minded older siblings coming as long as they were good swimmers and it didn't cost me any more. I suppose that's because in the UK we have life guards for public swimming pools though.

Greyhound · 08/05/2014 16:11

Totally agree.

It was really embarrassing at a party ds went to because a lady had bought her two other kids and just plonked them down on the table where the birthday tea was being served.

As the mum hosting the party had paid for each child's meal, she had to tell the woman to move her kids so those invited could have their meal. Of course, her children started crying and kicking off and it was all rather awkward.