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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To write "no siblings, please" on DS's party invites?

170 replies

MumsyFoxy · 07/05/2014 19:16

Last year my DS had his birthday party here at home. It's not a huge house.
Two parents dropped off their respective DCs AND their other children (who had not been invited and who are not friends with my DS); they didn't even ask if it was ok. To make it worse, when one came to pick up her DC, she wouldn't put thrir shoes+jackets on but told me she'd wait in the car (guess who had to do it!!)
This year I thought I should clarify "no siblings" on their invites.
AIBU?

OP posts:

x2boys · 08/05/2014 18:09

I think its rude enough parents bringing siblings along if the party is held in a house or a hall but if its a themed party where you have to pay per head are parents really that thick or are they really rude why would anyone do it I would never expect to bring both my sons if one has an invite its just common sense surely?

drinkingtea · 08/05/2014 18:25

Drop off parties - no extras allowed. Clear cut and straight forward, should be easy to enforce.

But if the host has specified the parent must stay (or that is the norm for the age group locally) surely the etiquette is siblings have to be allowed through the door but parents are responsible for paying their way in (where relevant) and they should not expect to be included "in" the party, in games or catered food or party bags - they are just there as "baggage" and entertaining and feeding them is down to the parent.

Harder to write concisely on an invite but surely that is the excepted norm in most places and people know and assume this fairly universally? Or are people really saying its normal to expect/ insist parents stay but be if they bring along siblings too young to be left home for the length of the party (whether younger or older than the invited guest - MN seems to disapprove of leaving 8 year olds home alone for 3+ hours even if only the 6 year old was invited to the party... )

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 08/05/2014 19:22

This is why soft play parties are ace. Parent turns up with extra children, their names are not on the list and parent has to pay to get them in.

x2boys · 08/05/2014 19:32

You see ds1 went to a soft play party on Tuesday itbwas half an hour after school finished and at the other side of town as it happens dh was on an early shift so he picked us up near school and we dropped ds1 off at the party and took ds2 to do some shopping and then picked ds1 up from the party if dh had been on a late shift I would have had to stay at the party as it was only an hour and a half long and as I don't drive I could not have got home again and back in time to pick ds1 up.In those circumstances though I would have payed for ds2 to play and bought him a meal and kept him away from the party group no way would I have imposed him on the party!

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 08/05/2014 19:43

Anyone remember the story of the girl who was invited to a soft play party, then was shocked that she had to pay to get the girl in, pay for her meal, and the girl was forced to watch other children eat the buffet laid on for 10 of the invited children, girl didnt even get a party bag, there was only 10 for 20 invited children.

Parties are a minefield.

Lovestosing · 08/05/2014 19:49

YADNBU. My DD had a party a few months ago in a church hall. One girl who was invited walked in with her sibling who wasn't invited, their parents were nowhere to be seen. A few more parents arrived with siblings and just asked if it was ok for the sibling to be there. One woman brought her DD then half an hour later her DH turned up with their other DD! Apparently she decided to ring her DH to tell him to bring their DD as she would love the party. They proceeded to help themselves to the party food, twice and apparently went into the kitchen several times to make themselves coffees (which didn't belong to us) Next year I am definitely writing that on the invitations!

ThatsAStupidUsername · 08/05/2014 20:32

I really, really don't understand why people don't simply say no to the pushy parents. . Are people afraid of being thought of as rude?

I'd happily tell parents that they can't leave siblings and I wouldn't feel bad about it at all. Although I might try and send some cake home with the party goer.

I'm a quiet and non confrontational person but I don't like cheeky fekkers.

drinkingtea · 08/05/2014 20:33

They do seem to be don't they Tali - more on MN than RL though, I've generally found the expectations pretty clear cut in RL, as parties are always drop off at age 5+, and 3&4 year olds invite a couple of friends and siblings are expected, generally - I've had complaints about not bringing DD(8) to a toddler party her brother was invited to, as the mum was expecting her to help entertain :o I also had a mum ask me to go home and get DD and DS2 as only DS1 and one other little boy turned up to her poor little boy's party, and it wasn't going to be much of a party with only 2 guests :(

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 08/05/2014 20:35

Its the parents who should have to deal with the upset siblings, afterall its their own fault for trying to push siblings in knowing they werent invited.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 08/05/2014 20:36

My DD's birthday is mid August, so I might get away with never having to deal with parties.

drinkingtea · 08/05/2014 20:43

That's a bit harsh for your DD Tali - no party, ever?

We do one guest for tear of age - works well, lowish hastle and managable. The whole class things sound nightmarish and pointless, as surely parties are about celebrating with friends, not just a large group of people who happen to be in your class. Parties are quite strong friendship cementers in my 8 and 6 year olds' circles, and do seem to matter a lot to the kids - but everyone just invites a handful of friends - I've never heard of eandom siblings being dropped off, nor of parents being told to stay once the toddler years are over.

drinkingtea · 08/05/2014 20:44

year, random... phone typing...

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 08/05/2014 20:47

Maybe when shes older, I would. But my house is tiny and I'm on low income so I cant really afford them. She does get a day out on her birthday though, so its not like I never celebrate her birthday.

I never actually had a birthday party either, and my birthday is 3 days after hers.

LemonBreeland · 08/05/2014 20:52

Glad you wrote it on just the offenders invites, that way others won't get offended at being asked to not do something they wouldn't dream of anyway.

There is a Mum at our school who when her DS1 was invited to my DS1s party dropped him off with her DS2 with her. He started crying saying he wanted to stay. There are 4 years between these kids so it wasn't appropriate. Fortunately he was invited to my DS2s party only a couple of weeks later so I just said sorry you can't stay but you are coming to DS2s party soon.

It seems he does it regularly though, as I've dropped DS1 at other parties and he has ended up staying as other parents are obvious lying softer. I judge his Mum for not saying to him that he was not invited and he wouldn't get to stay.

Pimpf · 08/05/2014 20:56

Another here who doesn't understand why you let the children stay. Is it the typical British way of not wanting to cause a scene. Bugger that, there's no way I'd be paying for extra children that were foistered on me

justtoomessy · 08/05/2014 21:18

I didn't put no siblings on my DS party last year but will be doing that it this year. I did however, write something along the lines of 'I will only be doing party bags for those that RSVP' and I stuck to it and put names on each party bag. My mum told me I was mean

Ziggyzoom · 08/05/2014 21:51

I've just been asked (by text) if toddler sibling can come to 6 year old DD's party at our house. I replied that he could come and would be welcome to play with mum in the garden as it would be too much of a squeeze in the house... She is making alternative arrangements!

OHforDUCKScake · 08/05/2014 22:13

I dont think its harsh at all to have no parties ever.

Kids can get presents, balloons, cake and a friend round or a day out.

Its certainly not 'harsh' to go through childhood without a party.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 08/05/2014 22:17

Duck Exactly, I never had one and I dont feel like I missed out at all, I did some pretty cool things on my birthdays, so I have good memories.

My DD will have good memories of her birthdays too.

madboob · 08/05/2014 22:35

My 4yr old ds is going to a party this weekend. I think it will be a parents-stay type of party, would be surprised if it's not. I was going to turn up with dd aged 7.5months to allow dh to get on with something at home child free.

Dd isn't mobile & I wouldn't dream of feeding her party food, she will sit on my knee/in pram/on a blanket which I will take.

Will taking dd be considered rude? This thread has really got me thinking it might! The birthday girl does know who dd is but invite is only to ds.

madboob · 08/05/2014 22:37

P.s. It isn't at someone's house it's at a venue with a huge party room so no space issues

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 08/05/2014 22:41

Mad I wouldnt think so, not like your gonna be pushing her into the mix with the other kids, feeding her the party food and expecting a party bag for her. She probably be asleep at some point throughout the party anyway.

ThatsAStupidUsername · 08/05/2014 22:46

Mad. That is absolutely fine. I would do the same. It's only a problem when the uninvited kids are old enough to gate crash join in the party.

If you are worried about it at all then you could just ask the host when you arrive.

brdgrl · 08/05/2014 22:50

Absolutely mad that you would even have to say it, but I'm not really surprised. YA of course NBU.

I do think it is funny (funny peculiar, not funny ha ha) that saying 'no siblings' on a party invite is considered OK by most MN'ers, but that the idea of 'no children' on a wedding invite causes such controversy!

brdgrl · 08/05/2014 22:52

Mad, I think most people would see a babe in arms as an exception at a birthday party. But I think it would be a nice thing for you to call the host and just say "would it be ok if I brought DD?"

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