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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To write "no siblings, please" on DS's party invites?

170 replies

MumsyFoxy · 07/05/2014 19:16

Last year my DS had his birthday party here at home. It's not a huge house.
Two parents dropped off their respective DCs AND their other children (who had not been invited and who are not friends with my DS); they didn't even ask if it was ok. To make it worse, when one came to pick up her DC, she wouldn't put thrir shoes+jackets on but told me she'd wait in the car (guess who had to do it!!)
This year I thought I should clarify "no siblings" on their invites.
AIBU?

OP posts:
emsyj · 07/05/2014 20:35

I am dreading this issue - I took DD1 to a party over the weekend and it was clear that many of the guests had brought siblings. I mentioned it to a friend who was there and she said that in her DS's preschool class it is assumed that siblings are invited. It is DD1's birthday party in 3 weeks and the guest list is already standing at over 100 (40 kids and 60 adults). I simply can't accommodate any additional kids - the numbers are utterly ridiculous as it is - and I certainly can't make 80(??) party bags and a buffet to feed 150! Shock

Sadly, it is too late for me as I have already given out the invitations Sad. OP - YANBU, save yourself while you still can!

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 07/05/2014 20:37

When he got there, only 2 children had turned up (out of a class invite!)

That poor kid.

FunLovinBunster · 07/05/2014 20:45

Go for it OP.
I'd like to name and shame a mother who sat her 2 other daughters down to join in: DDs cheerleading dance party in 2011; DDs fucking expensive build a bear party in 2012; and DDs bake and decorate fairy cakes party. Yes you Mrs X you fake tanned fake nail cow. You didn't even bother to ask you just expected we'd be happy to pay for all 3 of your kids. And ps the one we actually invited my DD hates because she is a goby cow just like you.

SirChenjin · 07/05/2014 20:49

Who are these parents who think it's OK to bring siblings without checking first?? Shock There must be some on MN - I'd love to hear their reasons.

YADNBU OP.

cerealqueen · 07/05/2014 20:49

FunLovin Why was the daughter invited then, and did you let the mother? hoping not Confused

JapaneseMargaret · 07/05/2014 21:07

Why would you keep inviting a gobby child back to parties that are surely(?) not whole-class parties, where the family have form for piss-taking, and your own child doesn't like the one invitee? Confused

alemci · 07/05/2014 21:08

fun why do you keep inviting this girl if your own dd doesn't like her. I wouldn't invite someone like this back.

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos · 07/05/2014 21:17

At the first full class party I ran, I had someone turn-up with three siblings and a cousin. This was a church hall type do, and I cater generously, but I sat invited guests before add-ons and made it clear that they could have a slice of cake but no party bag. If parents ask, due to childcare difficulties, I try to be accommodating. At DS's first class party, I had a parent drop a sibling AND NOT TELL ME, so I had no idea he was there till I spied him in a game I was running (there was free play/craft at first). That still makes my blood run cold.

londonrach · 07/05/2014 21:20

Why did you let siblings in....never heard of this....parents very very very rude!!!

HappyMummyOfOne · 07/05/2014 21:28

Definately write it on the invites, the amount of people who turn up with siblings is outstanding. Very rude and unfair on the birthday child.

DS is older now but when younger we did soft play parties at a private time as did lots of other parents. Guests were ticked off by staff so no extras could come in. It hould be the parents or childs choice to include siblings not have them forced on you.

whatever5 · 07/05/2014 21:30

I've never heard of anyone to drop siblings off at a party. Why on earth would anyone do that? It's obvious that the invitation is only for the child on the invite. Some people have very strange ideas.

CerealMom · 07/05/2014 21:35

You need a bouncer. Have you got a couldn't give a shit fearless friend with a guest list?

whatever5 · 07/05/2014 21:42

FunLovinBunster why did you pay for the siblings though? I wouldn't.

Dubjackeen · 07/05/2014 21:50

It is DD1's birthday party in 3 weeks and the guest list is already standing at over 100 (40 kids and 60 adults). I simply can't accommodate any additional kids - the numbers are utterly ridiculous as it is - and I certainly can't make 80(??) party bags and a buffet to feed 150!

Jeepers, they are huge numbers, for a child's birthday party. Is it a once off party, or do you have that many ever year?

Original poster
MumsyFoxy · 07/05/2014 21:56

FunLovingBunster; no way I would have paid for the other 2!!!

OP posts:
emsyj · 07/05/2014 21:57

Yes, it is ludicrous, isn't it? ((sigh)) This is her first 'proper' party - last year we did a shared party with 3 other friends and it was family-only 'parties' at home before that, but now they are all at pre-school and so the 'class invites' thing has come up we are going it alone. I have got quite a few friends with kids (including a fair few from baby groups etc who have kids the same age who have been friends with DD1 all their lives), plus a few family members (not many of those tho) and then the kids from her pre-school plus her friends from the childminders - it really adds up. I did a big-ish party for DD2's birthday earlier this year (80 attendees including adults & kids) and I do generally really really enjoy doing parties, but the sibling issue might tip me over the edge. If the pre-school friends bring siblings then I won't do another whole class party again.

((goes off in search of gin))

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 07/05/2014 22:01

Soooo glad DD is a summer baby now.

JingletsJangletsYellowBanglets · 07/05/2014 22:09

Emsyj, why not just remind those who RSVP of limited space/large number of invitees and that you will only be providing for invited child unless asked otherwise in advance? Then say... Oh sorry, we did have 10 extra spaces for siblings but those were first come basis of rsvps and have already been spoken for

imip · 07/05/2014 22:09

I have 4dds close together. When one is invited to a party, the others are all devastated, but we are very firm that it is only for the named child. Sometimes, all our dds are invited, including dh and I, and we generally do go along (they are adults we'd like to chat to.), I may bring cupcakes etc at these parties.

If they are parties for under 5s and not drop offs, I may need to take a smaller child, or I may need to take them all/or some to pick up at a party because of childcare issues.

We average more than one party every week, it is a logistical nightmare Smile

emsyj · 07/05/2014 22:17

I don't think I'm brave enough Jinglets - so far I have found the school gates very unfriendly and I'm hoping to build bridges at this party! I also have the issue that my friends will all be bringing sibling groups so I don't feel I can actively exclude the pre-school siblings - I had just thought (until my friend enlightened me and this thread confirmed her wisdom) that people would only bring the one invited child. I will learn my lesson for next year though!

ThatsAStupidUsername · 07/05/2014 22:19

emsyj Would you feel awkward simply telling people that siblings are not invited. I wouldn't feel embarrassed about it.

Can you man the door or ask a good friend to do it?

ThatsAStupidUsername · 07/05/2014 22:24

emsyj. You are not excluding the preschool siblings? You just haven't invited them. The parents can take them elsewhere for a few hours, it's not an issue at all.

I have four kids close in age and it was never an issue when only one was invited to a party, it wouldn't have crossed my mind for to take the others. It changes the atmosphere a of the party if there are lots of kids that are strangers to the birthday child.

OddFodd · 07/05/2014 22:29

OMG I think I'd lock myself in the bedroom if that happened here! One mum did say that her other son really wanted to come to the party and I thought she was joking. Perhaps not :o

emsyj - that sounds like a wedding, not a child's birthday party!

expatinscotland · 07/05/2014 22:37

YANBU.

x2boys · 07/05/2014 22:50

I can't believe parents actually do this ds1 has had two parties this week the first one on Saturday in a hall type thing I just left him there and picked him up at the time stated the second one was yesterday in a soft play place which was actually hugely inconvenient as everybody only got the invitation a few days before it was half an hour after school finished at the other side of town I again left him and picked him up at the stated time most parents stayed both times but ds2 is autistic and would have wanted to join in and I think this would have been incredibly rude so I just left ds1 to it!