How the bloody hell do I stop my cat being such a complete git?

[AtYourCervix]

Breakfast.... 7am .... at least 3 courses.

Sleeps all day (usually on clean washing)

Wakes up and demands lunch 3 or 4 times at 11, 12 and 2pm.

Supper...5pm....eats all his own, steals from other cat and dog. Demands pudding At least twice.

Second supper 7.30pm

Third supper 8pm

From first supper until 8.30pm he will shout, bang doors and windows until someone lets him in or out. Over and over again.

9pm final demand to go out.

Over night...... will shout to go in and out a few times. Leaves assorted rodents strewn in bits over the drive and garden. Has discovered the joys of eating rabbits.

He only wants to be nice and sit on a lap when I am either on the lav or wet from the shower. He smells delicious. But is such a complete bastard. He can't be ignored as he is too loud.

How do I turn him into a nice cat?

Well Cervix, your OP has very accurately described my cat!

Except mine has a nasty vicious streak on top of the git-ness.

He is very pretty though...

Gorgeous kitties!
Years ago cats were worshipped as gods. They have never forgotten this.
True fact!
We are minions chosen to serve!

at Controlled Miaowing

I have had ehem some success with the concept of Controlled Miaowing. So I thought. After it went quiet (excellent) & after a suitable interval, when I was about to pop into the utility room & praise the now settled cats in their beds, there was a huge crash, as one or both of them shoved the full bag of recycling cardboard off the unit. They'd also shoved the cat beds off the shelves & spilt their water. Both were sitting inscrutably on the unit observing the mess

If he is eating all of this and not gaining weight I would be suspicious of a medical issue diabetes and hyperthyroidism would be the top two, but there are others.

I have four! Three who are beautifully well behaved and one who is a little git.

He pees on my bath mat, scratches my carpet and steals food constantly.

One of my cats has just had a litter of kittens, so we currently have nine felines in our house at the moment!

This is our little beast. He's 7 months old so only recently started to be allowed out. He's such a little bruiser! First thing he did was go across to a neighbours garden to start a fight with their cats

He's so affectionate though and loves a cuddle (and drool - what's with that??) in the evening.

Blueballoon I want your kittens!

The only times he's not hungry is the days when he's eaten most a rabbit over night.

He doesn't 'look' ill. but i'll keep an eye.

Just had supper number 3 so he'll be off out soon.

Pixel your's looks just like my boy!

On tablet, can't link but so familiar!

"Rusty" They are beautiful, I have to say!

I think I am doing cat ownership wrongly/being owned wrongly…

None of my cats piss/shit where they shouldn't… nor do they yowl at me for food… they share food between them… and all go to sleep on a night when I do.

Surely they're lulling me into a false sense of security and planning something.

This is lessonscat leaning over me whilst I was having a lie in rather than bowing to her whims for food and cuddles

Skitty they are definitely planning something.

StillStayingClassySanDiego perhaps they are related you poor thing, have you got scars too?

Mine has a bit more of a ruff round his neck since that photo was taken and he gets extra fluffy in the winter too.

He can be such a lovely boy but he is greedy, bossy and very noisy!

Evil, fluffy ball of malevolence aka Daisy.

YouTheCat Daisy is seriously cute!

She hits me if I try to nap.

That's called training in our house which is why I only nap in the bedroom that she can't open the door to as I hate being woken by furry flying hard leaping

Blithercat laughs at your pain

Catflap. Possible to find one for absolutely any sort of wall/door/window. Then he can go in and out at will.

Carpet squares around catflap. Worst of the mud gets wiped off.

Food. Just don't. Cats should be fed twice a day, with perhaps one snack in addition. DH used to feed our cats whenever they asked. They got into very bad habits and he started complaining that they woke him up and he had to feed them. No, he didn't. They didn't wake me up because I didn't succumb, so they stopped bothering me. Once dh grasped that and stopped leaping up to feed them, they stopped asking until about 7am. Now they don't really start asking until he gets up or it's getting past 8am.

OK, there were a few noisy days until they got used to the new regime.

If he is constantly demanding food and making a lot of noise, and is not putting on weight and even getting skinny, he could have hyperthyroidism

When did he last have a check-up?

I would take him

Leave the bastard!

My little girl cat sleeps on the Sky box. She can switch it on herself by walking over the switch on top. She can change channels when she is bored too.
My ginger tom just caught a mouse. I know cos he vomited it on the rug. Two pieces; head and body. Still bleeding.
However, they do sleep nicely at night and know better than to wake me.

My little gannets work as a team. The small female is the brave huntress and the big, clumsy bloke follows her around washing her head on demand. In return she protects him from terrors like vacuum cleaners, plants that blow unexpectedly in the breeze and other cats. And then in return she samples both bowls of cat food before rejecting one, which he then gratefully scoffs before she changes her mind.