How the bloody hell do I stop my cat being such a complete git?

[AtYourCervix]

Breakfast.... 7am .... at least 3 courses.

Sleeps all day (usually on clean washing)

Wakes up and demands lunch 3 or 4 times at 11, 12 and 2pm.

Supper...5pm....eats all his own, steals from other cat and dog. Demands pudding At least twice.

Second supper 7.30pm

Third supper 8pm

From first supper until 8.30pm he will shout, bang doors and windows until someone lets him in or out. Over and over again.

9pm final demand to go out.

Over night...... will shout to go in and out a few times. Leaves assorted rodents strewn in bits over the drive and garden. Has discovered the joys of eating rabbits.

He only wants to be nice and sit on a lap when I am either on the lav or wet from the shower. He smells delicious. But is such a complete bastard. He can't be ignored as he is too loud.

How do I turn him into a nice cat?

1. Jeeves enjoying his fire on his rug which he will not share.
2. Shadow,very smug because he has found a way round the rug ban. I should, perhaps, mention that the fire was nearly out, it wouldn't do to have a singed pussy.

He sounds brilliant - but I'm probably biased as I absolutely love cats!! I have three of them and one of mine is a greedy bastard too I hate taking her to the Vets as he always rolls his eyes at me when he puts her on the scales.....

Cat numero uno, a.k.a Soft Git.

Soft Git and Mental Git, getting in my way while i was trying to tidy DS's room.

Mine is determined that I will fail my degree...

Here's Soppy Cat, the softest cat I've ever met.

If you move you hand as if you're stroking her (but a few inches away from her) she purrs. She'll also lie on her back to have her tummy tickled, and pat your hand if you stop.

Although she does have a annoying tendency if (when) she's on your knee and you're watching the television. She's always fast asleep during the adverts so you can't get up and then become demanding (head butting, patting, mewing etc.) as soon as anything interesting happens!

Mine has taken control of my wheelchair: git!

My cat is a complete wanker:

• he eats at the neighbours' houses, regularly comes home with melted cheese around his mouth, stinking of cigarettes
• if we are eating one of his favourite things (naan breads, cakes, chicken) he gets on the coffee table and puffs up and stares at us
• shouts constantly
• when we first got him and didn't want to share a bed with him which lasted three days he simply took run ups at our bedroom door and shoulder barged it
• we just got a new wardrobe and he's comandeered it as his, in and out of all of the drawers and cupboards all night
• he has a lifelong obsession with our en suite bathroom, loves nothing more than to go in there and slide his hands underneath the rug (?)
• wakes my DP up every single day at 6:00am or thereabouts, by getting onto my DP's back (DP sleeps on his front)
• last night we went to bed early as have a lot on at work and the cat got onto the windowsill underneath the wooden blinds and surprise-jumped out so blinds clattered against wall, ad infinitum
• he gets on the bottom shelf of the bookcase at night after removing books one by one and scratches it

twat

Yabu.
You are not his owner, you are his person. Cats have people :-)

Big that cat is beautiful.!! Mine is fat and ginger also!!! The other two are black and white. The ginger one is the boss.

My ginger one cries till i let him outside and will cry till i let him in.
He will look and reach out for my dinner if its something he wants.
He will sit as close to me as possible.
He comes in soaked and cries so ill get up and dry him.
He sleeps at bottom in middle of bed so me and dp have to move over and have no room so he can stretch out, or he decides he wants to sleep on mine or dp's pillow.
Likes to be tickled when he decides and will then bite you.

I love him to pieces. He was my dp,s family cat. No more. He chose me. Hes now mine.

All these cats are completely adorable!

Mr Cory the fat tabby is my beating heart - he knows all too well that the baldy two-leg he lives with is here to serve. From my use as a heated seat cushion to industrious lavatory cleaner, he tolerates me generously.

This is my little terror looking so angelic. She's 20 weeks old and has terrorised me since she was 8 weeks old. She tries to kill all my plants, climbs the curtains, eats the wallpaper, pulls the washing off the rack, steals my bras, spreads everything around the room so it looks like a bomb has gone off and bites toes through the quilt. On the other hand she runs to the top of the stairs when you go in or out to give kisses, is very loving generally, purrs constantly and talks to you if you say hello to her. The second pic is of all 3 of mine (the purple bandage is because he only has one deformed front leg which constantly gets infected so is having an operation in 3-4 weeks)

Soft Git couldn't climb on my lap ass I was eating lunch. This is our compromise.

Lap ass? Hahahahaha.

My cat isn't a git, she's a bitch
who also wants food ALL THE TIME.

She wakes the DDs up at 3am to be fed.

I like to squirt her with water if she gets on my nerves.

"Did someone say clean washing?"

PuppyMonkey, what breed is your bitch cat? She's lovely!

God, she's a Ragdoll. A very placid, quiet, loving, docile breed allegedly.

Love her really .

That reminds me of our old devil cat.
His favourite trick was to climb up the dressing gown hanging on the back of the bedroom door, get on top of the door and then from there jump on your head.
He also dropped live mice on us while we slept. And then when he had an upstairs ban, he would climb on the half roof by our bedroom window and yowl if the window was shut (or open), loud enough to hear through the double glazing.
We left the country so we'd have a reason to re-home him.

This morning Composcat discovered a new and devilish way of awakening us.Jumping up and down on the bag filled with carrier bags.

She is also partial to chewing plastic bags, you can always tell when she's been at them as her poos are garlanded together by the plastic like a clarty daisy chain.

The best strategy I have found is to accept that they rule the house and that being their slave is a privilege! Loving the cat pics!

Hi, ComposHat, just wanted to say that chewing plastic is not good for cats (or dogs). The strands can get tangled up with cat's insides and cause problems. Same goes for cats eating string, elastic bands, bits of tinsel. One of my old cats once ate a long string of silver tinsel - first I knew was when he was running around with about a half a metre of it hanging from his bum! Vet said I was very lucky he got away with it.

Yes complete submission is the only way to save your sanity and your health. I'm sure trying to ignore him (he never gives in) is worse for my blood pressure than just getting out of bed and doing his bidding.

aah reading this makes me miss my git of a cat

I'm sure my neighbour would feel different though as the git of a cat used to pop next door to pee on her clean washing!!