To have said no?

[Tiggywinklespinny]

We have just had dinner, chicken veggies and baby new potatoes.

Dsd (10) can barely use a knife and was asked to cut her chicken not eat it off the fork in a great lump. Instead she said she didn't want it and left it. Too full she said.

She's now on meltdown because I've said no to ice-cream. AIBU??

Oh tiggy... SOunds like you are in for a fun weekend.
She is pushing you as hard as she can. Which is totally normal, but highly infuriating! this isn't a situation where it would ever be appropriate for you to sit back and say "hmm, maybe she has a point and I was being unreasonable."
She's trying to get a reaction here. Stay calm. It's ever so much easier to give in, but parenting isn't about taking the easy option. She needs boundaries - boundaries which are reasonable and age-appropriate. And eating properly and not getting pudding if you don't eat your main course are entirely appropriate

Explain to her why this situation has arisen and what she needs to do in future, e.g. sitting properly at the table, using her cutlery to eat her food and not slamming doors or doing things she has been told not to do (eating the ice cream!)

good luck. I think you're going to need it.

Wow she really wanted to win that battle didn't she!

Tiggy, just finished reading the thread. Just wanted to say I'm 100% behind your request to use knife and the consequences that arose from it! I don't take any nonsense about table manners either and have lovely children who know how to behave at the table, so I haven't damaged them too much!
Sending you lots of moral support and the suggestion you don't buy icecream for a while, stick to your guns! Your house, your rules! Oh and my DD has a step mum who I always back up when her rules are different to mine.

why not this one? seems reasonable to me.

she can go into the kitchen, get out ice cream and serve some for herself. she can cut up chicken too. she just chooses not to.

Stand firm Op.

My dad declares he has two stomachs - one specially for pudding, which is never full.

tiggy absolutely. Scientific fact.

What was the consequence for the ice cream raid?

Was it chocolate chip ice cream?
Coz it's starting to look like Kramer v Kramer scene in my head now.

Agree with op completely in this. But I do wonder how children who have two different homes, different adults in both houses etc ever get to feel at home anywhere. Think op is in right here but do feel sorry for dsd too.

Dh Told her off and told her he would not be buying ice cream for the foreseeable as she couldn't be trusted, she's sulking.

It was perfectly reasonable to for dh to have asked dsd to use her knife, if you're happy to sit at the table both at home and in a restaurant and your child picks up a chicken breast and begins to eat it from the fork that is your business. In our home we like to use table manners.

She's almost 11. We will not be cutting up her food, sending her a message that when she can't be bothered we will do it for her.

10year old tantrums can be worse than toddlers sometimes, when DS was that age he could outdo his sister in this weird mixture of a 2 year old snot flinging rant and Kevin the teenager...
I think you were spot on to stand firm on this, if she can 'barely' use a knife it implies that she's well aware of how to do it but is more concerned with getting the food to her mouth rather than the method used on get it there. Sticking to your guns will get the message across that you expect the good table manners you know she's capable of.
YANBU and good luck!

I don't think that not making a big deal out of the knife issue means that ppl would be happy for their dcs to eat a great old lump of chicken off a fork. I think table manners are important.
But I still would have let her have ice cream.
And (as much as i can manage) I try to teach my dcs by example and gentle reminding. Because I think it's more effective long term than the example you've given.
It would seem the DSD might have to live by two sets of rules and that's a recipe for great irritation all round.
As an aside, I don't think I'd find a lump of chicken breast very appetising and I would normally serve chicken breast sliced in an elegant fashion. Maybe DSD was expressing her dissatisfaction with her DFs cooking?

If she can use her ipad she can certainly use a knife. Stand firm.

I can't believe anyone would think it necessary to cut up a 10 year olds food for them unless it was lobster in a shell

YANBU OP I would've done the same just make sure you quietly don't buy ice cream for a while . I learnt to lay the long game with my teens and it's the only effective way for me

Table manners are just one of the things we are trying to work on, she will sit watching TV before school waiting for someone to get her breakfast because that is what dh has been prone to do. Will not put anything in the bin, leaves socks, uniform, computer and ipad in various rooms. Towel on the floor, pjs on the bathroom floor.

At almost 11 we are trying to teach her a little independence, this includes table manners.

Should we not bother and just do it all for her and hope when she's older she learns the basic skills we haven't taught her because there are more important things to learn?!

Usual, she wasn't struggling. She wanted ice cream so ditched the chicken saying she was 'full'

My parents would turn pale if they saw someone holding their knife like a pen.
There was never any need for them to drill this into me. I just picked up on what they did (holding their cutlery properly).
If there had been a stepchild in our family who visited at weekends and whose resident parent did hold their knife like a pen there would have been no point in warring about it at their visits to our house. It would have no impact other than to alienate the visiting stepchild/ stepsibling/ half sib, and to cause a row.

She's not a visitor! she's with us 4 days a week..this is her home also we consider that she lives here!!