Imp of the peverse - WARNING some might be odd/distressing to people who don't get this.

[elfycat]

On another thread I mentioned an act that I sort of daydream of. It's not a daydream but rather a little naughty voice/image that will never be acted on. The imp is cousin to the imp of mischief, only a bit more, well, peverse.

For me these include, but are not limited to:

Wondering what it's like to jump of something high

When reaching for a knife and DH is washing up, so I reach around him, I wonder what it would feel like to stab him (he knows this)

How it would feel to punch my 3 year old when she is being a threenager

What it would feel like to cut off your own arm (following on from the film where the rock climber had to) in particular the feeling of going through the elbow joint.

Obviously I am not going to harm myself or anyone in my family. I haven't name changed as I know it not to be a problem and SS do not be called as I am not a danger to anyone.

So anyone else understand why I am not a total nutter? And how are you other imp-sufferers getting on with the naughty one whispering in your ear.

keys down the drain I mentioned upthread that this ACTUALLY HAPPENED to me accidentally - even though I'd had a lifelong urge to drop them (along with mobile phone/piece of jewellry) down there on purpose. It happened to be outside DS3's primary school years ago. It was the ONE morning when I was looking particularly manky and my cR was locked too. I had to stand next to it waitng for the caretaker whilst all the yummymummies bitches walked past looking pityingly at me . Eventually the caretaker dragged them out of the yukky liquid-filled drain and washed them for me and off I went. I still remember the 'horror' to this day but STILL have the urge to do it on purpose!

Also : Microwave glass door exploding in my face
Smashing all the eggs in the supermarket
Snogging the face off someone MUCH younger/handsome
Knocking peoples drinks over for 'fun'
Poking my finger into the middle of big cakes
Throwing drinks over people instead of handing it to them (these people are usually LOVELY)
Speaking very loudly at a funeral/wedding ANY 'solemn' occasion or marching up to the front to 'join in'

And the list goes on... Glad to hear I'm 'normal'

Yes, I have had this too!

There is a bridge near me that goes over a busy motorway. I cross it often on my way to the supermarket and often picture myself climbing the side and jumping off. An alternative is imagining I meet a stranger up there and he forces me off. When DS was little and in a pushchair I would find myself imagining the stranger tipping him off.

Now that I am having driving lessons, I can also relate to the "steering into oncoming traffic" thing; I also think of jamming my foot on the accelerator, or being startled by an animal and crashing the car.

I also have had it with accidents around the home, especially when DC were little: vividly imagining tripping whilst carrying them downstairs, or dropping a just-boiled kettle. I always rationalised these thoughts as just some sort of parental hyper-awareness of threat - the brain running worst-case scenarios, as it were, in order to be prepared for any eventuality.

I've had the keys-down-the-drain - except it was down a liftshaft, between the lift doors and the wall. Went all the way down to the basement. I'd just had a M/C and was shopping - last thing you want is to wait about in a carpark in Guildford for the lift engineer to move the lift out of the way so he could jump down and retrieve them! I don't get that one any more!

My sister (aged about 5YO) put her thumb under the sewing machine needle and still has the scar. Don't have that on either!

BUT I do the 'making an exit plan' thing - I was in an indoor market in Singapoire recently, looking at the zilliions of clothes hanging on 3-floors of market stalls - and I just had to get out. The fire risk was appalling - and the exit were NOT well signed. It took us about 15 minutes to find the way out. I was screaming silently, imagining what it woul dbe like it there was a stray spark (lots of nylon)

I once held a sharp knife whilst the cat wound itself round my legs and wondered what it would be like to drop it, point first. I mentioned it once to a colleague, and she did the face and the face and I never mentioned any of these thoughts to anyone ever again (til now)

I had an over-active imagination when growing up. I didn't rush and do things on impulse so it never really concerned me. If my DCs asked, "What if....?" and outlined some peculiar scenario I just assumed it was a healthy safe way of daydreaming.

Three used to pop up now and then.

I'd be cleaning a bathroom and picture myself swallowing bleach. God knows why. Or on a rare trip to the coast, imagined keeping on walking into the sea. Haven't thought of either in years.

The thought of steering suddenly over a cliff or into oncoming traffic seems quite popular. That's probably my top one.

It is only a few times a year and never washes over me with anyone else in the car. Only yesterday morning I was driving along an unfamiliar but attractive route lined with trees and I thought if I crash now I've had a good life and the people closest to me can just get on without me being an increasing burden. All that in a moment. I'm more contented than I have been in ages so bit baffled as to why that recurred.

I used to wonder about streakers, was it a mad impulse or a contrived action?

PS I always look around for fire escapes, isn't that common sense more than a morbid fear of a conflagration?

I get them, always have, and they're fleeting and not-distressing as I recognise them as intrusive thoughts, which are partly designed to prevent us inadvertently doing any of these things. Very common in new parents apparently.

I don't have depression or OCD, but I'm introverted and imaginative (INTJ like many others here). Like someone mentioned above, I do a fair bit of catastrophizing and scenario planning. I'd rather stop but accept it as the flip side of the habits which have enabled me to be very successful in my career and education.

Modest, too

Donkeys

that's why I'm grateful for this thread.
I thought it was just me who has these "odd" thoughts.

I have thought of or imagined quite a lot of scenarios already described.
I'm glad it's not just me.

Oh! But I should mention that I am now very careful about what I watch or read. Upsetting things have a habit of sticking around in my brain when they're not welcome. So, traumatic stories/events which have actually happened to other people do in fact stick around and recur when very unwelcome. That's much more upsetting to me.

I think the fire plan one is so common it must be thought of as normal OR at least one of us was in charge when fire safety legislation was made. Fire drills make total sense to me.

Working as an office temp years ago we all stopped on a stairwell as the employee at the bottom didn't want to break the seal kon the fire door. I YELLED down to ask what the problem was and then I authorised the person to evacuate. How dare they endanger the rest of US? OK it was a drill but we didn't know that. The fire safety officer had to work out what happened as our group was over the time target. He muttered something about needing more temps if their staff were that stupid.

Does anyone else pick a fire exit that wasn't the main way in cinemas? Most people will go that way out of habit, into the lobby. The ones by the screens often lead directly outside or down a concrete non combustible stairwell.

Must admit finding this thread today after yesterday's fleeting doomthought was a bit of a jolt Zing.

Ninja - me too. I don't understand people who watch Horror films - the images would stay with me and pop up at night. I have to be careful what I read too - the news is sometimes too much for me!

Re fire drills - I have to stop myself leaping to my feet at work and charging down the stairs; everyone else carries on for a few minutes, then picks up handbags, finishes coffee, collects coats.... How do they know it's not a real fire? (And the noise is enough to panic me. AND we work on the 4th/top floor - by the time we get to the 1st/2nd floor the stairwell is packed. We'd have no chance. )

Glad it's not just me captainmummy! The most fleeting things get locked into my brain, and then of course reinforced when I think about them and get upset.
My DH is a pilot and they have to watch a lot of reconstructions of bad incidents, and read the reports, to learn from them. It doesn't really affect him except he's reluctant to let our toddler go on an aircraft.

He told me last time I flew that the people who get out of incidents don't queue politely in the aisle. They climb over seats to the nearest exit, elbowing anyone in the way. I habitually count seat backs to my nearest exit as well as read safety cards but this image has really stayed with me. I am a polite queueing type by nature

I don't know the other thread, but I frequently have 'wonderings' about things that are really fucking odd. I always, always get the urge to throw my phone out of the car window when I'm a passenger. If DP is driving and my window is open, if I just start closing it for no reason he'll let it close, then reopen the bloody thing from the universal controls with a massive grin because he knows exactly what urge I'm fighting! Git.

I also get the urge to bite him. Only him, really hard. He quite likes being nipped in the moment but I think he'd object to that.

And when I'm driving I have the urge to drive myself into a tree or something occasionally. Only when it's me in the car though.

I'm about to get the sewing machine out...

I'm glad you posted this thread OP. I thought I was the only one and have never mentioned it to anyone in case they think I'm weird!
Sometimes I get the urge to throw a brew at someone. When dc1 was in her cot, I sometimes thought - OMG what if I smothered her with her sheet! I was scared stiff even though I know I wouldn't actually do it. The knife thing is another one. It's bloody awful. Why do we get these thoughts I wonder and can anything be done to stop them?

Phew, not just me!
I have the knife one...wondering what would happen if I stabbed DH or DC in the back. This really upsets me.
Also, if there's a sharp edge I often think hat would happen if I hit DD's head into it (she's only 15 weeks so it's when I'm carrying her). I figured it's me making a point of not hitting her head into it, but I sort of imagine doing it.

My worst 'day nightmare' is imagining my DC have died, that they are on a table having a postmortem and I think about the songs I'd play at their funeral. I hate it but sometimes can't stop thinking about it until I'm crying.

Hmmmn....maybe I am crazy!!

I get the urge to push people who are standing at the top of stairs.
I remember as a child if I was walking over a bridge I would become paranoid that I would suddenly hurl my bag over the side so would hold it tight to me. I don't like balconys as I feel I'll get the urge to just climb over the edge.

If I am watching a film and someone goes under water I have to stand up suddenly, usually with a huge noisy intake of breath so I don't drown. That last one freaks me out, and also most of the cinema when I saw Titanic.

We call this 'throwing you picture onto the fireplace' - because my friend once received a beautiful painting done by a friend and wondered what would happen if she just put it on the fireplace!

I quite often think 'what would happen if I just dropped the baby now' or get random urges to put my cigarette out on someone's head.

Glad I'm not the only one!

I do this - imagine partaking in random and often violent acts, and I also have the complex daydreams about what awful fates could befall my family and I.

I sort of self medicate by always having background noise, the tv, the radio - as that seems to help, but if there are other ways to stop yourself doing it I would be keen to try them. Might look at some of these books people have mentioned. Mindfulness?

It doesn't really prevent me from doing anything in my life these days but in my teens and early twenties I found it much harder to cope with.

pidgy that's exactly the same as my daymare - my dc on a slab These are the onesthat upset me because they linger, even if I try and distract myself. Often make me cry too...

Namechanger I can totally understand your friend's painting/fireplace urge! I haven't had that exact one but very similar ones.

Lots of people have mentioned hot cups of tea/coffee- that's another one
I get. The thought that I could just throw it over the person I'm talking to. Seems to happen more if the person in question is really nice/meek/unassuming.

Thank goodness for Mumsnet. At least by talking about it on here we can recognise that these horrible thoughts/urges seem normal and we're not crazy! :)