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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Imp of the peverse - WARNING some might be odd/distressing to people who don't get this.

197 replies

elfycat · 29/04/2014 20:46

On another thread I mentioned an act that I sort of daydream of. It's not a daydream but rather a little naughty voice/image that will never be acted on. The imp is cousin to the imp of mischief, only a bit more, well, peverse.

For me these include, but are not limited to:

Wondering what it's like to jump of something high

When reaching for a knife and DH is washing up, so I reach around him, I wonder what it would feel like to stab him (he knows this)

How it would feel to punch my 3 year old when she is being a threenager

What it would feel like to cut off your own arm (following on from the film where the rock climber had to) in particular the feeling of going through the elbow joint.

Obviously I am not going to harm myself or anyone in my family. I haven't name changed as I know it not to be a problem and SS do not be called as I am not a danger to anyone.

So anyone else understand why I am not a total nutter? And how are you other imp-sufferers getting on with the naughty one whispering in your ear.

OP posts:
trashcanjunkie · 29/04/2014 21:08

My friend and I both have had the 'swerving into the central reservation whilst driving' thought, that neither of us would ever act upon, or even have a desire to carry out. It just sometimes pops into our heads. "If I just went like this.... We'd all be dead"

I don't worry about those kinds of thoughts, as I don't feel any compulsion behind them. I think that my brain thinks about everything so once in a while it throws up an odd one.

TeamEdward · 29/04/2014 21:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

5madthings · 29/04/2014 21:08

Actually yrs I can relate to this, not hurting a child but the urge to step out upfront if a bus or something or to hurt myself occasionally, like imagining sticking my fingers in the blender or something.

I wouldn't actually do it and it's a fleeting thought. I def had it a lot more when I had post natal psychosis after ds4.

Oh I remember another, poking myself in the eye with a skewer or knitting needle... I have a bit of a phobia about eyes this is not good.

Original poster
elfycat · 29/04/2014 21:09

I have a lovely one of smacking FIL up the back of his head. Heaven knows I'd like to. It started on my wedding day when he threw a full blown strop before we left for the wedding (we all walked together) as I had gatecrashers who were quite welcome.

He was sitting at our table. I imagined the noise his nose would make as it broke.

It's not always linked to depression. I do have an overactive imagination. But if anyone is writing and identifies with this then yes, please get to your GP for help. A friend of mine had them as a symptom of depression and was amazed that I 'got it' without being depressed.

OP posts:
bbcessex · 29/04/2014 21:10

Y

FannyFifer · 29/04/2014 21:10

I think it's quite common to imagine what doing mad or awful stuff would feel like.
I occasionally wonder what it would feel like if I stabbed myself with the knife I was drying.

The imp, voice etc would however be quite worrying to me, what if the suggestions become more persuasive and you do end up acting on them.

I've worked in mental health & what you describe is familiar, intrusive thoughts are quite common with OCD type illnesses and often people describe the "person" suggesting the stuff.

You should go and explain to your GP as if it was me I would be quite worried.

greenwinter · 29/04/2014 21:12

I understand this. Thoughts I have had:

  • Jumping in front of a tube train
  • Driving the car onto oncoming traffic
  • Smashing windows

My dad gets it too. He is scared of heights because he has a compulsion to jump off.

It is not that I actually want to do any of these things, It is simply that I know I can't so kind of want to.

It has nothing to do with intrusive thoughts or depression.

bbcessex · 29/04/2014 21:12

OP.. you are having obsessive thoughts.. its 'common.' But not 'normal'.

Your thread is weird.

iwouldgoouttonight · 29/04/2014 21:12

I have these kinds of thoughts sometimes, often the wondering about stabbing DP with a knife when I'm emptying the dishwasher, and often what it would be like to run someone over when I'm driving. It always tends to be when I'm feeling calm, and I know there is no chance of me acting on them.DP hadn't done anything to annoy me and there is no way i'd want to stab him! Its more of a kind of idle thought, nothing angry or motivated, just oh a knife, wonder what would happen if I picked it up and stabbed DP, then back onto thinking, anyway what shall we have for dinner.

I suffer with depression and anxiety, although its under control with ADs.

StoorieHoose · 29/04/2014 21:13

"impulses to shout at or abuse someone, or attack and violently punish someone, or say something rude, inappropriate, nasty, or violent to someone"

It get this idea in my head at least once a month. . I hate public places and frequently resort to headphones blaring morrissey to bear facing things like the supermarket

greenwinter · 29/04/2014 21:14

It is like sometimes I will walk past a house and want to knock the letterbox and run away. Again I would never do it. Didn't even do this kind of stuff as a kid.

Original poster
elfycat · 29/04/2014 21:16

It's not obsessive, it's from time to time. Obviously on a thread where I'm talking about it I am condensing 30+ years of it.

And once you have a new thought, you keep having it in the same situation.

If you don't have it it will seem odd. If you have them you'll understand that some are extreme and some are mild but all are weird. Weird is the point.

OP posts:
greenwinter · 29/04/2014 21:17

bbc - OP's thoughst are not necessarily obsessive. I think lots of people have these fleeting thoughts.

BrianTheMole · 29/04/2014 21:17

Yes. When driving behind really slow drivers I imagine pressing a button in the car so that two huge cannons drop down either side of my car, and BOOOM!! .... Blowing it right out of my way, a bit like a computer game. Obviously I don't have a car like that, and I wouldn't really do it if I had, but, y'know, it passes the time as I drive slowly on Wink

IWillOnlyEatBeans · 29/04/2014 21:17

I had intrusive thoughts when I had PND. They came in the form of a judge, who closely watched my parenting and then criticised me on it. At the end of every day, they gave me a score out of 10. It was exhausting!

I was actually like this Shock when my lovely therapist pointed out that the only person judging me was me!

(until I came on MN and realised that there are probably loads of people judging me all the time, but luckily I was better by then and didn't care!)

IneedAwittierNickname · 29/04/2014 21:21

Yep, I have similar thoughts.
It's like I'd really like to know what it would feel like to kill someone. Id never ever ever do it though.

There was a programme on telly a while ago, about mental illness. The Dr that was on it talked about his intrusive thoughts. His centered around running over the children crossing the road on his way to school.

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn · 29/04/2014 21:21

I think its down to how they make you feel. OP does not seem remotely distressed about these thoughts. They meaningless and just thoughts that occur when he is calm. I have never had intrusive thoughts to harm anyone, if I did I would look at the context.. Was it when I was angry? Or is it more a fleeting thought ... Or is it anxiety based.

What I am trying to say is I had intrusive thoughts about getting a certain illness and would constantly obsess over my thoughts on it. It was like OCD. I also had it about stairs. It really upset me so I got help and did a bit of cbt.

NinetyNinePercentTroll · 29/04/2014 21:22

Most people I know get them in various forms, I call them "Central Reservation Moments" because generally they happen when I'm in the car a fleeting "I wonder what would happen if I just drove into the central barrier" will pop into my head. It is gone as soon as it arrives and I wouldn't act on it. I don't suffer from depression and nor do the people I have spoken to about it conversationally (a lot of whom are HCP's).

SolidGoldBrass · 29/04/2014 21:22

Yes. I think I possibly have some form of OCD as have other... quirks but am not dangerous.

bbcessex · 29/04/2014 21:24

greenwinter ... I understand the fleeting aspect... I don't believe posting a thread.about it makes it fleeting.

I DO think however that thoughts like these are part of depression, anxiety or.OCD and should be treated and not normalised

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn · 29/04/2014 21:26

I think all the dramatic talk surrounding mh helps no one!

The op has clearly stated she is ok. Others may need professional help in the form of meds or counselling. most people who have intrusive thoughts are not dangerous! Hence why the thoughts are intrusive.

greenwinter · 29/04/2014 21:26

99%Troll - Yes that is eaxctly how I feel about mine. They are fleeting moments. They don't upset me and I don't think about them after the fleeting moment.

Anyone I have ever spoken to about this says they have them too.

ENormaSnob · 29/04/2014 21:26

I have similar thoughts.

Worse post dc4, pnd, anxiety and ocd.

Ruushii · 29/04/2014 21:26

Thoughts like this can be part of depression, anxiety etc. It doesn't mean they are.

Thistledew · 29/04/2014 21:28

Yes, I get thoughts like that too. Driving into a central reservation, stabbing someone, jumping off a tall building, stepping in front of a train, driving into people on a pedestrian crossing, saying something completely inappropriate at work. I do have a tendency for 'catastrophizing' - daydreaming about fraught or dangerous situations and how I would solve them, so I think it is just an extension of that. I seem to do it most when I have something that is slightly bothering or worrying me - dreaming about something far worse gives me a slight burst of adrenaline, but is not as hard work as tacking the real problem head on. I think that I am also fascinated by how easy these things would be to do- how easy it would be to completely press the self-destruct button on your life and change everything for ever.

I am quite happy that I would never do any of them though. The only one that proves hardest to resist is the urge to drop my car or door keys down a drain. It would be something that would be awkward to solve, but ultimately pretty harmless. If I park anywhere near a drain I start off with the thought - "don't drop your keys" and then I have to really hold on to them not to drop them on purpose.