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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Imp of the peverse - WARNING some might be odd/distressing to people who don't get this.

197 replies

elfycat · 29/04/2014 20:46

On another thread I mentioned an act that I sort of daydream of. It's not a daydream but rather a little naughty voice/image that will never be acted on. The imp is cousin to the imp of mischief, only a bit more, well, peverse.

For me these include, but are not limited to:

Wondering what it's like to jump of something high

When reaching for a knife and DH is washing up, so I reach around him, I wonder what it would feel like to stab him (he knows this)

How it would feel to punch my 3 year old when she is being a threenager

What it would feel like to cut off your own arm (following on from the film where the rock climber had to) in particular the feeling of going through the elbow joint.

Obviously I am not going to harm myself or anyone in my family. I haven't name changed as I know it not to be a problem and SS do not be called as I am not a danger to anyone.

So anyone else understand why I am not a total nutter? And how are you other imp-sufferers getting on with the naughty one whispering in your ear.

OP posts:
Dieu · 29/04/2014 23:30

I'm pretty sure this is OCD related ... and no, I absolutely do not believe that you are mad or will act on these thoughts!
ps I'm guessing you've read 'The Imp of the Mind' by Lee Baer, and this is what has inspired your thread title!

cafecito · 29/04/2014 23:36

I'm imp suffering too, MN provided the diagnostic name for it a while ago for me - I was really worried before then!

Morloth · 29/04/2014 23:38

Same thing with heights here, the urge to just leap can be strong.

Stop signs as well, I always have the thought that maybe I should just accelerate.

And I actually find imagining being very very violent to someone who is pissing me off calms me immediately.

I don't have depression or ODC or anxiety.

Just every now and again I like to imagine punching people in the face.

kali110 · 29/04/2014 23:40

Yes i have these. I first suffered over a decade ago at 17.One horrible thought that got me so depressed. Medication helped. Been so stressed and anxious my ocd got bad i started feeling guilty about them and then i started having them again.
I never knew there was a name for them.
I thought i was mad or just turning into a sick horrible person.
Im having cbt. My therapist says its very normal.
When we pay attention to a thought it can make it seem real so it wont go away. The people who get scared by the thoughts are very unlikely to act on them.
My intrusive thoughts seem to be related to anxiety and ocd.
It should be normalised. I felt so alone i wanted to kill myself. I thought everyone would be better off. If i knew that others also suffered i wouldn't have felt so scared.

Original poster
elfycat · 29/04/2014 23:43

No I haven't read that Dieu

I googled it a while back while trying to explain it to someone. I sort of tend to be oddly-normal and so figure anything I do will tend to be.

I'm imaginative and write, mainly fantasy but I did the OU creative writing modules and found I like all sorts of genres. I guess when you write you allow a range of thoughts to run through your head.

I crochet and knit and find I enjoy the time to let my head run with ideas and plots. Sometimes I'm torn between crafting and writing.

I might be a bit high functioning, and I don't mean that boastfully. I'm one of those people who could remember every episode of Star Trek including title, plot and actor's names, including the bit characters. I've let that go now but I didn't go out to learn it. I just sort of absorbed it as I watched. Of course I can only do that with Star Trek and not with the Shakespeare I have an exam on soon...

OP posts:
musicalendorphins2 · 29/04/2014 23:50

:O
I cannot believe what I am reading. It took me years to stop my anxieties and fears...now I know a lot of people really are having sick violent thoughts.
I despair.

Morloth · 29/04/2014 23:55

Why do you despair?

It is probably a leftover from evolution, only a problem if they start to trouble you or you act on them.

They don't trouble me and I have impulse control so am unlikely to ever act on them.

Original poster
elfycat · 29/04/2014 23:57

No, we're having normal thoughts in the spectrum that is 'normal'.

We are not psychopaths or sociopaths. Some of us suffer from MH issues, but then the stats on that suggests that a lot of people will.

Don't despair. We are what makes up the rich tapestry of life.

OP posts:
kali110 · 30/04/2014 00:04

U despair? How do you think the people who are having them feel? nobody here will act on them. I think everyone on here is very brave for admitting they have these intrusive thoughts.
The mind can be a bastard at times!

musicalendorphins2 · 30/04/2014 00:05

It scares me. Because who is to say they are not one of the people who will act on the urge? I am going to hide the thread as it is too much for me.

Morloth · 30/04/2014 00:08

I did go bungee jumping, the feeling of stepping off the platform was sublime.

The only time anything like this bothers me is when I see the 'movie' when it comes to my kids having accidents or whatever - but then I suspect this isn't the same sort of thing but rather the way I process 'risk'.

kali110 · 30/04/2014 00:10

You say you suffer from anxiety which is a mental health problem. So are intrusive thoughts. You would think that you would have a bit of sympathy.
People who have these are less likely to act on them because they get distressed by them, which in turn makes them get them more.

FanFuckingTastic · 30/04/2014 00:10

They are absolutely normal thoughts, that everyone has. They can become OCD type thoughts on occasion, which I've had and medicated. But I used to have urges to throw DS down the stairs when standing at the top, or just punch my DP when he was nagging, or grabbing the steering wheel in the car. They were distressing until I realised how widespread and normal they were. I get treatment for my depression and anxiety, and the OCD aspect has practically disappeared. I still have them a few times, but I just tell my brain to stop being stupid now.

Morloth · 30/04/2014 00:11

Well obviously the vast majority of people don't act on the urges as we don't live in total anarchy.

It is almost certainly a leftover from being 'animals' who don't think or plan ahead.

Does it matter that I don't punch someone in the face because I will get in trouble for it, rather than for thinking it is 'wrong'.

The end result is the same, the person doesn't get punched in the face and my life goes on.

FanFuckingTastic · 30/04/2014 00:12

My mum could explain this form of thinking in medical terms so you'd understand how not horrific they are musicalendorphins. She's a mental health professional, she has these thoughts too.

Caitlin17 · 30/04/2014 00:13

Oh dear musical no one was posting on here to try to upset anyone. However I'm pretty sure that having ridiculous obtrusive thoughts is quite normal.

Kali I don't think anyone was being "brave".I think most of us were just posting to let OP know it's not abnormal.

Original poster
elfycat · 30/04/2014 00:14

But I process risk in the same way Morloth and run through scenarios.

I always note the fire escapes, cinemas are the classic. DH and I know which child we will grab in a true emergency. One of the things this preplanning has done is to make us realise that in an emergency we ONLY grab the kids, not coats or bags or anything that could be replaced. It will never happen but hopefully we can shave a few seconds off the escape time.

DF asked me how I would get out of the bedroom when they moved house. I quickly identified something that would break the glass and then looked out the window to see footholds etc. DF then asked me to reach under the windowsill. For the small axe he'd secured there. Must run in the family.

Now I wonder if he wanted to push me as I looked out the window. I'll ask next time I visit.

OP posts:
Morloth · 30/04/2014 00:15

I don't find them distressing, more interesting and neither do I feel 'brave' for talking about them.

cafecito · 30/04/2014 00:16

yes I think that response was rather uncalled for - don't like, don't click.. etc..

anyway - if it makes you feel better from your hidden thread, many people will only have thoughts about harming themselves (does that help?> ) maybe not. Me for example- jumping in front or or off of things. I never have intrusive thoughts to harm anyone else or do anything else that could affect someone. I think these thoughts are quite common.

kali110 · 30/04/2014 00:17

Maybe there should be some form of campaign for hidden illness? Or a bigger campaign for mental illnesses? I may have got counselling years ago to deal with my anxiety rather than bottle it all up jf i had none how common it was.
I should have known i had some form of ocd really, takes me ages to leave the house as i have to check everything is off and locked!

Morloth · 30/04/2014 00:17

We sound very similar elfycat.

I always have a plan.

Has come in handy more than once.

kali110 · 30/04/2014 00:22

I think its brave as some may find it hard to admit to having these. I know i do. Bar my therapist iv never been able to talk to anyone about it, but im sorry if iv offended anyone by saying that.

Morloth · 30/04/2014 00:28

Nah not offensive, but it might actually help you to know that lots of people have these thoughts and that they are not distressed by them, so maybe you don't need to be either because it is pretty 'normal' (whatever normal means anyway Grin)

Original poster
elfycat · 30/04/2014 00:28

It's not brave for me to say about mine, but I understand that it is for you. I can't imagine you've offended anyone.

There seem to be 2 camps and some of us haven't had worries or issues and we're fairly anonymous here so are not being particularly brave. Others have issues with their impulsive thoughts, or have never shared this, and are therefore brave.

OP posts:
juneybean · 30/04/2014 00:35

Ohhh I get this whenever I have a cup of coffee in my hand I always want to throw it at something...

Or there's the overwhelming urge to say twat or cunt at work :/