AIBU in asking can she go elsewhere

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I feel bad in that I would like my friend to leave our house now. Few months ago she was admitted to mental health ward. Previous to this she would turn up at my house numerous times with the police bringing her here in a state. Issues with dp and their children,social services involvement. In short she has problems with alcohol and other addictions and has mental health issues. As do I and I'm on meds at the moment. Whilst going through my own personal issues.
We have been friends for years but lost touch I. The past 6/7 years only waving at each other in passing. She has now been released from hospital and asked me if she could stay here for a couple of days as she is homeless. That was fine with me as I wouldn't want to see anybody out on the street. We are now three weeks in and she is still here on the sofa. Arguing with her family,partner, shouting, crying on the phone and falling into a heap on the floor. This is a regular occurance morning and through the evening. Talking to other patients who tell her they are going to kill themselves, then going into hysterics at me telling me and what should she do.I have a ds who now stays up in his room to avoid this and it's not fair on him as he shouldn't have to see this. It is changing our relationship as I don't spend anytime with him because of supporting her. I must sound like a shallow friend but I am finding it draining,AIBU in asking her if she could find somewhere else to go. Please don't flame me just want some advice

Do you rent? Are you violating your tenancy? If not, can you use that as an excuse? You need to step back and make her move out for your sons same.

Good luck

Why would you prioritise this person over your son. You owe her nothing and are doing her no favours at all.

Tell her you cannot continue with this arrangement. If you lived alone that would be another matter but this is an awful situation for your child to be living through, and you too.

You were trying to be a good friend but it's time for her to go. Even the suggestion that you talk to her SW isn't really fair on you - it's not your responsibility.

Tell her she can't stay and you are sorry but you have no choice. Good luck OP.

I am not with abusive exp anymore but in a situation with police and other protective measures. I suffer from depression and increased anxiety and have suffered a few horrible panic attacks resulting in ambulance call outs. I'm trying very hard to hold it altogether at the moment and this situation is an added pressure. Also attending court hearings which are very stressful. She never asks about this or how I am! It's all about her.
Yes I do rent my property and possibly could be in breach!
Her waking up and banging around this morning nearly made me press my panic alarm to the police as I forgot it was her downstairs and I thought somebody was trying to get into the house, as I am a nervous wreck with the dv situation going on.
I'm going to have a talk with her later.

Good for you. It needs to be a "tell" rather than a "talk" though. Get clear about what you want and by when, and what the consequences will be otherwise.

You have loads on your plate but this is a time to be clear and strong. Perhaps you don't feel you deserve to assert yourself with all you've been through - you do, you have a right to a safe home and she is denying your family that.

Good stuff OP, hope its all going ok.
I agree with Devon though, it needs to be a "tell" not a "talk". You and your wee boy deserve a safe place to live.

Have you posted about her before? I recall a similar situation and was worried it would end up like this.

As hard as it is, you need to be assertive and put your family first. She is involved with services; they will help her. She needs the type of help you cannot give.

All the best of luck. Be kind to yourself, you've not exactly had it easy yourself.

Oh my goodness OP, you have been putting her addiction before your own son. Time to change that. You must tell her to leave. If she won't go, call the police.

You sound an absolutely lovely woman but you are being far too kind.
You need to put your son, yourself and your own recovery FIRST

I used to be a Homelessness Officer for a local authority and the first question we used to ask people presenting as 'homeless tonight' was 'where did you sleep last night?'
If we got the answer 'friend's sofa' we would immediately be on the phone telling them they had tort their friend stay for just a little while longer.
Send her to the council offices, tell her to tell them she's homeless tonight. And stuck to your guns about saying No More.

• to let Sorry

I didn't intentionally put her addiction before my ds just thought she would be gone in a couple of days. Like I said I'm trying to cope with my personal issues and she has caught me at a weak moment.
Tonight she has been having a massive shouting match with her dp on the phone, me and ds went upstairs, I can feel myself losing my temper!

I know you didn't, OP you had good intentions but it's time now to stop. Now that you realise how badly your ds is being affected you have a good incentive to tell her to leave.

She will say next week, or even tomorrow, and keep putting it off so you need a plan of action. Tell her today that tomorrow night she will not be staying at your house so she needs to get onto the agencies involve tomorrow and make other arrangements.

Good! Lose it! You need to get her out. Your son has been through enough already. He needs his home back.

By helping your friend, you're failing to safeguard your son. You already have agency involvement. This won't be doing you any favours. You need to get rid of her tonight before your son is harmed further psychologically.

OP, you've been posting on here for 8 hours but you don't seem to have contacted social services or the hospital. Could I ask why not? It would be much, much easier to get your friend out if she's got somewhere to go to.

I haven't contacted SS as because I am in the middle of a court process this could have repercussions for me,Same as if I called the hospital they would ask for my name. As far as I know she hasn't told these people where or whom she is staying with, just that she on various sofas. I didn't foresee her being here so long at all.
Of course my ds has to come first in safeguarding I realise this and I know it looks on the thread that I am failing him.But she has put me in a position, and she is being selfish and should just bloody go! I'm close to tears, drained and bloody pissed off that she is taking the piss out of me.

You have to deal with this.

There is no way her staying with you ends well for your boy.

I get that you were being kind but she is taking advantage of that.

You have to toughen up, there is no other choice now.

Get your DS out of the house before you tell her she has to go because there will almost certainly be a scene and he doesn't need to be involved in that.

Can someone else tell her for you? Or at least be there with you?
I agree ds should not witness anything.

Just tell her the truth - that it's not fair on ds and it's making him nervous and unhappy. Tell her it's unfair for him to overhear and witness her difficulties even though you sympathise with her. Also you are frightened of being found out that you are breaking your tenancy agreement. You don't need to mention your own feelings at all. Don't get drawn into any other reasons.
Broken record technique- it isn't fair on ds and you are frightened of being thrown out if your home. Over and over again.

Of course she is selfish, that is the nature of addiction.

OP in your vulnerable state, you have unfortunately enabled her and caused yourself a load of grief.

She would of been offered a resettlement package, on finding out that she would be fit for discharge.

She hasn't wanted to go where she was offered, probably because she couldn't drink and have screaming matches etc with people.

Also, being in a hiatal means that she would be observed by professionals, still, which many don't want.

So they find "friends" to stay with, or go onto the streets.

If she contacts her SW/CPN, she will be found accommodation, she won't want this, but it is in her interests.

OP as good as your intentions are, you haven't done anyone any favours, here.

Don't mean to sound harsh OP, but you are too passive. Your 'friend' won't go willingly, you have to make her go.

She hadn't mentioned a resettlement package on her discharge. Just that she told them that she had somewhere to go. After day two I did start to wonder how the hospital could of possibly discharged her with no secure accommodation in place for her. All she says in that she is homeless, She has been manipulating me for her own means, leading me a merry dance like I'm an idiot.
None of her family will have her as they have refused too and her other friends have deserted her.
I wouldn't do it when my ds is here that's why I left it for tonight, not fair on him. So when he is at school tomorrow I will ask her to find somewhere else.

I am passive and shy away from confrontation having been in two abusive relationships I tend to be quiete. I'm trying to keep myself from not getting stressed and under more pressure keeping my anxiety in some form of control.Last few months have been really challenging for us in terms of safety for our lives and have been advised to move. Sorry don't mean to come across as wimpy but have a lot on my head at the moment.

If it comes to it, lock her out. Seriously. Look after yourself and your son.