Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to start escorting?

191 replies

Rocknahardplace · 28/04/2014 23:09

I don't know what else to do :(

Lost my job instead of being made full time as expected. Savings are gone after being part time for almost a year, can survive at most another month's rent.

I live in shared accom with two flatmates, have no partner, no family who can help me. I have a life limiting condition which rules out a few things like bar work (cannot stand for long times due to nerve damage) but refused dla/pip. It;s just me on my own and I'm sinking. At least if I escort and bank a few hundred pounds it might keep a roof over my head and a bit of food on the table for longer.

So upset and heartbroken my life has turned out like this but I don't know what to do. Escorting so I don't lose my home, a permanent address from which to keep applying to jobs seems like the only option. I wouldn't survive in a hostel and would probably have all my things stolen.

OP posts:
nomorequotes · 29/04/2014 01:56

Well to be fair the rents are ridiculous in London. I don't think there is any need to tell some to 'get away to fuck' as far as I can see, nobody has been rude to you. Concerned for you and the decision you seem to have already made but not rude

FunnyFoot · 29/04/2014 01:57

consider me 'away to fuck'

But before I go.

You so flippantly considered giving up your body. It is the one thing a person truly owns so a passing whim or difficult circumstance should never warrant that thought.

Pious? Never mentioned religion. Least religious person I know me.
Nor was it an insincere thought. You do make the choices and decisions in your life. The second you lose that or give it to someone else you will be the looser.

If you want it be prepared to fight for it or compromise to get it. It is not the easiest path but fuck it, it is the one you reached by yourself.

Caitlin17 · 29/04/2014 02:00

We don't know what your industry is. You are swinging between telling us there aren't jobs and that there are and you're getting interviews. Surely in the short term you could do something like supermarket cashier to tide you over?

Rocknahardplace · 29/04/2014 02:09

Funnyfoot again you show your breathtaking misunderstanding. I did not consider selling my body on a whim. I considered when faced with the very rea prospect of homelessness, lack of food and all that goes along with incredible poverty.

Neither do you seem to grasp that choices do not exist in a vacuum. You have no idea of the circumstances and life experiences I have had that mean when in severe trouble I wonder if I could prostitue myself for a short while for long term security.

It is not a simple issue of just making good choices. A person needs to be adequately emotionally, practically and mentally resourced to make good, healthy choices.

OP posts:
FunnyFoot · 29/04/2014 02:11

They do.

However given the vast resources out there is prostitution your first call or you last?

Rocknahardplace · 29/04/2014 02:12

Caitlin I'm not 'swinging between' telling you stuff. I have done one interview each week the last three weeks but no joy. Yet. Something will work out in the next few months if I can figure out how to survive until it does. There are jobs in London, very few outside of it.

OP posts:
nomorequotes · 29/04/2014 02:13

Have you thought about maybe finding a job that provides accomodation? Quite often you can find various work within establishments that have housing attached? Might solve both problems?

Rocknahardplace · 29/04/2014 02:17

No, I'm not well resourced emotionally. I have mental health issues stemming from reactive depression after my mum died.

I don't know what other resources are out there that you're talking about? Like I said, I'm going to try applying for telesales. And some other kind person on this thread alerted me to the top up housing payment which I can check out.

OP posts:
GarlicAprilShowers · 29/04/2014 02:19

Have a word with your landlord. He might, just possibly, give you a rent holiday or reduce your rent.

Sign on immediately, fgs! Then you can get housing benefit and possibly reductions on some things you pay for (though I know concessions are falling by the wayside all the time.) Join Fightback on Facebook; they will help you get an ESA application right, that's a bit more money than JSA. They will also help you with PIP.

Also use every single contact in your book, and your friends', to see if you can pick up any freelance work or short-term contracts. You must do ALL these things at once, not try to second-guess future outcomes.

One future outcome of going on the game - if you even survived it without a massive health decline - would be the way it discolours your view of men, possibly for life. You're only in your twenties, do you really want to stop believing there are decent men you can treat as equals?

Rocknahardplace · 29/04/2014 02:24

GarlicAprilShowers - thank you, more great suggestions. I also think you hit the nail on the head about what my problem is - when going for interview I dedicate myself to it and the preparation too much and then if I dont get it another week has ticked by when really I still need to be relentlessly applying for other stuff simultaneously. Thank you.

OP posts:
nomorequotes · 29/04/2014 02:27

So are you going to shelve the escort idea for now?

FunnyFoot · 29/04/2014 02:41

OP you now have choices you didn't know about before starting this thread. Smile

I am not been flippant. I am just saying choices are always there you just need to look for them.

If you are without income then JSA is an option.
Housing benefit is an option so you do not need to lose your home. especially if you are on benefits.
If you have mental health issues then your GP/mental health team can help.
If it affects your ability to work ESA is an option.
If you are unintentionally homeless then the LA must house you. It is their duty of care. Redundancy falls under this.

www.turn2us.org.uk/

Just believe you have to look after yourself. Nobody else will.

spatchcock · 29/04/2014 04:37

There are live in hotel/waitressing jobs available, as nomorequotes said. Google 'Dee Cooper'. She can find live in work around the country. OK, it's not glamorous but it's money.

parentalunit · 29/04/2014 05:18

Can you share your resume (generally) with us so that we can offer constructive advice?

In the short term, www.tntjobs.co.uk/ has some low-paying jobs which would at least see you through to the end of the month. Also www.quintessentiallypeople.com/ has some interesting niche jobs which have slightly better pay.

Ask the agencies which skills are in demand. e.g. if it's typing, practice so that they can advertise you at a higher rate. Quite a few agencies help their candidates to improve skills.

You mention acting skills. Register with extras agencies, it's usually cash in hand and who knows you might make some good contacts (dreaming...!). There are other things like posing for a life drawing class, it isn't exactly a career, but it's cash.

For the long term, this isn't a solution. Given that your two degrees haven't allowed you to start a career, it may be time to rethink things. It generally gets more difficult to get on a career ladder as you get older. Now is the time to get your life back on track.

Once you are able to pay your bills, study for a professional qualification. They almost guarantee employment above subsistence level.

Well that was longer than I intended. Hope it helps?

LibraryMum8 · 29/04/2014 05:25

Do you have a food bank near you? Could you call parishes and ask them when they run them? Our church runs one and it's run more like a grocery where you can select what you want (and not pay of course). We ask no questions, you do not have to belong to that parish or any religion at all for that matter.

I know they also provide (though don't advertise) emergency food if the bank isn't open that day. Please Please check into getting some free food. I am in the States but our church is Episcopal (American equivalent of Anglican) so maybe yours would be run the same way.

Good luck to you.

LibraryMum8 · 29/04/2014 05:33

Just Googled London Food Banks and a whole page of websites came up. The first one, the Trussel Trust had a place you could insert your postal code and would list the one closest to you. That would be my absolute first move. You will be in such a better state to think clearly when you aren't hungry.

uselessidiot · 29/04/2014 06:08

Please stop being hard on OP. She's been made redundant, she's stressed about paying bills, terrified of homelessness and can't afford to eat properly. Hardly conducive to clear thought.

OP, I can understand why you feel so desperate but as someone else pointed out it would put your health at risk. Please try and consider some of the suggestions.

ImAThrillseekerBunny · 29/04/2014 06:38

Food banks normally require referrals from GP/Social Worker etc.

MsAspreyDiamonds · 29/04/2014 06:46

Sorry to hear about your situation OP, I hope you follow through some of the options suggested above.
Good to hear that you are not going to go through with escorting as I would be concerned about the safety aspect.

Universities & NHS often use this temping agency to fill the busy summer admin period coming up. Its worth contacting them to see what they have for temp jobs until something permanent comes up.

Good luck

www.brookstreet.co.uk/

Exvicegirlbutnotdirty · 29/04/2014 06:55

Okay, I have obviously namechanged for this. I will add the disclaimer that I don't think you should be an escort OP. You sound as if you hate the idea Flowers and no one who hates the idea should do it.

Strangely though it sound like you with no family support. Once, just before Christmas, I went to get some cash out of the bank and my card was swallowed. I had NOTHING - and no friends to ask (was v v v isolated at the time.) I was working, but transport costs and mortgage/bills meant everything came out as soon as it went in. I was often hungry.

I completely panicked and I ended up on the streets in a red light district. I slept with two men that night and gave one a blow job for £10. I 'earned' £90 overall but I did hate that because it was frightening and dark and depressing. But it did give me the idea I could have sex for money.

Firstly, with an agency, it is safe. Sorry, but it is. Most agencies give you a 'driver' who drops you off and he waits outside. Mine was built like a brick shit house. Plus they have the mans number and address. If it's somewhere else like a hotel then that is different but you're out within the hour and my agency would send the driver in if they hadn't heard from me within 5 mins of getting in and if I wasn't out 10 mins after the hour was up.

Some people find the idea of selling their body abhorrent but I never did. My life became so much better when I started working for the agency.

I only once had an unpleasant experience and that was with a crowd of drunk boys who ordered 2 escorts and then slept with me and another girl and were horrible to us. Even that though wasn't anything too bad, we just told the agency and that address was blacklisted. The men I met were overwhelmingly so kind, polite and respectful.

You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, it sounds grim but agencies have a list of who will do what. 'A' levels (a different term for the exams!) are rare and girls who offer it can charge extra but I never did. I also wouldn't do 3somes with two men but I would with a man and a woman. Stuff out of the ordinary doesn't get asked for much to be honest, occasionally you get a request for a certain colour underwear or can she wear high heels but that's pretty much it. In my experience it's pretty mainstream.

What is knackering are the hours. I would start at 8 on an evening and you'd get usually one at 9 and then interspersed throughout the evening, trying to be sexy and alluring at 4 in the morning when you just want to sleep and you've already had sex with 3 men is hard! I worked in London but the agency sent me all over the Home Counties as well as inner London. I used to sleep a bit in the car.

I got £50 per man, quite a lot of the time they didn't actually want full penetrative sex but seemed to prefer oral. So I would usually earn between £150-£300 per night. Week nights were obviously quieter and that was nicer in a way as I got a bit more sleep!

That was how I found it but my experience won't cover everybody's. I don't honestly regret it and I don't think I am dirty either! I always used condoms and have never even had a pregnancy scare but it's a good idea to keep having regular sexual health checks.

UtterFool · 29/04/2014 06:55

OP, so glad to hear you've ditched the idea to go escorting.

You are clearly an intelligent person so should be able to find something. Can I ask what your two degrees are in and what sort of thing you're looking for?

PrimalLass · 29/04/2014 06:57

Hope you are ok.

You mentioned portfolio. Have you tried looking on sites like peopleperhour and elance for bits of freelance work?

qazxc · 29/04/2014 08:28

You say you have a good relationship with landlord, talk to him about your situation. He might prefer to temporarily lower your rent or be willing to wait for some of it rather than risk losing a good tenant.
Small ads in local shops, for cleaning,ironing, babysitting, dog walking, etc... anything that you are physically able to do and will bring a bit of extra cash.
Look into food banks, local charities. Are you a member of a church? A lot of churches will help out parishoners in dire need but don't advertise the fact, or they might be able to point you in the direction of help/small jobs.
Do not count yourself out of jobs because of your disability, you said you couldn't try Mc Donalds because of the standing but if you are honest about what you can and can't do they might have positions that don't require that or can adapt to your abilities.

WooWooo · 29/04/2014 08:36

Car phone warehousecall centre in Acton just took on a friend of mine. Not sales. Worth a go? Have you tried any temping recruitment agencies? Loads of admin or receptionist roles in London.

I have been jobless in London too. I always got a job eventually. I did a month in Thomson directories once just to cover rent in a houseshare.

Ask for a hardship fund and visit your local foodbank before selling yout body

EBearhug · 29/04/2014 08:43

When you have had interviews, have you asked for feedback afterwards, to see if there are things you can improve on?

When I was last unemployed, I temped in a call centre until I got a job back in my usual field. If you've got two degrees, you could do office admin, data entry, that sort of thing, as you must have some IT skills, word processing and so on.