Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want dh to come home from work for lunch?

162 replies

Cleohatra · 28/04/2014 12:24

Dh has his lunch break from 1-2 and as we're moving 5 mins away next month he's planning to come home for lunch every day. We have three dc aged 6, 4, 2 and I'm pregnant with dc4. Dc3 sleeps from 12.30-2.30 and always has despite me trying to change it. Dc3 is high needs and an extremely light sleeper and there's no way at all dh would be able to come home and make lunch etc without waking her, thus leaving me with with a grumpy toddler for the rest of the day.

Once dc4 is born it'll make it a lot more difficult to deal with all the children if dc3 is overtired. I also think it'll be annoying if I've just got baby to sleep or toddler doing something without me and he walks in and disrupts it, particularly because he can then get called back to work. He is also likely to make himself lunch and leave it for me to tidy up. He also plans to 'pop back' for a 'kiss and cuppa' a few times per day and I just think I'll feel uncomfortable with the prospect of him dropping in at any point and would rather just get on with our day and see him in the evening.

However, I know it'll be his home too and feel I have no right to say he can't come home whenever he likes but aibu to find it rather annoying?

OP posts:
bberry · 28/04/2014 12:26

why dont you just tell him what you have stated here - surely he understands?

if not i would suggest he spends a week at home on his own all day with the dc's and then he will!

AnyFucker · 28/04/2014 12:26

That would bug me too

LaurieFairyCake · 28/04/2014 12:27

Wouldn't he help at lunchtime?

If not, why the fuck are you with him?

lacktoastandtolerant · 28/04/2014 12:27

He can't go away for a couple of days but nor can he come home when he wants to?

AnyFucker · 28/04/2014 12:28

I would imagine him popping in for a short period in the middle of the day will disrupt the kids routine. It seems a nice idea in principle that he wants to reconnect but to me, work time is work time and home time is home time.

Pootles2010 · 28/04/2014 12:32

I think you're being quite mean tbh!

Although I don't know what your dc3's needs are, I can't imagine how you manage with a child who is that light a sleeper being asleep for 2 hours? Do you literally tip toe around her?

I wouldn't stand for him making a mess then leaving it for you to clear up, but that's not to do with him coming home tbh.

googoodolly · 28/04/2014 12:33

YANBU, this would annoy me too.

It's nice that he wants to come home and see you, but if DP did this on my days off it would drive me nuts.

HandragsNGladbags · 28/04/2014 12:35

What sort of job does he have where he can pop out several times a day for a cuppa? Confused

I have a really flexible job but there are limits!

Tess999 · 28/04/2014 12:35

it would drive me mad too BUT it is his home and family too, you can't tell him.
When he starts his new job and does come home, make sure you start how you mean to continue
don't make him lunch
ask him to do stuff, feed DC, etc... put a wash on, load the dishwasher, change a nappy etc...
he'll soon start staying at work! He has a romantic notion of how nice it will be to pop by. i am sure his boss won't be having him pop home for a "kiss and a cuppa" numerous times a day, even if 5 minutes away that means he's gone from work for at least 15-20 minutes !?

Original poster
Cleohatra · 28/04/2014 12:36

The 2 year old is extremely clingy to me so would be freaked out by him suddenly appearing. The four year old would love to see him but then be upset when he leaves again. I agree AF - home time is home time. Laurie there'd be no point counting on him to help because I wouldn't know if he was or wasn't coming back until he actually did. Then his priority would be getting himself lunch in case he gets called back. I'd rather just have routine and find my own ways to cope than have him dip in and out which I think would be more of a hindrance.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 28/04/2014 12:36

I couldn't bear it!

Home was my 'work' and I didn't want to be interrupted just because it suited someone else.

And if you're having time 'off' with friends or family round it will annoy.

He's not even asked you what you think!

SaveTheMockingBird · 28/04/2014 12:39

YANBU this would bug me too. Although I can't imagine why he would be waking up your DC3, can you not do anything in those two hours? What about the elder DCs making noise...does that not wake up DC3?

Original poster
Cleohatra · 28/04/2014 12:39

Pootles I work from home so I literally sit still on the laptop for two hours, therefore making no noise.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cleohatra · 28/04/2014 12:41

Four year old has his funded hours at nursery from 12-3, other dc are at school.

OP posts:
Quinteszilla · 28/04/2014 12:41

Well, use it as your time to go out and do errands, as he is home with the kids. A couple of weeks of that, I am sure he will think again.

Aside from that, is he usually checking up on you and keeping tab on every move you make?

50KnockingonabiT · 28/04/2014 12:42

I wouldn't like it.

DH is around on a Thursday and Friday, I get nothing done and he's in the way:D

Lilaclily · 28/04/2014 12:45

Tbh I wouldn't move house
Wait until they're all at school then move & he can come home
You'll hopefully be out at work when he does

Original poster
Cleohatra · 28/04/2014 12:47

I can't leave Quinteszilla because he could get called back. He doesn't check up on me, no. I think he has an idealistic picture of him swooping in, us all fawning over him then tootling off back to work with us all waving cheerily. Realistically it'd just really irritate me because it'd disrupt everything.

OP posts:
hotcrosshunny · 28/04/2014 12:49

YABU

You could do something about the light sleeper? What happens if the baby wakes her up? Can you use white noise to block out background noise and have double blackout blinds? This helps massively!

I would love it if I was at home and DH did this. I'd get him to make lunch.

hotcrosshunny · 28/04/2014 12:50

The 2 year old would cope surely seeing their dad? Come on!

technosausage · 28/04/2014 12:58

Why would your 2 year old "freak out" about their dad being home?
My dp comes home for lunch, makes me some lunch too then puts ds (20 months) down for his nap.
You also said that your 4 year old would be upset about him leaving, then you said that there at nursery from 12-3. So wouldn't your 4 year old not be there anyway?
Sort your toddlers sleep out not your dh.

TessOfTheFurbyvilles · 28/04/2014 13:05

Sorry, but in my eyes, YABVU.

It's his home too for Pete's sake.

I can't imagine ever telling my DH he isn't welcome in OUR home, at any point during the day, and if I ever did feel like that, I'd be thoroughly ashamed of myself.

Original poster
Cleohatra · 28/04/2014 13:07

Nursery funding is term time only. My toddler has additional needs, if I could've changed the sleep by nowthen I would've. hotcross her needs means change upsets her. She thrives on routine and stability

OP posts:
Original poster
Cleohatra · 28/04/2014 13:10

Tess I've already said I'm not going to tell him he can't. But if roles were reversed and I knew it'd be disruptive to their day, I'd leave them to it. If he's caring for the dc me popping in then leaving ten mins later would leave them upset, so I'd avoid it. He knows it'll cause difficulties but will do it anyway.

OP posts:
TessOfTheFurbyvilles · 28/04/2014 13:12

One of my friends has a husband serving in the armed forces, she hasn't seen him for four months, she'd give anything for him to be able to drop in for lunch every day!

Swipe left for the next trending thread