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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want dh to come home from work for lunch?

162 replies

Cleohatra · 28/04/2014 12:24

Dh has his lunch break from 1-2 and as we're moving 5 mins away next month he's planning to come home for lunch every day. We have three dc aged 6, 4, 2 and I'm pregnant with dc4. Dc3 sleeps from 12.30-2.30 and always has despite me trying to change it. Dc3 is high needs and an extremely light sleeper and there's no way at all dh would be able to come home and make lunch etc without waking her, thus leaving me with with a grumpy toddler for the rest of the day.

Once dc4 is born it'll make it a lot more difficult to deal with all the children if dc3 is overtired. I also think it'll be annoying if I've just got baby to sleep or toddler doing something without me and he walks in and disrupts it, particularly because he can then get called back to work. He is also likely to make himself lunch and leave it for me to tidy up. He also plans to 'pop back' for a 'kiss and cuppa' a few times per day and I just think I'll feel uncomfortable with the prospect of him dropping in at any point and would rather just get on with our day and see him in the evening.

However, I know it'll be his home too and feel I have no right to say he can't come home whenever he likes but aibu to find it rather annoying?

OP posts:

SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed · 28/04/2014 16:37

I'd be pretty unhappy if DH told me I could only come home at certain times.

HaroldLloyd · 28/04/2014 16:40

What a bizarre post happy mummy.

whitepuddingsupper · 28/04/2014 16:43

I'm on the fence a bit, when DD was a baby DH worked near enough to come home for lunch and it worked for us, although I did ask him to change the timing of his lunch break slightly to give me time to feed her and then get lunch ready for us but once he started coming a bit later it was fine, we ate together, he got a cuddle of the baby and it broke the day up a bit, I actually felt guilty when we moved and it had to stop. However, your DH doesn't sound particularly helpful and having someone swan in, make a mess for me to clear up and then bugger off would annoy me too, as would endless popping in and out all day. Could you compromise with just the lunch break and find a way to make your routine fit round it?

DamnBamboo · 28/04/2014 16:57

YABVU.

Good god. The man can't come home for his lunch to his own house.

Lovely.

Imagine if you wanted to pop back into your house for whatever reason and were told not that because you would annoy your DH!

Why would it be disruptive? Why can't he just come in and eat? So the kids will see him during the day and there will be a little bit of a change of routine... I can imagine worse things that's for sure.

DamnBamboo · 28/04/2014 16:58

And if this means making no noise at all between 12.00 abd 3.00pn the that's what it is

This is ridiculous!

TantrumsAndBalloons · 28/04/2014 17:09

happymummy you have a very peculiar look on life.

Going out to work does not actually mean you don't have to be a considerate, responsible adult does it?
If going to work meant never having to partake in the actual running of the household, I would be living in a tip.

Strange as it may appear, some people actively like having a SAHP. It is a choice they make together.

Twitterqueen · 28/04/2014 17:14

You say "Oh I'm so looking forward to you coming home for lunch. It will be lovely for me to catch up on my sleep a bit..... "

But I do agree, however annoying you might find it you simply cannot tell you DH he's not welcome in his own house!

Ragwort · 28/04/2014 17:18

I can see that it might be annoying but how mean, you cannot ban an adult from their own house . My mum (80) still moans twenty-five years after my Dad (84) retired because she 'can't get on with her day' .

I appreciate it is a pain if you have planned your own day (my DH does this too) but that is just what being in a family involved.

And yes, I sometimes think I would love to live alone.

BackforGood · 28/04/2014 17:18

I know some places won't Expat , but the OP is talking about her dh not only coming home at lunchtime, but also popping in at various times of the day, so I'm guessing he's got quite a bit of autonomy about where he can be.

expatinscotland · 28/04/2014 17:23

So why should he gobble a lunch?

Like I said, I was in the H's position here, as a woman, and DH was the SAHD. I wonder if the responses would be the same if a woman were the one wanting to have lunch at home or pop in to see her family?

HaroldLloyd · 28/04/2014 17:24

I agree that he should be able to come in and out of the house but some of these comments are really bloody ridiculous, and I am starting to feel a bit sorry for thr OP having to read this shit.

If anything she sounds like she has a difficult baby and is just stressing about anything that might make the day harder. Sure we've all been there.

eddielizzard · 28/04/2014 17:27

if it were a woman coming home for lunch they'd expect her to put on a load of washing, make her lunch, run round with the vacuum while eating, tidy up mess and put supper on before she headed back to work.

BikeRunSki · 28/04/2014 17:28

Erm
It's his home too!

BackforGood · 28/04/2014 17:28

What do you mean? 20mins is more than adequate to eat your lunch. Loads of people never take lunch breaks (which I know isn't supposed to happen, but it's hardly a great sacrifice). Whenever I go on a course or conference and they've indicated an hour for lunch, people always ask if we can start again after a 1/2 hr break and finish that bit earlier. I don't know anyone who has an hour for a lunchbreak, that I'm aware of.

BackforGood · 28/04/2014 17:29

(Sorry, I was replying to ExPat)

hedgetrimmer · 28/04/2014 17:36

DOnt you ever go out or take the kids anywhere during the day?

expatinscotland · 28/04/2014 17:43

So what? Plenty have an hour and take it. I always did. He wants to come home for lunch and see his family.

ICanSeeTheSun · 28/04/2014 17:48

Perhaps he want to spend some time with you.

Marmalade1144 · 28/04/2014 17:55

Can you suggest that it sounds great but can we do it once a week regularly to maintain a routine?

EurotrashGirl · 28/04/2014 18:14

Agree with Expat. If it was a woman writing in that her DH didn't want her to come home for lunch I imagine the responses would be very different.

Onlyonamonday · 28/04/2014 18:30

Coming home for a " kiss and a cuppa" oh dear ,sorry ,but that sounds a bit clingy / needy ...
I love my dh of 21 years to bits but when he's at work it is good to have time to myself and I would imagine he thinks the same when I am at work and he at home
You can't not let him but he would be making his own lunch and fitting in with whatever is going on in our house at that time.
He may decide to stay at work in the end

Threetofour · 28/04/2014 18:43

YANBU
I am a sahm with 4 (3 preschoolers) & lunchtime is the ONLY time I get to catch up on my studying & catch up on chores I would be really annoyed if dh kept coming home at that time . I love him dearly we have been together for 15 years, when the kids are at school I would be more than happy for him to come home every day but at the moment it would stress me out

Jenni2legs · 28/04/2014 18:54

It might actually be helpful - if your husband comes home then leaves everyday your clingy child would get more used to him and the child that would be sad to see him go would get used to him leaving after a few days and get less upset...

I personally would have lunch ready - and say as I made it you can tidy up (but I like cooking more than washing dishes).

fairylightsintheloft · 28/04/2014 18:57

OP leaving aside anything else, surely if you have 3 dcs already you know that a newborn in the household is going to be hugely disruptive and noisy. You said upthread that that can't be helped whereas DH coming home CAN. But the outcome is the same - your DC3s nap WILL be disrupted anyway, routines WILL change / go out the window so why not just let your DH do this for a bit as, no doubt the novelty will wear off anyway. It does seem remarkably uptight to ban him from his home house!

Creamycoolerwithcream · 28/04/2014 19:57

Surely DC3 won't be napping for much longer?

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