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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand why GP need alone time with GC?

136 replies

slithytove · 24/04/2014 15:53

My mum is always desperate to get DS alone with her.

"Nanna will take you on holiday"
"You should stay with Nanna"

Innocuous stuff, but I asked jokingly "oh can't I come on holiday too?" and she very bitingly told me no she wanted DS to herself.

She is a good Mum and Nanna.

AIBU to not grasp this need at all, and can someone please fill me in?

OP posts:
SuperPash · 24/04/2014 15:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PollyIndia · 24/04/2014 15:57

I don't understand why this would be an issue. It's nice for DC to get to know their GP isn't it? Not a need - she just wants to spend time with him doesn't she?
You ask the question like it's sinister!

Canus · 24/04/2014 15:57

Well, I suppose small children are fun when you don't have to worry about actually bringing them up Grin

I like taking children to the cinema, the park, or just having tea with them, without having to be all grown up with another adult. It's fun!

Marrow · 24/04/2014 15:58

I don't have this problem with either set of grandparents but rather wish I did! They don't even suggest a sleepover in the holidays.

PollyIndia · 24/04/2014 15:58

Alarming?!
Why is wanting to develop a relationship with your grandchild alarming superpash?!

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 24/04/2014 15:58

She wants to be a Mum again to a small child, could it be that?

You are his Mum, she's had her turn.

Bobloblaw · 24/04/2014 15:59

My pil often ask to take DS out on his own, I usually tag along with DD because her disabilities mean having more people is really helpful. They often ask to take DS out on their own though, I'm not sure why.

HerRoyalNotness · 24/04/2014 15:59

My MIL suggested if I wanted to go back to work early while on Mat Leave, she would be delighted to look after DS. She'd looked after older GC (not mine) since 3mths old.

I think it's just because they love them so much, and alone time helps them to form a relationship and bond.

pebblyshit · 24/04/2014 16:01

Maybe she sees him as a person in his own right and wants to develop a relationship with him thats independent of you.

Padeen · 24/04/2014 16:01

I quite like alone time with my daughter. I just imagine that my mother feels the same.

RedandChecker · 24/04/2014 16:01

If all else is well, I would consider it nice. I like for my mother to have alone time with DS because she really gets to know him properly. He will sit on her knee and tell her he loves her and play with her hair, when I'm there he only really focuses on me and doesn't speak much to others.

She takes all the grandchildren on holiday on her own, for this I think she is a saint. My dad on the other hand, I don't think he'd bare the thought of an hour with DC alone.
And DSs other grandmother really has no interest whatsoever. Which isn't nice and it's a shame they won't have much of a relationship.

I also had alone time with my grandparents growing up, I think it builds more personal relationships

I would wonder why she said it so bitingly though?

Morgause · 24/04/2014 16:02

perfectly natural, I'd have thought. My DCs loved spending time with the GPs without me around. Best way for them to develop a good relationship.

A bit possessive to think it's a strange request.

DidoTheDodo · 24/04/2014 16:04

I'm a granny and it is nice to develop an independent relationship with a grandchild. If a parent is always there, the child always defers to the parent and it is harder to get proper one to one time.

And it is LOVELY to have your grandchildren to yourself for a little while (and equally lovely to hand them back!!)

Are you looking for problems where there aren't any?

BobPatandIgglePiggle · 24/04/2014 16:06

My mum and mil each look after ds one day per week. They and ds LOVE this time. The gp rave to their friendsabout what they've been up to with them.

Having alone time means a totally different relationship - especially with mil. She's lovely but sil was different with her boys - mil had to ask to pick them up for a cuddle etc whilst we're very much 'ds is your grandson, cuddle him as you please' parents.

They have 'in jokes' (as much as you can at age 2) and granny takes him to a certain place to play etc - she used to take my dp to it and it's special to her. I'd never take ds as it's his place with granny iyswim

EatDessertFirst · 24/04/2014 16:06

Same as Marrow.

My two are at the back of the queue with my ILs. DNephews OTOH stay there at least twice over the holidays, get days out etc. It does make me a bit resentful but the ILs are willing to help out one afternoon every other week so long as they arent busy while I work for four hours so for that I count myself lucky.

I'd think I was in a parallell universe if they actually ASKED to have them!

KnittingRocks · 24/04/2014 16:07

How very odd to be upset by this request. Both sets of GPs love having time alone with their GC - it's lovely, special time, something we encourage and something which enables them to deepen the bond they have without us around and it gives us a break.

Win win!!

What is it with parents nowadays who think it is their sole responsibility to raise their child?! Confused

HavantGuard · 24/04/2014 16:09

I totally understand the desire to have one on one time. I don't understand the thing about overnight stays/holidays when they're small.

Allinson2014 · 24/04/2014 16:10

Well I'm n

CheeryName · 24/04/2014 16:10

My Good ILs have always had the children 'alone' from very young, once a week. They have a really lovely relationship. Ditto my parents who have them less often but for a few days at a time in school holidays. My Other ILs just see them at family occasions and DC wouldn't recognise them if they saw them in the street.

TBH all of the above is just how I like it! Its down to the individuals involved.

Vintagejazz · 24/04/2014 16:12

I don't see anything wrong with it. It's nice for loving grandparents to get a bit of time on their own with grandchildren and to create special memories and associations. When I was a child I absolutely loved going to spend a night at my grandmothers and being spoilt for a few hours. If my mum was there she'd be saying 'no you can't have a chocolate biscuit', 'time you were in bed' etc. Because she was my mum and my Grandmother was my Granny who liked to spoil me once in a blue moon.

HavantGuard · 24/04/2014 16:12

'What is it with parents nowadays who think it is their sole responsibility to raise their child?!'

Have a look on the threads where people complain that their children's grandparents don't help out. That's exactly what they're told by many posters - that the grandparents have 'done their child rearing.'

Allinson2014 · 24/04/2014 16:14

Well I'm not sure what kind of relationship you have with your DM but I'm in a similar situation. My mum has my DCs every Sunday but never with myself or DH. We don't have a great relationship with her but my DC do so I'm happy for them to go. It was a little strange though recently as it's DS1 birthday and my sister thinks we're all meeting up at my mums to celebrate. I spoke to my mum about it and she said not myself and DH just the DC! It's very strange but I try and keep my DM and my relationship seperate to her relationship with the DC.

MaxPepsi · 24/04/2014 16:14

I'm an auntie and love alone time with my Niece's and Nephews.

More importantly they love coming to me.

This is particularly good at the moment as one DB's marriage has broken down and things are all over the place. Auntie Max however is a constant and stable presence in a confused little boy's life. If his parents had had a similar well his mother did a bit attitude to you he'd currently have no one!

Original poster
slithytove · 24/04/2014 16:16

I did ask her why and she had a mini fit. No concrete answer.

I don't have an issue with the GP having DS alone, I just don't understand the desperate need to not have me there. Incidentally the in laws don't seem to have the same need, they are happy when their son is around!

I'm not stopping them developing a relationship at all, my mum stays with us 3/4 times a year for a month at a time. It just annoys me that she wants me away.

She taught him to say Nanna the other day, he can't say Mummy yet. That annoyed me :(

I suspect it is a little about playing mum and more to the point, ignoring my rules. Which are not out of the ordinary.

I just feel a wee bit rejected by her some times.

She lives 8000 miles away so a holiday would be completely unreasonable.

I'm not upset by the request, I'm upset by the repeated demand that I make myself scarce.

OP posts:
KnittingRocks · 24/04/2014 16:16

Havant, I agree with the assertion that GPs shouldn't be expected to supply endless free childcare - I'm horrified by the foot-stamping tantrums that go on on some threads because GPs won't look after their GC every week to allow parents to work with free childcare!

I'm talking about parents who get all exercised about their DC spending any time with GPs (esp ILs) without them being watched like a hawk. Our boys have been to spend time with both sets of GPs since they were about a year old - I'm so grateful they had that time with my parents because they are not in a position to have them over-night anymore, but they will still have them for a few hours where possible. Both sets of GPs live 2 hours away so regular childcare isn't possible, but those special memories are generally created when parents aren't around IME.

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