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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask those of you who are pro life?

999 replies

Anonynony · 21/04/2014 14:49

How do you feel about friends who have had abortions? Can you maintain friendships with people who have had an abortion and no regrets?

One of my friends has stunned me, talking about another friend of ours who had considered an abortion and my friend said I'm so glad she didn't because I wouldn't have been able to stay friends with her Shock
I'm really surprised, I'm extremely pro choice and vocal about it but this doesn't bother my friend.
But what my friend doesn't know is that I also had an abortion and although I have no regrets I feel a bit strange around my friend now?

OP posts:
TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 21/04/2014 18:24

Tondelayo, where do you think the foetus goes when someone has a late term abortion?

Out of their vagina - same way as any other type of abortion. Not sure of the distinction to be honest. Some (not all) late term abortions require the woman to be induced and to be awake (not under GA) - is that what you mean by "giving birth"?

bumbleymummy · 21/04/2014 18:24

Yes Garlic, termination of a healthy foetus at term for whatever reason the mother chooses is pretty disturbing IMO. Obviously other people on this thread agree (Thank goodness!)

Birdsgottafly · 21/04/2014 18:24

Do you not believe that people also murder/injure/abuse their children?

What a lovely little bubble you live in.

CuntyBunny · 21/04/2014 18:25

I had an abortion and didn't feel any "remorse". Fuck, how did I forget to show remorse? Marie Stopes must have run out of sack cloth and ashes that day.

So shoot me.

thebodydoestricks · 21/04/2014 18:26

Bumbly I support a woman's absolute right to do whatever she chooses with her body until the baby is out of her body.

Any other alternative is unacceptable to me.

FrigginRexManningDay · 21/04/2014 18:31

Cuntybunny I am sure you could have found a bell to ring whilst shounting Unclean!
Women have come a long way in the last 100 years but still we have a long way to go.

GarlicAprilShowers · 21/04/2014 18:31

A friend of mine has had six abortions, too. I wouldn't describe her as 'using abortion as birth control' - she was on the pill.

A normally fertile woman having a normal sex life without contraception will have 8 - 14 children, iirc. Bearing in mind she can't get pregnant for 8 - 14 years of that, a woman using abortion would need - what, 30 abortions? - to stay childfree.

Birdinthebush · 21/04/2014 18:32

Anyone watched the doc 'After Tiller' on Netflix? It's worth watching and shows women's reasons for late term abortions. Surprisingly it's generally for severe foetal anomalies, not wanting to go on Big Brother

BertieBotts · 21/04/2014 18:32

Anya I agree.

If you're saying "Well it depends on the reasons" then you're basically making a person justify their actions. They don't have to do that to anyone.

If you want to campaign for a change in the law then by all means do so but to require an individual to justify their choice to you is totally, totally not on and not anybody's place.

Original poster
Anonynony · 21/04/2014 18:35

Sorry I don't know if I was clear. My friend is anti abortion, full stop. The other friend considered a late term abortion but had what some people would class as "better reasons" than me who had an early abortion, already had a child, a small home and a failing relationship. The other friend had no security at all and was quite young, no family/support.

OP posts:
TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 21/04/2014 18:36

The only women I know who've regretted their abortions are those who have terminated much wanted and planned pregnancies because of medical reasons / unviable foetus.

I don't know anyone who uses abortion as a birth control - how bloody inconvenient, painful and expensive for a start.

bumbleymummy · 21/04/2014 18:36

This reply has been deleted

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wannaBe · 21/04/2014 18:37

I couldn't be friends with someone who believes in abortion to term, the notion of killing a viable baby is abhorrent. No-one would sanction a baby who happened to be born at 24 weeks being killed, so the idea of killing it just because it happens to still be in the uterus is no less revolting, or murder.
Women have terminations for all manner of reasons, I wouldn't necessarily judge them but I wouldn't accompany one to a clinic either, and I believe medical practitioners should be allowed to opt out of terminations.

I do also think terminations shouldn't be available after twelve weeks except in cases of medical necessity.

And I judge anyone who goes on big brother, end of. ;)

saintlyjimjams · 21/04/2014 18:41

I'm pro-choice but I would find it difficult if a close friend had a termination for Down Syndrome. I wouldn't really want them near DS1 & it would change how I felt about them. I'd really rather not know, if they told me I would do my best to compartmentalise it,separate it & not think about it in relationship to them. I absolutely could not counsel or support them through it & if they wanted me to I would explain that regretfully I was the wrong audience.

Any other reason no problem at all. I do have quite a few friends who have had terminations for wrong time or whatever & it hasn't altered the way I've felt at all. Luckily the people I know who have terminated for DS are not close enough to me to affect how I feel about them.

ikeaismylocal · 21/04/2014 18:41

*And on threads like this someone always mentions a friend of a friend who used abortion as contraception or the page 3 wannabe who aborts late because she wants to go in bb.

We really do need to be a tad more sensible.*

I think that it is sensible to talk about those extream situations, it is all well and good to say that you are pro-choice but I think there is a way of being pro-choice but feeling that certain choices don't sit well with you. Personally an abortion of a fetus that could possibly survive outside the womb doesn't sit right with me whereas an abortion at 5/6 weeks I would personally see as on par with contraceptions and I would probably consider an early abortion personally if my lifestyle wouldn't welcome a baby and I didn't want ot change things.

saintlyjimjams · 21/04/2014 18:45

I fully support a woman's right to make a choice btw. I know someone who had a backstreet abortion before they were legal - nearly 70 years later it still haunts her (& almost killed her).

specialsubject · 21/04/2014 18:46

Lose her. She is intolerant and unthinking.

didn't offer to take on the baby, did she?

saintlyjimjams · 21/04/2014 18:48

Yes I agree ikea - you can be absolutely pro-choice but uncomfortable about certain situations.

My problem with terminating for DS isn't with the actual termination it is what it says about how that friend values people like ds1. That would be why my gut reaction would be to keep them away from ds1 & why I would find it problematic if it were a close friend.

I'd still support their right to choose - even if I found the choice altered how I felt about them.

ICanSeeTheSun · 21/04/2014 18:50

I really don't see the diffrence between 12 weeks to 23 weeks.

Nether can survive without a host.

Original poster
Anonynony · 21/04/2014 18:50

saintly, as much as I'm totally pro choice in any situation I can completely see where you're coming from.

OP posts:
thebodydoestricks · 21/04/2014 18:51

It's absolutely fine to say/feel/think and donwhatbtgevhell you like with your own body.

What is wrong is to try to push your beliefs on another person to the extent that you rob that person of their own control/autonomy.

Bumbly really again???

Last time now and in any thread.

*i support a woman's right to terminate a pregnancy until the baby is out of her body. If the head is out it's born.

SybilRamkin · 21/04/2014 18:54

I think it's always wrong, no matter the circumstances, BUT I would never advocate making abortion illegal because that way ends with back-street clinics and desperate, damaged women.

I think each person should be the keeper of their own conscience, and it is not for me or anyone else to cast judgement. I would never disown or deliberately hurt a friend who had an abortion, although I would privately consider their decision wrong.

bumbleymummy · 21/04/2014 18:56

ICanSee, the youngest baby to survive was born at 21 weeks and 5 days.

Hi saintly. Good posts.

Anony, can you see where people are coming from when they disagree with late term abortions - maybe because they have had a premature baby?

ikeaismylocal · 21/04/2014 18:59

A friend's baby was born at 23 weeks and is now a happy little girl.

thebody do you advocate an abortion at for example 37 by killing the baby or do you just advocate the choice to end the pregnancy, so in effect induce an early birth?

ikeaismylocal · 21/04/2014 19:01

saintly I can compleatly understand your feelings about abortions due to down syndrome.