To ask those of you who are pro life?

[Anonynony]

How do you feel about friends who have had abortions? Can you maintain friendships with people who have had an abortion and no regrets?

One of my friends has stunned me, talking about another friend of ours who had considered an abortion and my friend said I'm so glad she didn't because I wouldn't have been able to stay friends with her
I'm really surprised, I'm extremely pro choice and vocal about it but this doesn't bother my friend.
But what my friend doesn't know is that I also had an abortion and although I have no regrets I feel a bit strange around my friend now?

thanks thebody - you didn't answer that question before. Good to know the arbitrary point when you consider a baby has the right to life.

I don't advocate that's the whole point.

I think it's up to the pregnant woman to choose with the help of her doctors.

bumbly er you know I did but not going there with you again as per other posters.

Sybil I think that is a very fair view point.
See I used to have absolutely no tolerance for people who were anti choice/pro life but when I hear someone put it the way you have, I think fair enough, I completely disagree but I definitely respect your opinion if that makes sense?

Abortion really late on is very rare, so much so, one charity published data (anonymised) about each case and the reasons. They were absolutely heart rending. Which clever poster put them up? It was very educational. It certainly made me think.

Sybil lovely post.

Personally I find it quite disturbing and cold if someone had a late abortion, where a fully formed dead baby came out, and had no remorse, sadness, emotions or anything of the sort afterwards. I cannot understand why or how someone would prefer something so horrific to having a full term baby, unless they were raped, the pregnancy could kill them or the baby had a severe disability. In these cases I imagine a significant amount of emotion would be involved anyway.

I do know someone who had one at around 12 weeks and it affected her emotionally alot, it apparently looked like a baby with arms and legs even at that stage (can agree after 12 week scan!) and it freaked her out. It is something she would never do again (she was 14 at the time so you can see why she chose it) and she still thinks about what could have been, even though she has a child now. I do support a woman's right to choose but have to say I would feel odd, could you say 'judgey'? if someone wasn't affected whatsoever by effectively killing a baby and having to give birth to its dead body, especially if they chose this option time and time again.

But then what do I know, a pregnancy has always been a welcome thing to me, before it was I used birth control and never had any accidents. I have to say I never gave this much thought before I got pregnant myself, and loved my little baby from seeing it wriggling on the 12 week scan. Now the thought of getting rid of a baby past this stage but particularly at around 20 weeks horrifies me to be honest, I could never ever do it and tbh consider it a baby not a fetus at that point, I imagine women who have had late term losses they didn't want or are happily pregnant feel the same. But thats me, other women are different and might not feel the same. I'd never agree with taking away anyones choice but have to admit depending on the circumstances someone having a late circa 20 week abortion would make me 'question their moral compass' if you will. Sorry if that offends anyone but opinions were asked for.

bumble I completely understand why people who have had premature babies would feel that way, in fact I know two women who have recently lost babies fairly late into their pregnancies and I can genuinely say my heart aches for them but it doesn't change my opinion on other women making choices for themselves.

And weirdly I can think of a friend who was thinking she might terminate for DS but I knew she valued ds1 (as she has a child who is very similar) & I had no problem at all. So for me the problem isn't the termination it's what it's saying about that person's attitude towards learning disabilities that I would struggle with. If there is strong evidence to the contrary & i know they value people with LD's then I don't have a problem at all & just feel the same as i would about any other termination (largely that it's none of my business). Interesting thread.

Incidentally I lived in Japan for a while & there bringing a baby into the world without a father is seen as 'worse' than a termination. I guess that's a non Christian culture view of the world

I also support a woman's choice, throughout the whole of her pregnancy, to continue with or to terminate that pregnancy. That is my understanding of 'pro choice'.

Agree with other posters that bumbley is really better not engaged with on this subject, but the statement 'I don't think that people genuinely think it is ok to abort to term for whatever reason' should be challenged.

I have never had an abortion & would find it a difficult decision, were I to become pregnant again - my family is very definitely complete - but I draw a very distinct line between 'I don't like the idea of abortion, having one may not be right for me' & 'I don't like the idea of abortion, so other women should be denied the option of having one'.

Fantastic post Raven and sums up my feelings exactly.

'I would say that I stuggle with both people who are very anti-abortion and people who use late abortions for reasons that I would not choose myself.'

This describes well how I feel, its very odd as I do not like to feel I am judging any woman for such a personal choice, but I just can't help it. A 20 week old fetus is a baby to me and I just can't get past that.

I am more pro-life than pro-choice. Emotionally, I am pro-life (though not religious and I hate the pro-life campaigns! I hate the intimidation of women at abortion clinics), intellectually I am pro-choice if that makes sense, but horrified by late abortions I have read about.

If a friend had an abortion I would feel sympathy and sorrow for her, and treat her gently and not push my point home.

I know from my mum's generation that women sometimes do not feel regret until they are old, in their 70s or 80s, and again, I feel sympathetic towards them, rather than judge.

I just cannot believe it can ever be an easy carefree decision for everyone.

thebody so you support the right for a woman to choose to stop the life of her 37 week old fetus and then give birth to it's dead body rather than give birth to a live baby (through induction, I would imagine it would be the same process as trigering the birth with a dead baby) the only difference would be that the baby is born dead. How is ending the life of a viable fetus any different to a mother smothering her newborn?

That's why there is a law on it.

Because it is in her uterus ikea.

Yes, and I agree that a woman should have the choice to take the baby out of her uterus in anyway she wishes at any point, but not to have the option to assure that the baby is dead before it comes out of the uterus.

I also see abortion on a case by case view. Many of my friends have had abortions and also a member of my family, all of their reasons were because they were so young. 14-17. I do not judge them, they were early terminations and I had DS very young and it was not easy. Also, all of their experiences and abortions were backed by their parents, which at that age i imagine makes it extremely difficult to make your own choice. My mother took my sister for an abortion at 18, they saw the baby and walked away from the abortion this experience my mum had made her view the situation of me later announcing being a pregnant teen differently and she never mentioned abortion but would have supported me either way. I don't think you can ever judge a young girl who has been advised abortion by her seemingly knowledgable mother.

It always completely depends on the reasoning behind and the stage.

If your baby is healthy and you are late stage I think adoption should be the first option and abortion the last. You've had a long time to think about this, the baby is a baby and if things have changed at home or in your heart someone else has a home and love they can give that child.

This is because my close friend had a baby at 22 weeks. He is now 3 and perfectly fine. They had to pray that he made it a few more weeks so they could register his birth and death if he wasn't to survive. He was treated as non existent until then. He did extremely well, these are babies capable
Of living outside of the womb.

I think late stage abortions with no good reason are extremely rare and the mother must be suffering emotionally in some way because it is still not an easy decision at all, the mother has seen that baby alive and grow, felt them move and now has to give birth either way.

I am very much pro life. Never would I stand and protest or even harp on about the issue unless challenged in a discussion for my opinion (very rare to be asked so luckily had little chance to talk about it).

A family member had an abortion last year because they had the two children they wanted and said financially it would be a push yet not impossible. I felt physically sick when I was told their plans. However i never once voiced my opinion on their specific situation as I didn't see it as any of my business what they decided to do. It must have been a terrible decision but the one thing that bothers me the most is that she lost her first baby early in the pregnancy and does not stop posting on Facebook about her 'angel in the sky' and how much she misses this baby. I just cannot get my head around somebody that is so broken over a miscarriage and called a foetus of similar gestational development their baby can then have an abortion? I have thankfully never been in a situation of either miscarriage or an unwanted baby (a few pregnancy scares that I was still very pro life) but I just struggle to understand.

But in answer to your question I would never disown a friend/family etc but do secretly feel a little cold towards them even though I don't want to.

thebody a bit déjà vu, huh?!

I agree with you ikea but some people are too caught up in the 'woman's right to choose' to see the other side of the argument. It's quite strange really.

ikea have to agree, completely draw the line at the idea its ok to kill a viable full or almost at term baby when it could just as easily be born alive and given up for adoption. The mother still has to give birth regardless, the only difference is the barbarity of killing the baby when it could live. The same as suffocating a newborn, to me. A rather disgusting stance to take IMO regardless of it being in her uterus, and going beyond supporting the choice to have an abortion. You might aswell agree its ok for a woman to snuff out her 3 week old because she's decided she cant cope with a new baby.

Also agree with Billygoats, aborting because of finances or because you feel your family is already 'complete' is also disgusting to me. Generous benefits and help is available in this country for new babies and parents who are struggling financially, all this is is aborting because the baby might affect the materialistic side of your lifestyle, which is vile and cold hearted.

I know someone who had a late abortion as she was ill and the baby had a lot wrong with it. In this circumstance I felt so sorry for her and her baby :(

However, I have I agree that I do get a little bit uncomfortable when late abortions are used for 'lesser' reasons if you will. Thankfully this is not a common procedure.

I would hate to be in a situation where I had to make a decision like that. I would never judge another person. It must be a horrendous decision and process to deal with.

As Friggin says it is her uterus.

At what point do you think a woman looses the rights over her own body?

at conception/ 12 weeks, 16 weeks, 24/34?

The trouble is when you pass laws and draw a line the woman looses her autonomy.

For me I belive in the woman's right to choose above the child's rights until that child is born.

There are very very few women who at 35 weeks say,

'you know what fuck this pregnancy lark, I will have an abortion tomorrow.'

Unless of course it's in the daily mail and if course that's always factually correct and loves women.