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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be embarrassed but to go anyway?

357 replies

harriet247 · 20/04/2014 21:30

Dps best friend from primary has distributed his wedding invites today. Silly me thought I was invited Blush dp and I have been together 2 years and have 1 yr old dd.
All the other girlfriends/fiances have been invited but im not on the invite,not even as a plus one :/
I understand obviously money may be a factor or they dont want children there but nothing has been said.
Its 5 hours away and in a big posh hotel, we were both looking forward ro our first night away, with dd staying with lovely gp's.
Im thinking of just going anyway, nice spa during the day then get dressed up and go and join in the evening do.
But part of me is worried that I would be kindof embarrassing myself and them too? I cant jelp but think they dont wnt me there for some reason butI dont know either of them very well so I'm positive they don't hate me etc..
Aibu to go anyway?

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 25/04/2014 22:10

Can we christen this the 'Muriel's Wedding' thread?

Please come back H Hmm

GatoradeMeBitch · 25/04/2014 22:11

Emmaroos, a lot of people negotiate! One of my relatives was pressured into inviting his Dad's new gf to his (very small) wedding, then her two adult kids who he'd never even met, and then their plus ones!

Anyway, I'm only really sharing this anecdote instead of saying place-save...

NorthLDNgal · 25/04/2014 22:15

Do you get on with them? Strange that you haven't been invited if it's your DP's best friend but the other partners have. I'd ask your DP to enquire why you weren't invited and take it from there before deciding to do anything. I certainly wouldn't show up uninvited as you would be feeling awkward the whole night.

If it's intentional I'd encourage you and your DP to go somewhere else together. Bit disrespectful to your DP to not include you.

UnderthePalms · 25/04/2014 22:15

Yes, please pm her and report back

NorthLDNgal · 25/04/2014 22:31

Just read the whole of this thread. I hope you got invited as you sound like a lovely fun lady.

frumpypigskin · 25/04/2014 23:46

well?

TheHouseofMirth · 26/04/2014 09:20

I PM'd OP last night but no reply here or in my Inbox Sad

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 26/04/2014 09:23

Oh no! Just read this thread assuming I would find out what happened. OP come baaaaaaaack!

Original poster
harriet247 · 26/04/2014 11:56

houseofmirth hiiiiii!thanks for your pm :) well the update is...
There isnt one!!!! No bloody reply, dp is confident we will hear by monday otherwise I am phoning him my bloody self.
The groom is in the military but is stationed here so I'm sure they can still use their phones right?!
I sortof feel like they are hoping if they ignore, perhaps I will forget about it maybe, or be distracted by something shiney?

What are everyones thoughts on me taking photo of myself in posh frock, uploading to facebook and tagging bride and groom saying 'found perfect dress for the big day :)!cant wait guys!
Lets make this a facebook thing. [Grin]

OP posts:
Original poster
harriet247 · 26/04/2014 11:56

houseofmirth hiiiiii!thanks for your pm :) well the update is...
There isnt one!!!! No bloody reply, dp is confident we will hear by monday otherwise I am phoning him my bloody self.
The groom is in the military but is stationed here so I'm sure they can still use their phones right?!
I sortof feel like they are hoping if they ignore, perhaps I will forget about it maybe, or be distracted by something shiney?

What are everyones thoughts on me taking photo of myself in posh frock, uploading to facebook and tagging bride and groom saying 'found perfect dress for the big day :)!cant wait guys!
Lets make this a facebook thing. [Grin]

OP posts:
Original poster
harriet247 · 26/04/2014 12:03

Oh NOW im embarrassed- dp just said that he offered to pay for my place.

OP posts:
ajandjjmum · 26/04/2014 12:23

I would be more concerned about why I wasn't included when all the other girls are tbh.

justtoomessy · 26/04/2014 12:25

Oh dear I can't quite believe you are being so militant about a getting an invite to a wedding when they, for whatever reason, don't want you there.

You do realise this will probably be being discussed amongst the other people going and may not be putting you in a good light now.

Jackie0 · 26/04/2014 12:39

They didn't invite you, therefore you can't go. If it had been an oversight they would have got back to you straightaway with apologies . Their silence speaks volumes . Whatever you do don't keep at them , are you not embarrassed ? If I were in your shoes my dp wouldn't be going either btw. You need to drop it and forget all about it . Sorry op

UnderthePalms · 26/04/2014 12:44

Thanks for coming back OP. Unfortunately it does look like they have snubbed you. They are very rude. Will your dp go if you aren't invited?

SweetsForMySweet · 26/04/2014 13:05

I'm sorry but to be brutally honest here:

Please leave this go op! No matter how nice you are, you are only embarrassing yourself now. The bride and groom have enough going on preparing for their wedding, if they don't want you there for whatever reason have chosen not to reply, take it that you are still not invited and get over it. Trying to publically humiliate them on facebook will not make them change their minds and will show you in a bad light to all your friends.

Only1scoop · 26/04/2014 13:12

Harriet ....I'm slightly enraged that he hasn't even replied....even with offer of fully funded place....

Angry

Glad your back....

SauvignonBlanche · 26/04/2014 13:14

They sound pretty rude.

WipsGlitter · 26/04/2014 13:15

I think their silence on the matter speaks volumes. You've put them in a really difficult position.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/04/2014 13:17

How rude, yes good idea Harriet I would. Dp should RSVP with, Eg Tom and Harriet would love to accept the kind invitation to your wedding, try and see them wriggle out of that ones without making a mess.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/04/2014 13:18

Exactly Wips my feelings exactly.

tuttifrootie · 26/04/2014 13:30

Aww guys don't give her a hard time after kindly updating us!

Harriet247 I think your partner did a great job with his text and was a perfectly reasonable thing to do.

It gives them a chance to either clear up a misunderstanding if it was a mistake to leave you out or invite you now they see it means a lot to you both.

However if there was no mistake, leave it be and keep your dignity intact.

I think they are in the wrong though - you are a couple and if they want your partner there then you should be invited as one. I wouldn't expect my partner to go without me and if that was the case he would just gracefully decline the invite and wish them well.

My cousin did this to me when she got married too - I lived with boyfriend (my now husband), he wasn't invited, I would have been the only family member there without a partner and I simply don't get the reasoning behind it - just to save a few quid on one extra meal. I politely declined - no hard feelings though.

Guitargirl · 26/04/2014 13:31

Oh come on OP, have a bit of dignity now and let this go.

If they reply with massive apologies and tell you that there has been an oversight then great. But if not, then they probably have their reasons for only inviting your DP, whatever they may be.

On the day, arrange to take your DD out somewhere and have a lovely day just the two of you.

Don't go all Facebook about it, don't call the groom. Be the bigger person and let this couple have their wedding in peace without a tantrum from you.

UnderthePalms · 26/04/2014 13:33

Hopefully your dp will tell the groom he can stick the invitation up his bum

Guitargirl · 26/04/2014 13:40

And FWIW, I reckon it is probably what you said up thread. If you are the only couple from their friendship group who have a child then they may have clumsily assumed that you would be at home with DD. It is rude of them but I still would just let it do.