Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this was a horrible way to treat DD?

169 replies

InHerShoes · 20/04/2014 09:05

DD was invited to stay over at her Aunt's house with her younger cousins who she adores. She stayed Friday night, came out with us for the day yesterday and was also invited to stay Saturday (we live very locally). She talked of nothing else all day, had left all her bedding and clothes round there and was so excited.

At tea time yesterday we were on our way round when my sister phoned and said her own DD1 (4) was tired and it was late (it was 5.30) and could we just forget it. My DD started crying and my sister could hear her, and was very dismissive in an 'ofgs she needs to get over it' way.

DD cried until bedtime. We have to go and play Happy Easter Families this afternoon so I need to strap on my best smile and get the fuck over it but I'm so upset for her. There was a real attitude of oh well, she's a big girl and it doesn't matter.

DD has some mild SN/behavioural issues, so stuff like this knocks her for six. She is an angel for other people, and treats like sleepovers and special shopping trips are really good for her. I should say my family don't particularly believe in her SN, they like to blame my parenting as she is so well behaved for them.

I would like to add that DD was INVITED, we didn't ask and neither did she, and we were never told that she had to be round there at a specific time so cancelling at 5.30 because it was too late just blindsided us, and left us with a raging tearful child who thought she was being punished.

AIBU? And shoudl I say something (maybe not today)?

OP posts:
MomOfTwoGirls2 · 20/04/2014 21:28

Horrible. No.
Your DSis probably changed plans to do what was best for her DD. I'm sure she didn't purposely set out to upset your DD. Such is life.

Dd2 just turned 10. Yes, she would be very disappointed at the late change. But I would play it down and try distract her with something else. She would react much more strongly if I made a big thing of it.

Let it go.

ashtrayheart · 20/04/2014 21:39

Oh please don't say let it go... I've been singing it all day thanks to 3 and 4 yo obsessed with frozen! Grin

Original poster
InHerShoes · 20/04/2014 21:40

I have let it go.

We had a lovely day all together today and drank lots of lovely gin cocktails. All is well.

OP posts:
Original poster
InHerShoes · 20/04/2014 21:41

Haha ashtray me too...

OP posts:
patothechiefexec · 20/04/2014 21:55

What an odd thread this has turned into. Good to know there are still plenty of heartless souls out there in the general population. I think this thread proves that you should keep your opinions to yourself if you don't want to be labelled a histrionic drama queen.

SaucyJack · 20/04/2014 23:10

.... I'd suggest you take a bit of time to educate yourself about SNs.

TBH, in the context of threads like this using a blanket term like SNs means very little regardless of how much knowledge one has on the subject.

I used to work for a SN playscheme and the term could mean anything from EBD children in care to children with severe cerebral palsy to otherwise "normal" children with specific medical conditions such as diabetes.

The term in itself isn't indicative in the slightest of how any one child in themselves will be affected or will behave.

Grennie · 20/04/2014 23:14

Agreed Jack. I too have worked with children with SN. That has included children with a slight physical disability that has only a very small impact on them. to children with severe autism who are totally non verbal and indifferent to other people.

Original poster
InHerShoes · 20/04/2014 23:19

I'm pretty sure my op made it clear dd has social/emotional issues.

I still stand by the fact it shouldn't matter, it was a crappy thing to do.

Anyway. Watching the hobbit, drinking more gin. This thread has been an odd ride.

OP posts:
BakerStreetSaxRift · 21/04/2014 16:28

AIBU?

Yes

No I'm not, it was a crappy thing for her to do. She should have made her own child so tired and she tantrumed all night, was miserable the next day, and ruined a family gathering, all so my 10 year old could have second sleepover in a row and get her own way.

Okaaaaaaaay.

I maintain, you are probably a contributing factor in this.

RabbitSaysWoof · 21/04/2014 17:36

What Baker said.

patothechiefexec · 22/04/2014 07:45
Hmm
Anonynony · 22/04/2014 08:33

What Baker said, I LOVE the name my the way!!

maddy68 · 22/04/2014 09:07

I think she was perfectly reasonable. Your daughter was spending enough time there. Your niece was tired. I have a child with sen too. I understand that she has overreacted but that's something that she( and you) needs to learn to cope with.

kali110 · 22/04/2014 09:54

Think yabu. It was a shame for your dd yes but things do come up. She probably cancelled last minute as she saw how tired her own child was. Its was hardly going to be a fun night for yours if hers is crying or asleep.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 22/04/2014 11:45

I think YABU but it wasn't very nice if she did say for your DD "to get over it". These things happen, it wasn't horrible and she didn't do it to your DD, it was just one of those things. At nearly 10, despite what you say, she isn't a young child and accepting that plans change is something she will have to learn, even if it is hard.

Burren · 22/04/2014 11:56

But I didn't read the OP as saying that the OP's daughter needed to get over it. It sounds only as if the OP didn't think her sister took her niece's disappointment seriously enough, which the OP interpreted as 'dismissive'. We haven't been told what the sister's exact response was.

I too think YABU, OP. Yes, disappointing for your daughter, and it would have been nice to have more notice or if your sister had spoken directly to her on the phone to cheer her up, but your daughter had already spent a lot of time there, and had had a sleepover the night before, and the younger child may well have been grizzling and exhausted, and her mother needed to pay more attention to her than to her niece, or couldn't deal with one exhausted four year old and a crying ten year old on the end of a phone line.

I do think your choice is words is a bit histrionic - I would have said your sister's behaviour was understandable, but possibly slightly insensitive given your daughter's SN, rather than 'crappy' or 'horrible'. You can't prevent cancellations and behaviour you feel is less than ideal from other people, but you can - and should - begin to try to teach your daughter the emotional resilience to deal with ups and downs.

Sparklingbrook · 22/04/2014 12:11

Isn't this all done and dusted? The OP had a lovely day and has let it go.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 22/04/2014 15:52

Let it go, let it go. Can't hold it back anymore. Let it go, let it go, turn away and slam the door..................

(sorry!)

NurseyWursey · 22/04/2014 16:40

I think you're overreacting 'blindsided us' Hmm

It is horrible being disappointed when you're younger, but I think her reaction is a little extreme from the sounds of your posts, as is yours. They weren't being horrible, plans change especially with children. The your much younger niece was understandably tired, more tired then they would have realised originally. I don't think it would have been fair on her to keep the sleepover plans.

Hopefully your DP can have a nice night in with you and it'll help her deal with disappointment in future. I know we try out hardest to shield our children from it but sometimes it's impossible and it's not anyone's fault. Hope she's okay

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread