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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so sick of all of these "mums work 24 hours a day and get no pay" comments

167 replies

sezamcgregor · 17/04/2014 09:52

Just had a link to this on my FB news feed:

www.okcfox.com/Story/25244962/job-applicants-for-worlds-toughest-job-get-a-big-shock

Having had the last 6 years filled with such posts and comments from parents that they are cook, cleaner, psychologist, nurse etc etc and get either £0 or £20.80 per week for their 24 hour a day work - I'm SO bored of it now.

Anybody else??

OP posts:
weatherall · 17/04/2014 18:30

Not all children are the same level if hard work.

I could have 4 of my DD and they wouldn't be as much work as my DS.

Being at home felt much harder for me than being at work- and I have a job where I have to deal with bereaved families etc.

Cupid5tunt · 17/04/2014 18:31

Being a parent whether a stay at home one or not is not a "job", that's not to say it's not hard work but it's not a job.

I don't get the SAHP vs WOHP argument at all. It's often a personal choice, sometimes it's just what makes better sense. Some SAHPs have it more difficult than other SAHPs or WOHPs some WOHPs have it more difficult than other WOHPs or SAHPs. There is no rule that fits all.

I have never heard anyone arguing about this in RL and I don't get why people would care to argue that one is more difficult than the other. Confused

Doubtfuldaphne · 17/04/2014 18:33

I know a bomb disposal expert. I stay at home and look after a toddler who goes to nursery part time. I have no financial independance and often get bored and isolated. On the other hand I like to be at home and do all the cleaning and cooking. Dh doesn't help with any of it so there's a lot to do.
Anyway, the point is, I'm pretty sure my friend has a tougher job than me.
If I said to him that I had it rough, he would laugh in my face.

Viviennemary · 17/04/2014 18:36

I agree that being a parent is not a job. It's a role. But whether or not it's an easy option depends on the person and their circumstances.

zeezeek · 17/04/2014 18:38

I have a job which I love passionately and which I am very good at. I also love being with my DDs - but have never viewed it as a job. It is being a parent and it totally different to my (and any other) job.

Apart from people who have disabled children and are also their carers - like Mummywithsmiles - then how can being with your own children be a job? Surely it's more like a hobby? Something that you enjoy and do for pleasure?

mummywithsmiles25 · 17/04/2014 18:41

Not all stahm , are not nurses , i may as well be one so i actually include that as a description of my patenting x , and do feel in entitled to get paid for it as it would cost them alot more to pit me to work.

mummywithsmiles25 · 17/04/2014 18:42

thank you seek zeek i totally agree parenting isn't a job , in just saying its the hardness of it is down to each individual.

morethanpotatoprints · 17/04/2014 18:48

I can see why people term parenting as a job though, right or wrong.
There are roles and responsibilities, most parents want to do a good job and are self critical of their skills and abilities.
sometimes you have another to answer to about the choices you make in your parenting, another to discuss the role/job/responsibility of parenting. it can take negotiation between parents or between children.
A job is something that keeps you occupied/occupation.
I can see how parenting is a job.

Owllady · 17/04/2014 18:48

I agree with poundingthestreets earlier and its a shame women of either camp or complex make this issue a problem to do with other women

hotcrossbabblehag · 17/04/2014 18:50

I can't stand that one myself tbh, one mum put it up on fb and it got on my nerves so much, that I just had to comment, I was dating my dp at the time who was a working single father, I had also recently split from my ex (about 2 months earlier) who was also a single father to a young boy with special needs, it went something like this, "can we not change the words to parent please?? I know 2 guys that probably do more than us, I know one who does all that and works and has to be a rock for his older dsc too". Its not just mums, its dads too! Unfortunately though its those few dickheads that stop dads getting the acknowledgement they deserve, you know those ones that walk out without a second thought for their children, but that opens up a whole other argument.

maddening · 17/04/2014 18:52

so retropear you could quantify the value of a sahp is in direct proportion to the cost of childcare and you multiply it up per dc - so when the dc go to school and do not cost in childcare the value of a sahp goes down proportionally - all the other stuff plus childcare outside of childcare hours are equal but free time in those out of childcare hours is taken up doing all the other tasks a sahp can complete within childcare hours so a sahp can gain in extra free out of childcare hours and a sahp with dc in school have most free time outside of childcare hours - childcare hours being the time a child would be in childcare if the parent was working.

I'm sure that would make a good graph

BarbaraTheConeHairian · 17/04/2014 18:53

No, a SAHP is not just an unemployed person, at least not to the couples who make sacrifices to ensure there can be one.

It's sad that lots of people don't have the choice, but some people who do have the choice, make it through reason and love rather than just laziness.

mummywithsmiles25 · 17/04/2014 19:05

Is there a difference between one patent not working in a couple than a sing parent not working ?

Owllady · 17/04/2014 19:11

It depends what the singing patent is Wink

VeryStressedMum · 17/04/2014 19:13

Hardest job in the world?? I've been sitting on the sofa most of the day can't be arsed to do much, can't think of many jobs i could do that in. Then again I'm not getting paid, so why should i do any work [sits down on sofa again]

HappyMummyOfOne · 17/04/2014 19:29

"Is there a difference between one patent not working in a couple than a sing parent not working ?"

No, neither is doing a job and both are parents. Why would there be a difference?

Rommell · 17/04/2014 19:38

It takes seconds to become a parent, why on earth should people be praised for it?

I'm sure that on one level you could argue that that is true, but it is a particularly joyless soul-sucking interpretation of a miraculous and life-changing event that will colour every single action and thought you have for the rest of your life.

pianodoodle · 17/04/2014 19:56

Some nasty attitudes on here. Pathetic.

LittleMissDisorganized · 17/04/2014 20:03

I think part of what is so disgusting is that hard work is what people, including children, do in the sweat shops that produce many of our clothes and toys. Working 12+ hours for peanuts, trapped in effective slavery by poverty. Most of us get to do our "hard work" with a roof over our heads and food to feed our children.

And parenthood is a privilege, many people would give anything to have that experience, so the martyred attitude is insensitive at best.

mummywithsmiles25 · 17/04/2014 20:06

Sorry about typo ha daughter never leaves me lap. Typing one handed with a syringe in the other

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 17/04/2014 20:23

well little, it's all about context. Would you say that to someone who posted on here who was really struggling to cope with parenthood?

yes, most of us in this country are extremely fortunate compared to those that you mention but we are still human.

mummywithsmiles25 · 17/04/2014 20:30

This is the bottom line vamp your right its all about context.

people have this attitude where they think oh " i can do it , so why cant they ".

i bet there's other mums with disabled children that work who would feel if they can why cant others but each individual is different.

what others find easy others will find hard, unfortuntly even though we live in a fortunate country we also live in a country of ignorance and self entitlement.

workhouse · 17/04/2014 20:42

Maybe you should post a link to the Melba Montgomery song "No Charge", in reply OP.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gNc7-Co6tk

youwish · 17/04/2014 20:56

I too hate all that crap,not to mention the " cant have a wee alone/have a cup of tea as i am (wails) looking after a toddler!honestly.then they get all offended if you suggest they go to work then,if staying home is so hard!

Owllady · 17/04/2014 21:09

Mummywithsmilrs, I posted earlier about my circumstances and I agree with you. No one understands our life or circumstances, even if they try yo understand but over time you won't be dictated to. My 14 1/2 yo child has severe and complex learning and physical disabilities, including medical. I don't expect anyone to know what it is like for us day to day. If people judge us, they need to get a grip. Take no notice of people. People do what they have to do, that's what we are doing. Those that have the luxury of choice and judgement because they live by their own ideals, they don't live in the same world.
I do hope this helps