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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so sick of all of these "mums work 24 hours a day and get no pay" comments

167 replies

sezamcgregor · 17/04/2014 09:52

Just had a link to this on my FB news feed:

www.okcfox.com/Story/25244962/job-applicants-for-worlds-toughest-job-get-a-big-shock

Having had the last 6 years filled with such posts and comments from parents that they are cook, cleaner, psychologist, nurse etc etc and get either £0 or £20.80 per week for their 24 hour a day work - I'm SO bored of it now.

Anybody else??

OP posts:
chrome100 · 17/04/2014 11:16

I was a SAHM for a while and it was the easiest job I've ever had. I had aeons of time to do the housework, shopping etc, didn't have to get up that early, could sleep in the day when the DCs did. Now I work full time and have to cram all the housework into a few short hours and have to do actual WORK during the day which is far more tiring.

Tingatingatale · 17/04/2014 11:17

I'm a SAHM and find it tough. I have also worked in very stressful jobs. It is different though. I find being at home emotionally tiring. I have a two and a five year old and am on my own with them 14 hours a day. I also has full responsibility of keeping house clean. My kids make a hell of a mess. I must hear mum about 100 times a day. Working was tough but at least my house was empty so stayed tidy! My kids were looked after well in nursery and were shattered when they came home. It's now all down to me.

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 17/04/2014 11:18

I don't think it's a bad thing that people who have little chance of getting a 'good' job are assisted with the costs of having a child, I agree that every woman should have the right to reproduce.

arethereanyleftatall · 17/04/2014 11:18

Yanbu at all. I just thought 'oh shut the fuck up' when I saw it on my news feed.
Thing is, if you go ridiculously ott when you say something is hard, then it completely devalues what you're saying which is why people take the Piss - to counter some of the ridiculousness.
It isn't 24 - 7 because the vast majority of children sleep at some point
.
If we we're to say 'sonetines looking after children is the hardest thing in the world' then that would hold more sway.

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 17/04/2014 11:19

I don't think the practical side of parenting is the hard part, it's all the emotional stuff.

manicinsomniac · 17/04/2014 11:19

I've seen this on my fb but only posted by people taking the piss out of it!

YANBU

It's ridiculous. It people want to be a SAHM then good for them, perfectly valid life choice. But not a job.

andsmile · 17/04/2014 11:20

I dont think Im doing the world a favour and i dont expect thanks for it, in that vain of thinking woowoo but I do think the role of parents whether SAH or WOH should be valued more by society generally, in a positive way. It's only when things go wrong or kids have problems parents are then bashed. For example the current mumurings about starting education for 2 year olds based on evidence that some kids dont get the range or experience and interaction from their parents.

I agree with your last paragraph woowoo - it all gets a bit circular doesnt it.

vamp's I wonder how many of them people have actually tried chilling on front of daytime tv - sounds easy, quite probably attractive to those in stressful long hour jobs (eg my DH!) but it's pretty shit after a bit. If you are not careful you end up on the 'mother ruin' (gin) navel gazing. Howmany threads do we see on here that say to a SAHP, you must get out.

I have worked FT, PT and SAHP all have drawbacks. At the moment I'm trying to be more mindful, greatful for 'park weather' and Im visiting right now so away from the domestic open prison. I am trying to enjoy it but look forward to going back to work.

manicinsomniac · 17/04/2014 11:20

Unless you are a carer as well as a mum that is.

andsmile · 17/04/2014 11:22

also.. i know these are just labels but I think of a 'job' as paid employment and I think of being a parent as having a 'role' whether you also have a job.

Viviennemary · 17/04/2014 11:24

If you want to be an SAHM then be one. But please don't be a martyr and expect to be thanked for it by anyone.

andsmile · 17/04/2014 11:25

I hear ya tinga thats the overwhelming bit for me too...the emotional stuff.

I think I'd adore being a SAHM if I had a cleaner for all the extra mess and nanny for 30mins a day to do school run especially in the winter.

Rommell · 17/04/2014 11:25

MidniteScribbler - couldn't agree more with you re hard jobs and I agree with the examples you have given. Also, one of the most inspirational women I know is a friend who made a conscious decision not to have children. The reason that she made that decision was so that she could help the children that no-one else wanted to help. This work has taken her all over the world to the kind of places that other people avoid, and she has actively wanted to do this. She has held children that have never been held before as they died. She has risked her own life to get food and medicines into places that were exploding with civil war and strife. She has had her arse kicked, been double-crossed, been put in really dangerous situations by other people while she has helped these children. To say that the quite frankly heroic work that she does is somehow not as hard as if she had stayed at home and looked after children of her own is a complete nonsense.

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 17/04/2014 11:27

andsmile daytime tv actually makes me anxious! ha I love the idea of being a sahm but I hated it in reality, not because I don't enjoy being with my dc but because I had too much time to dwell on things which worsened any issues I had with 'low mood'.

Owllady · 17/04/2014 11:27

Well I find it hard but my eldest child is severely disabled, so I suppose I am half sahm, half carerConfused don't get paid for being a mum. I do however get a pittance for being a carer Wink

I have worked at the same time too over the years but it has become impossible to. I find all the 'I do the same as a sahm but work' or 'sahm is the hardest job in the world's thing a bit boring tbh, I don't know many other sahms or working mum's that do what I do

I now sound like I am a martyr Confused I am not!

mummywithsmiles25 · 17/04/2014 11:28

Oh can i add another thing that annoys me sorry 2 things that have been written on fb in the last 2 days.

one saying she hates the social as she is out of nappies and no 1 will help .. An 2 hrs later putting a pic up off her son in a new 65 pound Ralph shirt that she bought for him.

seriously ??????

i don't think people mind working and paying taxes for nappies but maybe not so you can buy your 3 month old a 65 pound t shirt ..sorry thought I would get that off my chest ??

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 17/04/2014 11:30

why on earth do people buy stupidly expensive clothes for babies and toddlers...?!

mummywithsmiles25 · 17/04/2014 11:32

If you can afford it crack on but don't complain about not being able to afford nappies because of the social erghhh.

my daughter lives in tescos and asdas sleepsuits she doesn't even own an outfit yet haha

arethereanyleftatall · 17/04/2014 11:35

I love your friend Rommel. They story gave me a lovely tingle. Some people are just fab aren't they.

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 17/04/2014 11:36

i think bodysuits/sleepsuits are more comfortable for young babies anyway. I would still quite happily put 2.8yo ds in a babygro... completely irrelevant to the thread, of course..

Jerboa · 17/04/2014 11:36

I think it does depend on the child/circumstances for how hard it is, but parenting an average child isn't the hardest job, or even close.

andsmile · 17/04/2014 11:38

Same here vamp I'm much better when Im busy in a focussed way. I am studying for a degree at the minute. I used to think how lovely it would be just to finish this washing up and have a coffee and read the paper instead of running to nursery and getting to work.....When I was teaching I used dream of stacking shelves in Asda... this is what I mean about doing more of this 'mindful thing'

DH says he would love to swap places. I think he would be a shadow after the first month. I never say I would like to do his job, mega stress, long commutes and allways run down. BUT I would like to go out to work...

Perfection doesnt exist...adopting a good enough principle is far more healthy.

mummywithsmiles25 · 17/04/2014 11:39

I also think we should remember that different people find different things hard , what may seem easy to me may seem impossible to you.

so no stahm experience is the same.

andsmile · 17/04/2014 11:39

vamp My 2.2 yr old - I still love getting her bathed, creamed, powered and put in a sleep suit ready for cuddles. I have some aged 2-3 stashed from sale for later in year. (sorry thread)

SarcyMare · 17/04/2014 11:40

i hate all the sweet sickly like farming facebook posts, "like if you love your daughter" after a poem so sickly i now need to clean the carpet.

andsmile · 17/04/2014 11:41

Exactly mummywith its all subjective. We all have our different levels of tolerance for different aspects of life.