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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so sick of all of these "mums work 24 hours a day and get no pay" comments

167 replies

sezamcgregor · 17/04/2014 09:52

Just had a link to this on my FB news feed:

www.okcfox.com/Story/25244962/job-applicants-for-worlds-toughest-job-get-a-big-shock

Having had the last 6 years filled with such posts and comments from parents that they are cook, cleaner, psychologist, nurse etc etc and get either £0 or £20.80 per week for their 24 hour a day work - I'm SO bored of it now.

Anybody else??

OP posts:
WilsonFrickett · 17/04/2014 11:42

Hard is hard.

Being a sahp or a wohp parent can be hard, of course they both can.

But that doesn't take away from the point that this video is trying to make, which is that somehow pushing a baby out of your fanjo (or sun roof) automatically makes you some kind of hero-saint. I enjoy my DS. He is my most treasured and beloved child. He's not some 'job'.

And again, what about the dads, which is my real beef with shit like that vid.

mummywithsmiles25 · 17/04/2014 11:43

Sorry i totally side tracked the thread , was still a fb comment thought so kind of fitted in. Haha andsmile i will be the same with dd.

Rommell · 17/04/2014 11:43

arethereanyleftatall she's pretty damn wonderful, I agree.

OwlCapone · 17/04/2014 11:48

If you want to be an SAHM then be one. But please don't be a martyr and expect to be thanked for it by anyone.

And if you want to be a WOHM then be one. But don't whine about childcare and how hard it is and how the government should help you more. Wink

TBH, I never hear any of this sort of thing in real life. There seems to be a need on MN to complain about the other side, whichever side that is, to try and justify your own choice or to make out you have it hardest. I couldn't give a stuff what others have chosen - just get on with it.

cloggal · 17/04/2014 11:52

Hear hear owlcapone
Repeat on all binary 'X is better than Y' threads.

ArtFine · 17/04/2014 12:01

I think you must have had an easy going (normal) baby.

However I didn't. I have a very demanding baby who wakes up every hour at night and has been doing so for six months. This is WITHOUT DOUBT the toughest job in the world. You are on duty 24 hours a day and there are no days off sick or to rest. So therefore YABU.

WooWooOwl · 17/04/2014 12:12

I had a demanding baby too, now that he's older I know he's autistic, but he didn't sleep for more than two hours at a time until he was two, needed constant stimulation or he would cry, which he did half the time anyway.

It was hard, no doubt about that, but there is no way I'd be small minded enough to say that it was WITHOUT DOUBT the toughest job in the world. Quite simply, it wasn't.

And even if it was, it was still something that I was doing for myself to benefit my own life, no one forced us to have children.

HappyMummyOfOne · 17/04/2014 12:14

Agree, those posts are just a joke. Bit like the salary ones people post who reckon they should be paid more than surgeons etc.

All adults who live on their own place cook, clean, pay the bills etc. Choosing to be a parent isn't a job in any shape or form and looking after your own child is not childcare but simply parenting.

mummywithsmiles25 · 17/04/2014 12:28

But we all judge based on our circumstances.

how about we all have different strengths and we all cope with things differently

PoundingTheStreets · 17/04/2014 12:36

While I'll admit to it making a little bit of vomit creep up the back of my throat at the over-the-top tweeness, I don't understand all the vitriol.

I think it's a good thing that we acknowledge just how demanding parenthood is and how it is economically hugely undervalued in this country. Someone has to look after the children, and to do that either requires a parent WOHing and paying for it or someone else SAHing and being dependent on another's income, but it's not possible to do both at the same time.

The biggest con society has fed itself is the idea that caring for children is something that is unimportant.

uselessidiot · 17/04/2014 13:19

I seriously suspect many people post this in response to the amount of grief they get being called lazy etc.

Personally I do find parenting tiring and have moments when I really envy colleagues when they say they're going home for a nap. Yes,btw I do realise I have no right to be tired, I do love my children and before anyone starts I've heard pretty much every explanation of how bad a mum I am. I would like to point out though that I still do what needs doing even when I'm tired.

grumpasaur · 17/04/2014 13:28

THIS DRIVES ME CRAZY!!!! Actually crazy.

  1. what about those poor people who actually thought they had an interview just to have their time wasted.

  2. yes, being a parent is tough (well so I hear again and again, I have chosen not to have children myself). There are plenty of worse jobs out there, for sure. Children give joy, magic, laughter, happiness, love, etc etc etc in addition to all the work they entail. I work in HIV and sexual health focusing on abuse and rape... I can tell you that is hard work, and it isn't offset by any magic or joy, and I get paid rubbish, and I take my work home with me, and work harder during holiday seasons, etc etc. but I love my work, I care about it, and I don't go around asking everyone and their dog to pity me!!!!!

They are CHILDREN ffs!

Callani · 17/04/2014 13:37

Hardest job in the world? How about being a carer? This thing that people get launched into through no choice of their own. Either struggling to fit caring duties around jobs, downgrading to part time to fit things in, or trying to make ends meet on the pittance that is carers allowance.

Carers save the country £millions and yet at every turn they are completely devalued - not just by people but by the government classing their benefits amongst the other "scroungers".

Being a SAHP is a luxury people choose; being a carer is a hardship that is forced upon people.

PoundingTheStreets · 17/04/2014 13:53

I'm not sure being a SAHP is always a choice. I know that for quite a few years it cost me to work and I was running at a loss TBH. But I don't think that detracts from your point about caring. Carer's Allowance is a joke and the way caring is valued by society and successive governments is scandalous.

I can't help but pick up on the fact that both SAHPing and caring are roles that are overwhelmingly carried out by women though, and quite often both at the same time.

Philoslothy · 17/04/2014 14:06

I am sure there are SAHP who work hard, however for many others it is an easy life and something of a luxury .

A month ago I was at work. I got up at 5am to do housework . I then worked from. 7am until 6pm. Between 6pm and 7 pm I cooked, cleaned and cared for the children . I then worked again until around midnight, before getting up to fob the same again .

I am now at home with five children. I didn't get up until 7:00. I had a leisurely breakfast with DH while feeding dd3. I then took the children with me while I went for a horse ride. I then met friends for coffee and lunch. While I was out I set the roomba, washing machine and dishwasher to work while I swanned about. When I get back I will do about two hours of light housework and make a meal.

I could not expect to be paid for that kind of life.

Custardo · 17/04/2014 14:12

for most having children is a choice

going to work is not

sahms stop fucking whinging and get a job

Callani · 17/04/2014 14:12

I've just googled roomba and I'm quite jealous!

PersonOfInterest · 17/04/2014 14:16

Never seen a post like this on fb. Delete them, get new friends or just block them if you don't like them. No need to winge here, its very solvable.

findingherfeet · 17/04/2014 14:57

What I don't understand is the misconception that working mums don't do these things....Cook/clean/sleepless nights/caring for poorly little ones - they just have to work on top.

IAmNotYourAnemone · 17/04/2014 15:08

It is a job, and it is worthy of respect, like other jobs. Also, if you bear the brunt as an SAHM thing in the nights and evenings, well in many other jobs you would be paid for the unsocial hours, so obviously that does have some extra value.

@MidniteScribbler

I love the way you don't mention the third friend's job. Like the first two do those things for a living, but the thirs? That's just her hobby. :)

javotte · 17/04/2014 15:14

finding if your children are at home with you, there is much more housework than if they are at school / in childcare.

PoundingTheStreets · 17/04/2014 15:18

I wish we wouldn;t have the WOHM/SAHM debate. I think it misses the point.

The point - as far as I see it - is that it is still overwhelmingly women who have the pretty thankless and unpaid task of caring for children and have to either sacrifice their own independence for the privilege or pay another (usually female) to care for their children in their absence.

Having children and the effect they will have on that woman's life, freedom and financial situation is still a consideration for women in a way that simply hardly ever affects men in the same way.

Theodorous · 17/04/2014 15:20

First I had 9 days second was 11 days and was choice not to quit (but as main earner and sponsor of my husband in ME) had to do it. Had live in help but not the point. Luckily my husband works in a school so was off a lot of the time. My point is that if you sign up to a career you can't always expect to be an exception. I was kept onshore for a few weeks on return. My Job is much harder than staying at home. Luckily we have family friendly working that means school plays etc and off duty call outs are mill.

numptieseverywhere · 17/04/2014 15:35

when people say "fuck off with your whinging sahms and get a job" they don't half sound resentful and or envious.

Aventurine · 17/04/2014 15:39

I don't understand when people say they do all that a sahm does and work too. Unless they are a childminder and have their own children with them while they work then they don't, as someone else is caring for their child for them while they work. It seems martyrish and untrue to say that.