To be so sick of all of these "mums work 24 hours a day and get no pay" comments

[sezamcgregor]

Just had a link to this on my FB news feed:

www.okcfox.com/Story/25244962/job-applicants-for-worlds-toughest-job-get-a-big-shock

Having had the last 6 years filled with such posts and comments from parents that they are cook, cleaner, psychologist, nurse etc etc and get either £0 or £20.80 per week for their 24 hour a day work - I'm SO bored of it now.

Anybody else??

I was going to ask where happymumofone was but I see she's got her spoke in already. She must have a siren than goes off when a thread like this starts

I totally agree Pounding - depressing how little fathers have been mentioned on this thread.

javotte I think there is some more work, but a lot? I'm not so sure. Kids toys, for example - they get them out as soon as they get in and they need tidying up. Unless you constantly tidy around your kids, surely you still only do it once or twice a day? There is one meal less clearing up to contend with. There is as much laundry - both clothes and towels/bedding - whether you are out all day or not. I really can't see why there is a lot more work created by SAH kids.
Anyway, we should probably all stop moaning as we have won the lottery of life by living in Western Europe. Lots have it much tougher.

Aventurine - people usually make these statements because they do do 90% of the things in the SAHM job description. Yes, while they are physically at work they are not physically looking after their children but that is generally for only part of the day. They still have to get up to their children in the night, look after them when they are ill, listen to their problems, cook meals, do the cleaning (yes, less slightly less mess if DC not in the house), take DC to school etc.

Posts like the one referenced in the OP always compare what a SAHP does in 24 hours versus what a WOHP does in 8. If you compared what the SAHP did between (say) 9-5 with what a WOHP did from 9-5 a lot of the reasons for it being "the toughest ever job" go out the window.

When I was on mat leave with a baby and toddler my husband mucked in equally when he was at home, but if he had come home from work and claimed that he had done everything I did plus worked too, I would have been pretty fucked off as I'd done the donkey work during the day which I definitely found the hardest bit. It's why people with babies and toddlers often say they go to work for a break

I've recently stopped working as have a new baby (and a two year old), I can honestly say it's easier being at home, I still make all three meals - but in no rush, I still wash all the family's clothes and clean our home but I don't have to do it all once kids are asleep or first thing.

If my daughter was up in the night when I worked, I'd be up with her and work the next day. If she was unwell I'd take time of to look after her.

I think being at home with my children is a privilege not many can afford and I think it's a very important role and time I (and they) will hugely benefit from.

But enjoying my kids all day and 'working' to my own schedule is a hell of a lot easier than working a stressful job and having a family to care for (just my experience, I have utmost respect for full time working mums - they still look after their family!)

cardibach I agree that we are very lucky and I don't like the working mother / SAHM debate.
I have been a working mother. I am now a SAHM to two homeschooled children and a baby. The amount of extra housework is unbelievable.

aventurine I agree that work feels like a break. It is the headspace that makes the difference, I think. When I was at work I could go to the loo without a baby clinging to my leg. I could sit down for 10 minutes with a cup of coffee without having to worry about the safety of 3 people.

Being a SAHM is not the toughest job in the world. But then, none of the jobs in the world except one are.

The point of my post was not to say that SAHM or mums that have a job that they either go to or do from home work any harder than the other - but to point out that we're not told that we'll get a salary for looking after our children. No-one tells us that OH will pay us to iron his shirts or that we'll get a bonus if we have to clear up sick.

No-one gets paid a salary to look after their own children, so why do parents keep posting things suggesting that they should?

I found it harder being at home with small kids all day than working with small kids. Just depends what you find easier I guess.

fuck me people are bitchy , why the hating?

then again me and my SAHD partner are in a constant "who works the hardest" competition. Obviously its ME

but both jobs are hard, both. Yes it might be "easy" to do a school run then fuck off for a cofee but you there are many disadvantes too

like the fact you dont earn you own money and if your partner fucks off you are FUCKED sideways

opps, easy on the usage of "fuck"

Fromparistoberlin your last statement is v true ..too many stahp with partners moan about how they pay for other people etc and rely on benefits ,they can afford to be stahp bla bla ... But they are not financially stable they are being provided for by there partners ! ...they would soon be on the phone to the job centre if he walked .

I think it depends what you do at work and what you do as a sahm. The constant arguments of who does what are more annoying than the OPs fb messages.
do what you want for your family.
Can't say more or I'm accused of smuggary

Also, how about these scenarios -

stahp 1- does house work daily , cooks meals from scratch , plays and interacts with children , bed time stories etc

stahp 2 - house is a mess , takeouts or frozen food , kids entertain thereselfs etc

obviously first one works harder

working parent 1 .. Works intensivly at work , long hours puts everything she has in to it.goes home does dinner and bed time stories etc

working parent 2...lazy ,avoids duties ... Slow etc. Goes home puts a ready meal in , you get the point

its all subjective on what you actually do not what people assume you do.

in this case stahp 1 works harder than working parent 2.

and working parent 1 stahm 1 probably equal.

and working mum 1 works harder than stahm 2.

its an endless argument !!

if that made any sense

Seems a fair assessment mummy. Note to self to avoid endless sahm/woh threads in future. They always have the same cliches trotted out.

mummy

You are completely right, especially the bit about perceptions.
I don't think I work harder than anybody else but I don't define being a sahm as just housework and dc. There are lots of other things I do that certainly wouldn't be done without me doing them.
I also H.ed our youngest dc, but still refer to myself as a sahm because some parents H.ed and work.
I help dh with his business, only little things but some days they are quite time consuming.
On paper though I'm a sahp who people assume know what I do all day.
I'm sure there are wrong perceptions made about working parents too.

Parenting and marriage need to stop being likened to jobs.

They're not jobs; you don't get promotions, fired, or to take a leave of absence. And, usually, you don't get paid.

If these things are looked at as jobs, it's no wonder people are so depressed. Does it mean the person with a rich spouse and the most successful children worked harder?

A job is something we all have to do. Marriage and parenting is not; we should have chosen them because they both make us happy.

Yay another bash a sahm thread.

Within the list there is a lot wp don't do for several hours a day because they're not there several hours a day.

Some is done after work but considering many young children are in bed at 7 sahp are covering several items on said list for longer or totally.

Many wp may well need many of said skills in their out of home job but I think said author was trying to point out what valuable skills sahp need in a role that is incredibly undervalued.This thread has pretty much proved his/her point.

I think it's also that these 'hardest job in the world' things are often said by people who are feeling a bit insecure about their position and need to self-justify. IME often they're the ones who are not having a particularly hard time of it so feel a bit judged and are defending themselves.

I have a friend who without fail puts this nonsense on fb and spouts it in real life. She is a SAHM to a 7 and nearly 6 yr old who are in full-time school. Both sets of youngish grandparents live in the village, do lots of the pick ups from school plus have the kids over to sleep once or twice a week. She lives in an inherited, mortgage-free 4 bed house with a pool and has a cleaner. She has a wonderful life - tennis and piano lessons every week (for her), personal trainer twice a week, boozy mid-week shopping trips to London, gardening, craft, helping out at school etc. That is not supposed to be a criticism at all - the children are very well-looked after and happy, she and her DH have a very happy relaxed life, the GPs love seeing so much of their children, she puts in lots of effort at school PTA etc so benefits the community, she's not relying on the state to pay for any of this so good luck to them. BUT as the kids get older and more and more of her friends go back to work she clearly feels judged so constantly justifies it on the basis of naff Daily Mail 'A SAHM is worth £120K pa' 'after school club is emotional abuse' type of articles. Naturally that gets people's backs up and so perpetuates the insecurity.

It's quite silly to have who works the hardest contests - I'm not sure that working hard is the purpose of life in any case (though it can be the route to many valuable things)

But the fact is many parents would rather eat their own hair than be a sahp so they do employ others to step into their shoes in various roles which does cost.

Many sahp do it because they are well suited to it and have qualities that make it work.

Wp have their qualities praised not getting why those fulfilling an important job at home which when outsourced takes training and several qualities to obtain said roles shouldn't too.

I had someone tag me in that job description on FB. It really really pisses me off to see and hear things like this. Being a parent is NOT a job. It's a life choice. Staying at home to raise children is NOT a job! I get sick of hearing the 'I'm a taxi driver, nurse, psychologist,' yada yada yada crap. Stay at home parents are NOT nurses, psychologists etc they are PARENTS. It's not hard to understand is it? I stayed at home for a few years but it was NOT a job. It was a choice I made. I returned to my job a few years later. Staying at home was a walk in the park compared to working.

being a parent isn't a job - it is a choice, a human state, a biological urge etc to do it we have to gather food and provide shelter which we have evolved into our modern world with jobs and homes and cars and financial, economical, ideological, social frameworks to do that.

whether a wohp or a sahp you are a parent. Whether what you have to do what you do is your choice or a financial necessity is what drives resentment imo - and the taking of that choice is often taken as a criticism of the other.

I was a sahp for 2.5 years - it was lovely but hard work. I enjoyed days out, baby and toddler groups, seeing friends, playdates, swimming lessons, visiting nana etc and could get other non childcare related tasks done while with ds I can imagine it would be much harder with 2 or 3 or more young dc

I have been a wohp for a year and our work hours work well with affordable childcare but it is hard to get all the other stuff done - I run round a lot in my lunch break and visiting and seeing friends etc takes all weekends up and I am doing house work a lot in the evening and any spare weekends are taken up trying to catch up with housework - I have to be very organised to keep on top of it all and it is hard with stuff like calling companies etc and getting parcels delivered and just keeping on top of paperwork etc as when I sit down in the evening it can be too late to call etc again it would be harder still with more dc

each choice - if you have a choice - is so different and does not devalue the other. If you have no choice and have to work when you would prefer to be a sahp or otherwise then it can be quite grating to hear others moan about it.

It is a job. It is not necessarily thankless or unpaid, though. :)

Yes childcare costs and needs some courses/training but that's because it all includes early years education unless employing a nanny.

A SAHP is just an unemployed person. All parents care for their children, be it all day or part. You don't stop being a parent as you are at work or the child is at school.

The taxi driver, nurse etc thing is just sheer stupidity.

It takes seconds to become a parent, why on earth should people be praised for it?

"if you have a choice"
This is the issue.
Many people don't have a choice. I suspect the more vociferous posters, mouthing off against sahms on an alarmingly frequent basis, have zero choice. And their contempt is borne out of frustration, resentment and envy. I've seen it too many times here..