To not want PIL to kiss DD on the mouth

[Balistapus]

I know some families do this, kissing children on the mouth, but I think it's wrong.

PIL came for a visit last week and when they left they both kissed DD, 8 months, on the mouth. I was too shocked to say anything, but feel very uncomfortable about it.

How/ when do I broach the subject with them?

OP- seriously- please listen to the overwhelming majority on here. What you are about to do has the potential to cause untold hurt, and the sort of damage to a family that echoes down the years. I am not exaggerating. There is no way you can say this makes you uncomfortable without implying that the grandparents are doing something inappropriate. No way at all.

Really? DH and I kiss our children on the lips and my parents kiss my children on the lips too. My children are 6 and 4. I think it is strange you feel the way you do to be honest.

val if you said they to me I would be extremely hurt and offended as it obviously has undertones of your actions to my baby, your granddaughter, are weird and sexual

My son and you would be left in no uncertain terms that both me and dh were extremely hurt and may even steer clear of you.

Actually I wouldn't babysit for you ever as I would be terrified of being accused of dreadful things.

I would also assume you meant to be hurtful and nasty and I would never forgive you.

There you go. Just my take.

However the vast majority of posters here have warned you but you obviously feel you know better/don't care.

Your call.

I came on here to say just what Martorana said. Please - don't be selfish. This is your stuff, not theirs. They are doing nothing wrong, and unless you teach your child it's wrong your DD will see it as normal and affectionate as well.

Thebody - I would feel exactly the same as you.

thebody, I completely agree, I would be mortified if my dil said that to me.

I feel sorry for the Bany in this who has never had a kiss from her parents :(

*baby

I hated being kissed by people as I said earlier but I would kiss my son and, my DH is fine to too, I just wouldn't let anyone else kiss him on the lips. I know exactly what has gone into or around my mouth, my DH's step-dad is also a secret smoker so I REALLY wouldn't want him to. For some reason I always found other people kissing me absolutely revolting so couldn't see people do it to him either.

But, in response to your actual question! I would probably approach it in an - I'm really sorry, and this may sound really daft, but do you mind not kissing him on the lips as for some reason it makes me worry about all of the bugs and colds that are going around and can be contagious before symptoms appear. I'm probably being neurotic but for some reason I can't shake it. - or something along those lines, then hopefully they won't be offended as it isn't their fault if they catch anything and accidentally pass it on, and I'm sure they wouldn't want you to worry either.

I also have had issues with contamination OCD before so maybe my answer is too tailored to that as that is the thing that worries me, and then I would be awake all night panicking so and everyone knows I'm a bit neurotic!

Oh yes poor poor inlaws. They will be wounded for life for being asked to respect boundaries.

For LIFE I tells yas.

What boundaries? A kiss of affection between a loving grandparent and a loving grandchild doesn't cross any boundaries that I can see.

Exactly squoosh.

If you're happy that the consequences will probably be your in laws never being relaxed around your child and severely damaging their relationship with her at such an early age because they are terrified of what they'll do wrong next - sure, go ahead...

If it doesnt harm the child, what harm is it to let it continue?

In fact, it is probably doing more good than harm. Showing affection is usually a good thing.

If you say anything, it will probably get you into the bad books. Id aslo let your DH handle it.

Alternativly maybe you could say something like "baby may have aquired cold sores, which are infectious so doctor has said it would be unwise to kiss baby on lips"

I would ask them to stick to cheeks, as it would bother me too.

Yes exactly dunsborough. Poor inlaws. They aren't doing anything wrong.

"Severely damaging" their relationship?

A tad melodramatic methinks.

Nope. Seen it before with family members. The hidden implication that they are doing something so wrong, especially when the way affection is shown and the suggestion of impropriety, it's not pleasant and it makes people wary to do very much.

op, you're being a nobber

I find it odd that everyone would interpret it as an accusation of something sexual (unless it was the wording of wrong perhaps?), again it may be because of my history but I would automatically assume it was germ related.

'I am not comfortable with kissing on the lips. I do not think it is wrong, but my parents did not raise me in this way, so I am not used to it and will be really grateful if you respect this and not kiss my daughter on the lips.'

Flip's sake, if my sister-in-law parroted this to my mum, she would totally shocked and upset. This thread is like being in an alternate universe. I just don't get why you would damage a relationship with close family members for the sake of...what?

Custardo said it better.

" A kiss of affection between a loving grandparent and a loving grandchild doesn't cross any boundaries that I can see." - just because this behaviour ( on the lips specifically ) doesn't cross your boundaries doesn't mean it doesn't cross other people's.

I'm a carnivore, but if my vegetarian sister asked me not to give bacon sandwiches to her son I would respect that.

Thanks for your posts Dunsborough, but I think this debate is futile.

No hidden implication here, op has stated kissing on the lips is romantic and wrong therefore we are kissing our children in a romantic ie sexual way

Bacon sandwiches and smacking being used as sort of alternate examples? Hm, very measured.