AIBU to think I am being treated horribly?

[CompletelyBroken]

(I've changed my name to post this thread)

I'm a grown woman who has returned from work in tears because I am being bullied so badly :(

The training process has been horrible. There's no other way to describe it.

The girl who was asked to train me first is rude, patronising, and deliberately argumentative. She talks to me like I am a child, looks for ways to make me feel stupid and is extremely rude and snappy.

She explains many things halfway and then when I ask follow up questions, she insists that she's already covered it with me. Apparently explaining something in detail and mentioning something in passing are now the same things.

If I encounter something new, she either says 'I've done this with you' or she starts a guessing game- 'So.What do you think you should do?'
I appreciate that nobody wants to spoon-feed me (and I don't want that either!) but there are some things that I have virtually no way of knowing unless someone tells me. There are other times when I'll figure out 90% of what to do and just a need a confirmation regarding the next step. In these scenarios, especially with deadline-driven tasks, it is neither efficient nor effective to get me to sit there for an hour trying to "guess" what to do next.

On most occasions when I ask questions I am made to feel like a stupid nuisance. Often I am given vague answers like "You need to look into it" with no description whatsoever of how to go about it.

I feel small and humiliated and my work is affected because I dread having to ask a question or confirm something with a colleague.

I had one ally in the team but lately he has also become irritable and patronising with me. He has always maintained that this other colleague is very rude and awful (she is like that with him as well) but he has now stared ganging up against me with her.

A couple of days ago both of them refused to clarify something for me ( I had already figured out the issue and the solution, I merely wanted details of a contact that I had no way of knowing). My female colleague first started the usual guessing game with me- who do you think the contact is? What would you do?

I admit I was quite exasperated with all this, and I just cut myself away from the situation by saying "Thanks, i'll figure it out". She kept going after me and smirking and saying " Oh but X, what do you think you should do? Didn't I just explain this to you? that's what I'm saying.... blah blah". I didn't respond and I cut her short because I didn't see the point of this pointless back and forth. I had just about had it.

I emailed the colleague I thought was my friend to ask him for help but to my shock he started the same guessing game and was equally patronising with me. It was evident that he didn't even understand the issue because response I got was completely unrelated.

I finally had to confirm with third person only to have this colleague email me back to say that I had offended him and the other girl because I had "gone against" them by asking a third person. He said that this was their way of teaching me and I should figure it out myself no matter how long it takes.

Now I completely agree that I need to figure it out myself (and that is what I do), but there are times when the issue will be something I have no way of figuring out myself and someone will have to tell me. There will be other times when it isn't feasible to have me or anyone else sitting there trying to guess something for hours on end.

I am tired of being spoken to badly, humiliated and feeling constantly scared and afraid of asking questions or worrying about what someone is going to say to me next. Every time I object, I am patronised and told it's all for "my own good" and this is how I'll learn. Colleagues who are on the same level as I am act like my managers and the whole thing is very paternalistic.

I haven't stopped crying since I came home and I am absolutely miserable.

I was bullied constantly in school as well and this has brought back some terrible memories.

I should add- my supervisor doesn't seem to like me at all. She is visibly colder with me than with everyone else and she often acts like she hasn't heard what I said.

Poor you. Sounds horrible. I'm going to read back through your post to see if I can think of anything. Hopefully this one will bump up your thread for others to help also.

Been here 3 months. Don't know if I should reveal the sector... but this is a complicated job. Involves loads of numbers and calculations and complicated operating systems.

YANBU. I bloody hate bullies!

Bullies are cowards (and the colleague who is now siding with her should be ashamed of himself).
I would confront her personally, "You've obviously got a problem with me - shall we discuss it? Or should we let HR deal with this?"

Obviously as you were bullied at school I appreciate this may be difficult, but I can almost guarantee that if you stand up to her she'll back down. She sounds like a nasty cow.

Do they have an HR department?

I'm not a controversial person by nature but I have tried to be assertive with this colleague and to try to call her out on her bullying.

Unfortunately, it didn't help much at all. She just got worse.

That sounds truly horrific. Is your contact with this bully likely just to be short term or will you have to work with her for the forseeable future. Have you a supervisor you could talk to? I see she is not very nice either. But I still think it could be worth raising the issue with her. Nobody but nobody should have to put up with this.

Yes there is an HR department.

But given that I am still new, I am hesitant to talk to anyone about it. They've been here longer. At the end of the day, everyone will believe them and they will also stick together.

I would start keeping a diary, giving specific examples, word for word as much as you can.

You really need to talk to somebody at work about this. HR? Is there anyone else who could do the training?

I mentioned it briefly to my supervisor but she told me off, asked me to be the bigger person and to try and be more professional

Go with specific examples. You could phrase it as "I have some concerns about my training. There are gaps. When I ask for confirmation this happens.' Don't bring your feelings into it. Tell them what you know. I said this, the response was X.

No, nobody else can do most parts of the training. :( Where possible I try and avoid the troublemakers and ask someone else.

Your supervisor has a duty of care. Join a union if you are not in one already.

Do you want to stay at this place?

nobody else can do most parts of the training.

Seriously? That doesn't sound very organised. Isn't there a manual or a set procedure?

No unions in my line of work.

Yes, I want to stay at this place. Not because it's such a joy, but because I really need this job for reasons I won't get into.

What in hell organisation are you working for, OP? Satan's Sycophants Inc.? I'm not surprised that you're upset. I would be too.

Can you answer these, OP?

What's the training for? Is it return to work? A new job? A revised job?
How long does the training go on for?
Do you need the training or is it just something that's a 'tick-box' thing?
Who is the trainer? Has she been doing your job? Is she a trainer who is qualified?
What level is the trainer? You say that your colleagues are on the same level as you... are they all on that level?
What's your reporting structure? Would you be able to speak to your line manager?

• When she speaks to you in a way that isn't appropriate, you need a 'stop it' sentence. There's the MN "did you mean to be so rude?" but I don't like that one personally... I'd probably ask, "Who do you think you're talking to?"

• When she doesn't explain properly (because she obviously doesn't) - tell her that you're being patient with her but that if she doesn't start explaining in a proper manner, you'll take it further yourself. She will be looking for feedback on her training, they all do - let her know that you'll be giving it.

• Ask her to either provide training documentation or give you time to make notes because, quite frankly, what she's covering - and how it is covered - is inadequate.

• Tell her that you won't be interacting with the guessing game, that you would prefer the information straight and ask her to just answer the questions as and when you ask them.

• If she's reluctant to answer your questions - ask her who her supervisor/boss is and you will ask them. Ignore your other colleague; he will change with the tide once he sees that you're not allowing yourself to be pushed around anymore.

• If the training isn't working for you then ask your boss what alternatives are available. Are you the type who would prefer a manual and work through it yourself? I'm like this - I don't mind training but prefer to zip through the manual myself.

You're being bullied and you need to document everything that you've written here. Go to your Union and/or boss and ask them to review your complaint.

Get your CV up to date and keep that updated so that you can immediately apply should a good job come up that you would like to apply for.

DO NOT let these people push you around. They're only doing this because a) they're on some kind of pathetic ego-trip and b) they think you won't do anything about them. Don't let them keep doing this to you.

Chin up, take action.

x-posted with lots of posters, apologies for any duplication.

There are manual procedures for some of the tasks, but many of the tasks are complicated and can only be explained and demonstrated by someone who knows how. Besides, the procedures don't describe what to do when things aren't the way they're supposed to be. We get loads of exceptions to the rule.

Kick her in the nuts

Could you approach it as a problem to be solved. Such as 'I think I learn better when I am shown what to do - I appreciate your training style is a bit more about guesswork, but I find the information doesn't stay in my head as well that way. Would you mind just answering my questions so that I can get all this information straight in my head - I don't want to waste either of our time if we can avoid it.'

Send her this in an e-mail maybe so that you will have her response on record - if she refuses to train you in a way that is effective and saves time, then surely someone higher up will want to know about it!

Besides, the procedures don't describe what to do when things aren't the way they're supposed to be. We get loads of exceptions to the rule.

Do management know this? Should it be like this or has it evolved into this mess because your dept are coping with other depts' non-adherance? How do you know that what she is telling you is right?

If there is no proper description of the job then how will you be assessed when it comes to appraisal time. Try asking HR that!

Just typed up a big response and its vanished -

Basically ask all questions to then by email and as them to respond to you by email only. If they come over to start the guessing game tell them you want a response by email so you have a note if the answer and won't need to ask them about it at a later date. That way you are making it should like its for there benefit when really it's for yours.

Keep note of all dates and times / questions asked / response / throw away comments etc. this will make it easier of you do need to go to HR for bullying and harassment.

If you have just stated the job and its quite involved its not fair to expect you to have memorised everything already.

Do you have a manager you can complain to rather than go directly to HR?

In my job we just don't have much time to train new starts and it is very much a case of learning on the job. We need people to show plenty of initiative, figure things out for themselves by looking at lots of previous examples etc. (Mine is also a very technical field with lots of calculations, systems etc.)

There is no excuse for them being rude to you, and you should seek to deal with that, but I am wondering if there's a different side to this and whether they feel you should be able to do more on your own by now. But without knowing the work it's hard to say.

If it's a smaller firm, procedures etc won't be up to the same standard as larger firms - I know a former colleague of mine found that very hard to deal with, whereas I like the flexibility. Neither is right, it's a question of temperment.