27 year old Grandmother

[bongobaby]

Her 12 year old daughter has given birth last Sundayand the dad is 13. She fell pregnant in year 6 of primary school. They are totally in love and into each other and want to get married.
Why an earth would you want to be a grandmother at 27 with a daughter of 12 now a mother.

Cross posts. Will the poor woman be a great-grandmother before she's 40...?

"Of course there isn't, but I think that making the best out of this situation should involve the grandparents identifying what the hell went so wrong, that their little children started having sex at 11. "

Do we know that they arent doing this?

I'm with thegreylady in that a little girl of 11 should be playing with dolls not having sex. Her childhood has now ended.

Well just like educating my dd about smoking, running across the road I've said that other children may do it or say that they do, sex at such a young age is wrong, it has consequences & if you have respect for yourself you will not be talked into it & give in to peer pressure. Surely at age 11 as well as education, discipline should play a part?

Gosh as a parent it's also upto you as well as school to educate children about sex. How is it offensive to think that an 11 year old child should not be getting pregnant. I have a ds and we had a chat when he was 10 about how to protect himself when he is older and chooses to have sex, not only from unwanted pregnancy but from std's aswell. To which he replied "I want my willy to stay pretty mum" when I explained to him about the use of condoms re std's.
Today he has seen the headline on the front page and said "urgh that's young I don't want to do that til I'm older" can I go and play minecraft now"
It's hard not to be judgemental of the situation given the ages of the children involved.

"At 11, if I wasn't on the way to or from school I was being supervised by adults"

And what about in the school holidays? Were you not out with friends then? Unsupervised..

This girl would have got pregnant last summer during the holidays.

You can educate and discipline til you are blue in the face. Your children will break your rules. Hopefully not ones that end up with awful consequences for them but you dont get a say in which ones they break. You just get to warn them of the consequences and hope your message sinks in.

I really don't think any parent would be over the moon. But that isn't to say that if you found out you wouldn't do your best to protect your child and grandchild going forward.

In this case it has been shown by Grandmother, Mother and Father coming out publicly to stand by their grand/daughter and her boyfriend and their child.

I would put money on their being plenty of tears behind closed doors. It doesn't necessarily make anyone a bad parent if their child makes the wrong choice, how they deal with the wrong choice could.

In this case, in my friends case, in my other friends sons case it's made them all a very strong, protective family unit.

Would they have chosen it for their child? Most likely not (I would be shocked at anyone who would) but they are good parents in my eyes for standing up for, sticking by and looking out for their daughter when she needs it most. They found out when it was too late what was going on or that she was pregnant if what has been said by them is to be believed so this is the option they have left at protecting their child and grandchild.

I have no idea. I'm inclined to think that an 11 year old having sex is a sign of something very wrong, emotionally, within a family, and that doesn't really lend itself to personal reflection and seeking help. But who knows, maybe they will get huge amounts of support from social services and other professionals and turn it all around. That would be a good ending. Maybe they wont. I've seen quite a few comments online along the lines of 'age doesn't make you a bad or good parent', and that worries me because these aren't just young parents. They are children, not even teenagers. And being young might not stop you being a good parents, but it limits your experiences and your emotional understanding and development. Who will make decisions about the baby's medical care? Can a 12 year old register a birth? Does a 14/15 year old understand enough to start choosing a primary school? I have no idea how this will turn out.

No, SpringBreaker, I really wasn't. Playing at home with DB or on organised "play dates" although of course they weren't called that then.

Totally agree cupid

I'd imagine the baby will be put in care. I can't see how else this will pan out.

Good point though about the timing - July/August for an April baby.

When she needed them most was when she started having sex.

If this was my child I would really hope she'd opt for a termination.

Why won't the baby live with them? A 27yo is obviously capable of seeing that baby's needs are met, and the 12yo will learn. But I just keep coming back to how hard it will be for her to finish school to build a future.

Squoosh this girl didnt tell her parent til a month before baby arrived. Too late for termination. She probably had no clue o her options. Or even if she had any.

She was 8 months pregnant by the time anyone realised; way too late to terminate.

Also- in NI where i am, termination not so easy to get. My GP wont even prescribe the fucking pill for a woman of legal age!

This is not rare. My dsis us teaching girls who are on their second pregnancy. She recently mentioned one who's first child was in primary. I realize that I must educate my dd well before secondary education, but whether that will help with smart phone educated children influencing her I don't know.

Ah, didn't realise the pregnancy was only spotted late on.

There are so many sad things with this story and I'm struggling to see how anyone can suggest that this isn't a bad thing that has happened (I'm not saying the girl or her mother is bad, but the situation is)

The vast majority of girls are not biologically ready to give birth before they reach 14 - yes they can conceive, but the immaturity of their bodies is why the maternal death rate is so high in countries with child marriages.

I also think it's sad that the girl has both had and is bringing up the baby - if they disagree with abortion, why couldn't she give the baby up for adoption? At 12 years old, can she really be fully aware of the implications of her choices to make this decision? How will she be able to go to school? Where will she find support outside her mother? How much will this isolate her from her peers?

I also worry about the implications of the relationship with the father - how is he going to support her? Even in an emotional sense they are both clearly too young to be in a serious relationship, add supporting a baby into the mix and it's just undoable. Also, what about his parents? Are they going to be just as supportive of the grandmother or are they going to leave it up to her to raise the baby AND support her daughter?

I think it's a really sad situation, and no matter how many people say "kids just grow up faster these days" I just cannot celebrate children having children.

Squoosh The parents only found out last month. A termination wasn't an option.

Ruthless

My friend was 14 when she had her child, she transferred to a school which had a mother and baby unit, she went through college, she now runs her own successful business.

My other friends son became a Dad at 13 and him and his now wife are very happy together - she is a SAHM now they have 3 children, he has been to uni, worked his way up a new start company and is a finance director. His wife has just completed her degree and is going on to do her masters.

Building a future might be hard for them but it is possible.

Who said it isnt a bad thing?

They've both broken the law. Consequences? Anyone?