27 year old Grandmother

[bongobaby]

Her 12 year old daughter has given birth last Sundayand the dad is 13. She fell pregnant in year 6 of primary school. They are totally in love and into each other and want to get married.
Why an earth would you want to be a grandmother at 27 with a daughter of 12 now a mother.

Again you are taking what I say and twisting it.
I didn't say escorting anyone did I?
I give up.

You can hear what you like about sex, but there is a big jump from hearing about sex to being 11 and taking your pants down.

If children are being sexualised so young then we need to educate educate educate!! But more emphasis on abstaining rather than giving out condoms & morning after pills!!

By thinking my dd 11 wouldn't even have a clue what intercourse was made me a bad parent, I have got my head out of the sand & will keep communication going (as much as I struggle with it ) .. Parents & schools need to do the same.

The very thought of my now 8 year old DD having sex in three years time fills me with horror.

As for the Grnadmother being a Grandmother at 27, that is the age I was as a first time mum!

'It's good that your 11 year old knows what sex is, knowledge of this doesn't make her any less innocent'

I agree completely. There's nothing dirty about sex. Knowing the facts doesn't mean she's going to go out and try it for herself any time soon.

I can't see anything about the OP that is offensive although it suggests that the Grandmother might have had a say in it. I very much doubt/hope that she didn't want her 11 year old to get pregnant. Especially having had her own child very young.

It is shocking to hear of children as young as 11 and 12 getting pregnant, I for one don't want to become desensitised by this, it should be shocking, it has after all made the headline news.

Lots of research shows that good sex education delays the age children have full sex.

Poorbuthappy- a big jump broken down into lots of little steps. It wont have happened overnight. There will have been lots of little things that happened to get these two in a situation where they were having sex. An they wont have had their parents sign permission slips either.

I was 54 when I became a grandmother for the first time. Now, at 70 I have 9 and am enjoying my involvement with the youngest two. The oldest girls are 14 and are years away from maturity. That poor little girl, having sex at 11 when she should still be playing with dolls. Heartbreaking :(

I became a mum for the first time at 26!

I wonder if the people who shelter their kids from the world of sex actually realise that 1. they know more than they think they do and 2. It really isn't putting them in the best position to make good choices if their boyfriend/girlfriend or whoever suggests sex.

yes the grandmother wuld be considered young as a first tme mother, never mind GM

So lots of little steps which would have started when considering that age 11 was when sex happened. And we don't know if it was the first time.

I am saying that education is the only way to tackle this, and the majority of the education should have come from the girl's parents.
Nothing about leaving her to rot, nothing about sheltering children from sex.

Should have read your OP and subsequent posts...

She has suggested the mother has played a part in this even though they found out a month ago. She has implied her mother shouldn't be behind her through this and she has suggested that by a young girl falling pregnant gives the impression it is ok to other students.

There is also a huge amount of ignorance displayed by stating that these children will need the "birds and bees" talk. They get sex ed in school's younger than this. I would be surprised if there was any 11 year old who didn't know what sex was and how baby's are made.

I think her posts are judgemental and they are offensive to any young person who has ever had a baby and that young persons parents.

Squoosh .. Really? I don't think it was at all unusual.. I went to a large secondary school & when us girls chatted not many knew the ins & outs if you pardon the pun!! We knew the words, terms.. Shag, screw, blow job etc.. But not what the physicalities were! Even after a few girls admitted to not being virgins, the main crowd were quite shocked & judgemental.
I am aware things changed quite fast after that at the number of school girls getting pregnant after I'd left school. But then there was no sex education in school then.

I agree all children should be educated about sex. The sheltering comment wasn't about what you had written it was another poster.

How do we know her mother didnt educate her? mine did. I still ignored it.

This is not a 'young person' having a baby. She was 11 when she got pregnant. She's a child, having a baby. This is not OK and there is something seriously messed up going on if we think that 11 year olds having full blown sex is normal. Sex education isn't just about knowing which bits go where and what they, it's about understanding the complicated, difficult choices that come along with a sexual relationship, and the long term impact it can have on your life. Giving birth at 12 could potentially be very dangerous. Aside from actually then having to raise a baby before you have even chosen your GCSE options.

Fast forward 13 years, what are the chances of this little girl being a mum herself?

Well I went to a convent school and certainly wasn't a wordly child but remember clearly that when my mother gave me The Talk when I was aged 10 I already knew all about the mechanics of sex.

Most of my friends would have been the same. This was the late 80's.

You ignored it at 18. Not 11.

'Fast forward 13 years, what are the chances of this little girl being a mum herself?'

Extremely high I would guess.

HopALong

I don't think anyone has said "good on her" or "that's great news", what people are saying is that it happens. Yes it's not ideal, but they will hopefully come through it together as a family.

Is there anything wrong with making the absolute best out of a less than perfect situation?

Well this child ignored at 11 why does that make the mother a worse mother than mine? My point was- she can still have educated her- she cant tie her up til she's 16.

Of course there isn't, but I think that making the best out of this situation should involve the grandparents identifying what the hell went so wrong, that their little children started having sex at 11.

I would feel that I had failed completely and neglected my child in some way if she got pregnant at 11 years old. I don't particularly care what society thinks, but I would be distraught that at 11 she was seeking out attention and affection like this, and that I had failed so spectacularly in trying to educate her about making smart, healthy choices.

At 11, if I wasn't on the way to or from school I was being supervised by adults - teachers or parents, or friends' parents. I was probably 13+ before I was allowed to just go to town with a friend. That wasn't unusual where I grew up.

I also hadn't finished growing at 11, not by nearly a foot. Some 11yos are an adult size but by no means all. The physical strain of pregnancy and childbirth is no picnic for a fit, fully-grown adult.

My first thought on reading the headline was that it's terribly sad. It doesn't matter much to the baby how old its parents are, but it matters to those parents. She's statistically closed so many doors by falling pregnant so early and although she has her mother's example of coping with a baby as a teenager (it's a weird compliment to the new grandmother, in a way) it's going to be a long slog for a long time.

I strongly believe that the baby should have been put up for adoption, and the parents given a second chance at having a normal life too.

No child of 12 is capable of being a responsible parent.