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AIBU?

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Original poster

27 year old Grandmother

665 replies

bongobaby · 16/04/2014 13:02

Her 12 year old daughter has given birth last Sundayand the dad is 13. She fell pregnant in year 6 of primary school. They are totally in love and into each other and want to get married.
Why an earth would you want to be a grandmother at 27 with a daughter of 12 now a mother.

OP posts:
Grennie · 16/04/2014 13:27

IME children getting pregnant either happens through abuse, or because they are kept "innocent", or because they plan it because they are desperate to be loved.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 16/04/2014 13:28

I think both of them (the boy and the girl) have been failed somewhere along the lines if they are seeking out affection and attention in adult way. An 11 year old and a 12 year old having a sexual relationship is not OK, it's not healthy. Either the parents didn't know, or they knew and didn't care, or they knew and thought it wasn't a big deal. All of those things are worrying. Those children have been hugely let down somewhere. It doesn't have to be the end of the world, but they are going to need huge amounts of support to raise a child while still being children themselves. I hope it all works out for them, really I do. But this is not some lovely love story, at 12 years old you are not capable of understand the full consequences of your actions.

Wantsunshine · 16/04/2014 13:29

I would assume the grandparents didn't see the signs as they clearly are not watchful over their children if they had the opportunity to have sex and the parents did not care enough that the children should not be in a long term relationship at such a young age.

SpringBreaker · 16/04/2014 13:29

"Go on enlighten me.
In which situation would my 11 year be able to get pregnant."

Unless you are with her 24/7 then I would have thought the answer was quite obvious.

poorbuthappy · 16/04/2014 13:29

No one had said they wouldn't support their 11 year old in this situation. We are talking about children having children and apparently parents having no day in what their 11 year olds do.
It makes me sad that children are not children for very long anymore and we just let it happen. Sad

StealthPolarBear · 16/04/2014 13:29

What an awful story (has everyone else read something I've missed?)
Poor child.

Cupid5tunt · 16/04/2014 13:30

Grennie My friend was far from kept innocent, she also wasn't desperate for love and she wasn't abused. She still fell pregnant at 13 had her child at 14.

I wasn't kept innocent, I wasn't desperate for love and wasn't abused and had sex at 13. Could quite easily have fallen pregnant (if the contraception had failed)

That's a very boxed in view you have there.

poorbuthappy · 16/04/2014 13:30

But she's 11!!!!! Not 15.
Yes of course at 11 I would either be with her or she would be at school, etc etc.

When did 11 become the new 15/16?

rainbowfeet · 16/04/2014 13:30

I was shocked to read this story & very judgey towards the parents until... I had a conversation with my 11 yr old dd (who I always thought was very young & naive) Confused
I asked her if a boy asked her to have sex/shag etc whatever term he used would she know what he meant (I mean physically.. What he would do with his penis) & typing this makes me want to cry but she said yes. I honestly had no clue this would be her answer but she said she has read about it & the kids at school talk about it. ShockConfused I think back to being that age & I never used to give sex a thought!! I'd have had no idea what sexual intercourse was until probably 13 or 14!!
We had a chat about being pressured by boys into it & respecting her body, condoms etc..

But I've changed my initial opinion that these are the worlds worst parents & that the boy must have raped her.

How sad that society is like this.. What is to blame.. Sexual pop videos?, Internet, TV ? I don't know but it's frightening.

squoosh · 16/04/2014 13:31

I agree HopALong

The chances are that unless this new baby is discouraged in the strongest possible terms to avoid an underage sexual relationship that they too will become a teenage parent.

SpringBreaker · 16/04/2014 13:31

I was not chaperoned by a parent all the time at 11. Children can experiment with sex at any time of day.. You may think they are just out with their friends ..

Original poster
bongobaby · 16/04/2014 13:33

She was still at primary school when she fell pregnant. Imagine our ds/dd being in her class at school knowing that their 11 year old classmate is pregnant. How is that in their intrest that this is ok. It is not as I clutch my pearls ok to do this or have those classmates think its acceptable. Ffs she was 11 and having sex which is illegal. Those children in that class/school will now need re educating on this. And I would guess a lot of parents at that school will have to explain to their kids about the birds and the bees.

OP posts:
YoureBeingASillyBilly · 16/04/2014 13:34

I was in secondary school at 11. Getting buses just like the 15/16/17/18 year olds, with 15/16/17/18 year olds, hearing all their chat about sex and who was doing what with who. I could very easily have gotten off the bus one day with a boy and taken the road into town rather than to school. Are you seriously saying parents should be escorting children to their form room until legal age for sex?

Cupid5tunt · 16/04/2014 13:34

You may think they are just out with their friends

Yup, or at a friends house who has a brother/sister.

SpringBreaker · 16/04/2014 13:34

I also know quite a few of the pupils in my year when I was 11/12 were experimenting with sex. A 12yo got pregnant and kept her baby. She came from a very average middle class family. I am sure it was a shock to her parents but she was very blasé about it and was certainly not forced into having sex.

Cupid5tunt · 16/04/2014 13:35

Nobody is disputing that ideally this shouldn't have happened. But it did happen and the young girl was pregnant. Your OP is horribly judgemental and offensive.

SpringBreaker · 16/04/2014 13:36

I would also say kids these days are a lot more exposed t

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 16/04/2014 13:36

Umm- at 11 they should all know the birds and the bees for precisely this reason! My 8 year old has known for about 2 years.

Wantsunshine · 16/04/2014 13:36

You should have to escort you children all the time. You should have brought your children up well enough and educated them so they are not stupid enough to have sex at 11 and know its wrong.

squoosh · 16/04/2014 13:36

rainbowfeet you not knowing at age 13 what sexual intercourse was would have been very unusual even 30 years ago. It's good that your 11 year old knows what sex is, knowledge of this doesn't make her any less innocent.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 16/04/2014 13:36

I don't know if this makes me really cold hearted, but my first thought when I saw it was that if that was my 11 year old, I don't think I'd be able to be positive about her keeping the baby. Either through termination or adoption, I don't think I would be keen to sign myself up to raising another baby, and for my daughter to have her life limited in such a drastic way. I just don't think I could support it.

And yes, children will experiment etc, but surely that's why we talk to them and try our best to educate them and give them the skills to make good choices? Of course it wont always work...

SpringBreaker · 16/04/2014 13:37

Pressed send too soon

Are a lot more exposed to sex than my generation of the 1980's.

More pressure is on younger girls to look older and act older too.

Wantsunshine · 16/04/2014 13:37

It should say NOT in my post!

Grennie · 16/04/2014 13:38

Having full sex at 11 or 12 is unusual. Children this age may experiment, but full sex is rare.

fideline · 16/04/2014 13:38

How is that in their intrest that this is ok

I'm not sure anyone has said it IS ok OP. Can't see any reason to assume the 27 year old wanted to be GM either.