27 year old Grandmother

[bongobaby]

Her 12 year old daughter has given birth last Sundayand the dad is 13. She fell pregnant in year 6 of primary school. They are totally in love and into each other and want to get married.
Why an earth would you want to be a grandmother at 27 with a daughter of 12 now a mother.

Angel what consequence should they face in your opinion?

What consequequences would younlike to see angelos?

Xpost

It is possible cupid but that doesn't mean it is likely. There are always positive exceptions, and I'm glad your friend's experiences have been that good, but that doesn't mean that it ends that way for everyone.

A child can't bring up a baby. I imagine that the grandmother will bring up the baby, but that worries me too, since she clearly didn't do all that well in protecting or educating her daughter. (Where is the grandfather? How old was he?)

I bloody hope they get a lot of help and supervision from social services if this sorry cycle isn't to be repeated ad infinitum.

angelos what would you like to see happen to them?

"It is possible cupid but that doesn't mean it is likely. There are always positive exceptions, and I'm glad your friend's experiences have been that good, but that doesn't mean that it ends that way for everyone."

But it's far more likely with supportive parents than without which is what cupid is saying here. This has happened, it's horrible IMO that children are having sex and bringing more babies into the world before they are able to look after them but it has happened and this grandmother is doing the right thing IMO by fully supporting her child in bringing up this baby.

No It doesn't and I wouldn't claim it does HopALong. My point is that not every child born to underage parents is going to face a lifetime of poor parenting and become underage parents themselves. That is a huge generalisation that's being chucked about on this thread.

It display monumental ignorance.

Callini.. Yes a very sad story indeed.. But one that has opened my eyes today. I feel sorry for the mother & newborn.. At age 37 I had my unplanned baby on my own after 2 previous babies & how hard it has been has surprised me. The loneliness & his demands on me have pushed me to my limit at times. She has lost an awful lot

is not does

But she's a child of an 12 year old, who was a child of a 15 year old, so things are already on a less than positive path. As I said, I hope it does have as good an outcome as possible, but I'm not going to bet my house on it.

I wonder if there are more pre-teens giving birth these days or if the cases where it does happen are just publicised more. I'd imagine it was the kind of thing that was easier to conceal from health professionals/schools in the past.

See I wouldn't care to make assumptions of how the child and family will turn out.

I would hope they are provided with any additional help they need, that the families support and aid the young parents in every way they can.

With the cuts to services and the massive caseload of social workers, it would be optimistic to assume they will receive adequate support to break this cycle.

As I said, I wouldn't care to make assumptions. I've seen the opposite end of the scale where everything has worked out well so it's possible to go either way. I hope it goes the right way, it may not. Who know's.

An abortion would probably be legally possible for a child of that age even at 8 months, but it would be hugely traumatic.

I disagree with Cupid's use of "less than perfect". A fifteen year old getting pregnant is "less than perfect". An eighteen year old with an unwanted pregnancy one year into her degree is "less than perfect". An eleven year old getting pregnant is actually appalling if only for the health risks. However I do agree that if, heaven forbid, my 11 year old dd became pregnant and was unable to have an abortion, the only things I would say in public would be "I love her, I support her, we will make a good life for her baby together". Any other comment would do no good at all.

I remember a story breaking a few years ago where a girl of 11 (i think) became a mother and people blaming her parents for not educating her about safe sex. Turned out later she had been raped by her brother but was too scared to tell so said it was a friend who was the father.

It's a shocking story. Disastrous for all three children - the boy, girl and baby. How on earth a 12 and 13yo can hope to be good parents I do not know. As someone said, they will only be 16 and 17 when the poor kid is starting school!

Under age pregnancy and birth rates are decreasing fast in England (births are falling faster than pregnancies as the abortion rate for this age group increases). We're still high in European terms but we are improving rapidly. I don't know the figures for under 13s - it's a tiny number but probably affected by earlier puberty.

I just don't understand how a 12 year old can be a parent. I had ds1 at 19 and I fully understood what I was giving up to have him. When all of my friends were off to uni and out drinking every weekend I was at mums and tots and changing nappies. I was fine with this as I was mature enough, I just don't feel a 12 year old is mature enough at all. Also I was quite embarrassed with breast feeding and was too embarrassed with my health visitor to tell them so I gave up. Fast forward a few years later when ds2 and 3 came along I was full of confidence and had no problems asking for help.

I agree with the above poster who said who is going to make decisions for the baby - medical, schools, nursery etc.

It's a sad sad situation I have a 12 year old boy and he struggles to wash himself on a regular basis let alone look after a baby!!

Recently in hospital I got talking to a woman who was 31, pregnant with her 6th child and her eldest already had a two year old.... So she was a grandmother at 28. I think it's probably more common that we think. I just assumed it was because I was in Dagenham *

*disclaimer- I am from a family of Dagenhamites and have lived and worked in that fine town. I mean it only in jest.

With the right support this family can raise this baby just as well as any other. I certainly still need my mum to advise/help me with parenting stuff aged 27. Yes to a lesser degree than this girl will but i dont know anyone who raises a baby entirely without family support. Everyone needs sime degree of help, she will need more than most but no reason why they cant do as good a job as me or you or the woman up the street who had her first at 36.

I feel sad about the situation, but only because I know it is going to be so hard for all of them. Society is so judgmental if you dare to step outside of the lines of normal, whatever normal is.

My amazing cousin became a mum at the age of 14. She was judged, but she has become the most dedicated mum. It took time, support, a lot of tears and the loss of some friends, but 18 years on I look at her and I feel nothing but pride. Her son is a wonderful, loving young man with dreams for his future.

I just hope it works out as well for this family.

Parents responsibilities include keeping their children safe.

Pregnancy and motherhood are risky and pose a danger to a child so young.

If the mother thought hit one second that her dd was sexually active at 11 then she should have either exerted far more parental pressure and boundaries on her or otherwise provided her with proper effective contraception.

She failed on all levels.

This is pregnant at 11 not 16/17+

Posters tales of this are irrelevant and not comparable at all to this case

My mil was pregnant at 17 and a super mother for her kids.

Again 11 is not 17.

'Society is so judgmental if you dare to step outside of the lines of normal, whatever normal is.'

I think most people would be shocked to hear of a pregnant 11 year old. I feel more desperately sad for the 11 year old child than judgemental.