To not agree to DP giving up his job?

[sleepismyfriend]

I will try to be brief.

We have a 3 month old baby.

Prior to baby I was building up my business and worked until the day I have birth. Business is now booming and I am very lucky to have a good team behind me who take care of the day to day running of the business. I am at home with our baby and whilst I do have to put some work hours in, I can do it from home and DD is my absolute priority. I mainly work when she has settled down for the night.

DP and I don't live together but we are making a go of things and we do intend to live together within a year,

DP is employed and doesn't like his job. He wants to give it up and work for me. I am not keen on this as I would feel guilty if for any reason the business didn't work, and at least with an employed position he can guarantee how much he earns - my business is only 18 months old and so I don't feel completely secure about it yet.

DP is constantly saying how I'm doing to much, insinuates that I must be stressed all day having to juggle work an DD (I'm not) and that he wants to work for the business and basically take over in a managerial type role.

AIBU to not allow this? Apart from l the security / financial aspects of it, I have built my business up from scratch and don't want him coming along taking all the credit now that's its really taking off. Am I being selfish? I'm not sure if I will be going back full time to work there as I am very happy working from home and looking after DD - it doesn't mean he has to take over though does it?

If it makes any difference, he earns approx 30k PA in a 45 hour a week job. My business profits are approx 200k PA.

Some outside perspectives on this would be great.

The thing is that he is not acting in your best interests now, as a partner, so he certainly wouldn't if he was working for you.

Where's his commitment to your child? Does he look after her on his two days off so that you can work peacefully or have a rest? Does he negotiate with you about maintenance for her? Does he ever buy her anything like nappies and clothes as a matter of course, without making out he's a living saint?

Frankly, he sounds bloody horrible. He's in some job he can't stand and instead of going for something else, he thinks he can come in and take over your business, ahead of you and ahead of those who've worked so hard for you.

Having said all that, I would be very tempted to sit him down and discuss his salary and his perks and so on and get him all hot under the collar and then shout "Only joking!"

Yes, don't let him live with you otherwise he'd be the SAHP and you could end up not living with the child AND paying him for the privilege.

And don't ask him to support his own child!

'You will not be joining my business. Any discussion of this is terminated. Ad you need to support our child financially. The CSA guidelines are £X/month. Shall we arrange this privately or through them?

Tis person is a gas-lighting cock. That is why you went off him.

If you were employed he wouldn't be asking for your job.
If you were not a mother - he wouldn't be asking to join the business.

He is literally trying to oust you when you are at your most exhausted in order to get his grubby hands on your successful business.

As sweary gran would say 'what a fucking liberty'.

You owe him NO explanation or justification, either. 'It doesn't work for the business and the team.' Over and over. He puts pressure on, you tell him,'This discussion is over, we need to arrange child maintenance.'

not that my view is needed, but it's "Oh, hell no!"

you don't even like him, his sense of responsibility is absent (or he'd be paying towards his child's upkeep), and you don't trust him. You wouldn't employ someone like that, surely?

and if you wouldn't employ him, why on earth would you live with him?

you don't need him.

Wow, he thought he had all his ducks in a row didnt he? Rich successful woman, got her knocked up and preyed on her insecurities so he can step in and cream off the glory and the profits.

I am glad that you will be saying no to him.

Beware though that when you start laying the law down, he will propose. Almost guaranteed.

Not because he loves you but because he doesnt want to lose the goose that is laying the golden egg and as your husband he could make a massive claim on the money you worked for. Also, he could jack in his job and there would be nothing you could do about it.

Ask for maintenance and do not under any circumstances allow him to move in with you, once he is in he will stick like shit to a blanket and you will have no end of trouble getting rid of him.

Good luck OP, I hope he doesn't try to break you down. Remember you and your daughter are doing fab and he's not needed.

I'm in agreement with absolutely everybody else here - please do not give him what he wants. It sounds like he's thought everything through and just expects you to agree to it all.

Why does he not support your daughter? If he thought you were having difficulty coping, he could offer to pay for a cleaner - why doesn't he? What are his finances like? How do you know he is not up to his ears in debt ?

OMG, what a vile chancer!

Kick. Him. To. The. Kerb.

You are so not being unreasonable it is ridiculous.

So you pay him a salary and you take less but he doesn't give you anything towards your child? What will you support her on?

It doesn't matter what answers he has.

He is not being employed by your business. End of conversation. He can argue until the cows come home. You don't need to listen to his arguments.

He has to pay towards his child's up keep or the new CSA will be informed.

Please make sure he has no access to any of your work information. Or your personal accounts/information for that matter. If he gets shitty he could mess it around or use any headed/official paperwork you use for his own benefit.

After you've spoken to him he's going to say loads of things to try and make you doubt yourself, so don't try to appease him or agree to anything without thinking about it first. And don't let him make you feel bad or guilty or responsible for his feelings. Perhaps you could imagine he's speaking a foreign language (the one that narcissistic arseholes speak) and the English subtitles underneath read "Blah blah, lies, blah, me me me, blah, lies".

Agree with Spaceperson - he will throw a load of stuff back at you so come & thrash it out on MN to get a better perspective.

Yy to not asking him to pay maintenance, bloody tell the lazy freeloading tosser!

And please if he proposes SAY NO.

So glad you spotted this was him not you so soon, you could have got in a right mess with him 'helping you' you know what is right for you and dd go for it.

We need a bullshit bingo for op to tick off.

Good luck with the conversation OP

When are you going to speak to him OP?

Gobsmacked by all this. What a knob. Good luck OP!

Never seen an Aibu like it

OP you ARE Superwoman. And he knows it.
Listen to your instincts. They are spot on.

LookHowTheyShineForYou I was about to say the same!

Worst case scenario. You give him a position as manager. Then you two split up. He's covered by employment law so you can just get rid of him. He then gets bitter and starts undermining the business and causing problems from the inside. Before you know it he's caused major problems or destroyed your business. You've sacked him so is unemployed and therefore no support financially and you are struggling financially too.

Would this really be ideal?
Not saying it would happen but he sounds like he wants it all his own way and being on the inside of your business could be very very dangerous should you split