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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not agree to DP giving up his job?

410 replies

sleepismyfriend · 14/04/2014 09:36

I will try to be brief.

We have a 3 month old baby.

Prior to baby I was building up my business and worked until the day I have birth. Business is now booming and I am very lucky to have a good team behind me who take care of the day to day running of the business. I am at home with our baby and whilst I do have to put some work hours in, I can do it from home and DD is my absolute priority. I mainly work when she has settled down for the night.

DP and I don't live together but we are making a go of things and we do intend to live together within a year,

DP is employed and doesn't like his job. He wants to give it up and work for me. I am not keen on this as I would feel guilty if for any reason the business didn't work, and at least with an employed position he can guarantee how much he earns - my business is only 18 months old and so I don't feel completely secure about it yet.

DP is constantly saying how I'm doing to much, insinuates that I must be stressed all day having to juggle work an DD (I'm not) and that he wants to work for the business and basically take over in a managerial type role.

AIBU to not allow this? Apart from l the security / financial aspects of it, I have built my business up from scratch and don't want him coming along taking all the credit now that's its really taking off. Am I being selfish? I'm not sure if I will be going back full time to work there as I am very happy working from home and looking after DD - it doesn't mean he has to take over though does it?

If it makes any difference, he earns approx 30k PA in a 45 hour a week job. My business profits are approx 200k PA.

Some outside perspectives on this would be great.

OP posts:
Groovee · 14/04/2014 20:36

I cannot get over his self absorbed attitude! He doesn't get why he should support the child he helped to create!

You have made the right decisions and he doesn't like it. Stay strong OP you can do this!

Thesebootsweremadeforwalking · 14/04/2014 20:39

Blimey. YANBU at all.

CabbagesAndKings · 14/04/2014 20:39

LTB. What did you say to him? The absolute cheek! Questioning why you would want maintenance. put it this way OP, decent guys don't have to be asked.

pebblyshit · 14/04/2014 20:43

I'm Shock at this thread.

I can't imagine any circumstances where someone would think it reasonable to give up their job and then take their partners (and probably do it half arsed)

And what would you spend maintenance on??????? Fucking hell. What kind of man doesn't want to support his child.

I don't think he wants to steal the business (although that might be a consequence), more that he wants to laze around being the 'boss' and drawing an inflated salary. Depriving you of your income and not paying maintenance are incidental.

jay55 · 14/04/2014 20:43

Ask him why he expects you to pay for all the child related expenses.
Glad you've woken up, youre clearly doing a great job in business and as a parent.

GarlicAprilShowers · 14/04/2014 20:44

:o He's horrible!

OK, I'm sure he has his moments. How about I say - as everyone else has - he's greedy, selfish, irresponsible, over-entitled, self-deluded, lazy, and a disinvolved father. You can do SO much better!

Is the sex really good? Confused

foslady · 14/04/2014 20:44

OMG - thank God you posted on here and didn't go against your gut instinct! You are an amazing woman and an amazing mum.
He's just an amazing arse of gobsmacking shallows.Every time he opens his mouth he just becomes more and more abusive - expecting you to take him on, pay him an amazing salary, not pay a penny towards his daughter, and I bet a pound to a penny he wouldn't have put his hand in his pocket if he'd have moved in due to his 'you make more money than me' attitude. And when he got fed up or you wanted to kick him into touch - well he's doing the same job as you, he'd be wanting a MASSIVE payout...

A good parent takes care of their child - and a great father takes care of the mother - can't see any evidence of either...Angry

GarlicAprilShowers · 14/04/2014 20:45

Oops, that grin was meant to be a shock. Shock sorry!

comicsansisevil · 14/04/2014 20:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MincingOnBy · 14/04/2014 20:56

Really shown his true colours with his responses. He really is a treat isn't he. He's not fit to wipe your shoes on.

End it, get onto the CSA for maintenance.

echt · 14/04/2014 20:59

What a very unpleasant man.

It occurs to me that he is attracted to wanting your job/ being involved in your business because he's been told so much about how well it's doing (and congratulations on you success). I wouldn't discuss the business with him any more.

Stick with getting the maintenance out of the whiny, entitled, gas lighting nong.

Ratbagcatbag · 14/04/2014 21:05

I bet he's well confused. You were so going along with him and now you've not only ruined his whole future plan. Shock, horror. You actually want money for your dd too.

Poor ickle bloke, thought he'd got away with that one.

Seriously though, prepare for him to he nasty when he realises you aren't budging.

msrisotto · 14/04/2014 21:14

It's so bizarre, he's actually aghast at the idea of paying for his child's upbringing. He says you must be out of your mind for suggesting it! You need to get well rid of him, he's poisonous.

Guiltypleasures001 · 14/04/2014 21:17

Hi op

And so the gas lighting begins, your unreasonable in his eyes now and he knows best for you and your dd.? He will more than likely escalate to anger and frustration because your not towing the line.

He has no principles and it doesn't occur to him that you could win the lottery and he would still want or need to contribute

He mentions putting something away for the baby himself because it's the control element of the money and decision that matters.

I think you might need some space from him, and to re group he's about to get very unreasonable and try and wear you down, he's in to survival mode.

Quinteszilla · 14/04/2014 21:17

Shock Wow. He is the man who just fell to earth. Hmm

SuburbanSpaceperson · 14/04/2014 21:19

On a trailer for 24 just now somone told Jack Bauer "You're not thinking clearly" and he said "Right now, I'm the only one that is".

If it's good enough for Jack Bauer ...

Grin
Original poster
sleepismyfriend · 14/04/2014 21:20

I am so happy I decided to post this on here this morning.

Thinking about it all the time was really weighing me down. And I was feeling like a bad person / mother for not instantly wanting to go along with his plans. Just shows how much he has ground me down over time.

I expect he will start getting nasty. He has done previously when we rowed about something or nothing. I will never forget he told me he felt sorry for our then unborn DD for having a mother like me.

Fucker.

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 14/04/2014 21:22

Hold that thought OP - and remember it tomorrow when you pick up the phone to the CSA to file a claim for maintenance.

Whereisegg · 14/04/2014 21:22

He's got some bloody nerve! Shock Shock

antipasty · 14/04/2014 21:23

Angry well the good thing is that he doesn't live with you so at least you don't have the stress of throwing him out. How have things been left?

Coumarin · 14/04/2014 21:25

Thank god you asked on here. I've never read a aibu that left me literally with my mouth hanging open before.

You are Wonder Woman and a fantastic role model for your daughter. He needs to get to fuck.

echt · 14/04/2014 21:26

Oh, I was about to post that his mode of attack would be to undermine you as a parent, but I see he was well ahead.

Because he doesn't live with you, thank a God, his options for getting at you are more limited. I see you used the words "ground down over time". That's what he'll go for.

Stay strong.

foslady · 14/04/2014 21:28

I will never forget he told me he felt sorry for our then unborn DD for having a mother like me.

What an absolute cunt (and I NEVER use that word). Wow - that has taken my breath away

travailtotravel · 14/04/2014 21:30

Your gut was not off when you were pregnant was it, sleep? You do not have to give him a reason if you want to end it, you know. You do not have to have contact with him (well, depends what you want for your DD). He cannot make you stay with him and he can say all he likes, the important thing is that you don't believe it.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 14/04/2014 21:30

You're not still shagging him I hope!

He's a twat, tell him to fuck off.

You are worth so much more than this tool.